First the simple stuff~
should be "lonely"her lonley heart sinking
should be "does"As do her soul.
should be "continues"She contiues to push back her thoughts
This may flow better if you added some puncuation. Perhaps a few commas, for thoughtful pauses? Also, this really bugs me for some reason:
Her name is Carey.
She feels alone. As do her soul.
She contiues to push back her thoughts
further and further back into her mind.
Maybe one day she will be able to finally
speak words of truth to the ones who care.
If there are any.
You shouldn't use the same word so close together. I can't explain why that is, but it doesn't sound as pretty.
This poem was very hard to relate to. It didn't seem to hold any emotion -- more like it was written just to be written.
As the poet, make me feel something. Write something that stirs up my insides. In my opinion, a poem should be emotional, but should make the reader feel that emotion as much as the poet may have.
I hope that helped!
Happy writing!
~Bella*Maria~
Feel free to PM me if you have any questions
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