Published January 12, 2008
Why am I put into this world?
Is there no meaning for me to be here?
Because all I see is me failing life as we know it.
Giving up stuff I love.
And not caring as much as I did before...
Is there a reason for this?
On sunny bright days I would run outside
And enjoy it as much as I can,
But no, I would stay inside and not talk,
To anyone and just complain.
Everything I love is leaving me..
Because I am changing into something
that is overtaking me.
A dark shadow hiding my true feelings,
Has now overcome my old self pulling me deeper,
Into the dark I have ignored all this time.
Causing more sorrow to hide and making the shadow bigger,
The sun becoming to bright for the new me to come out
For it being pulled in the darkness in there...
For so long.. I can not get used to the light.
Seeing the things I cared most leaving,
Because I am being pulled away..
Of happiness that I onced had.
The shadows of sorrow replacing it
With an empty heart of no emotion.
Worrying the people who cared for me,
Are seeing this and lost causing sorrow in them also,
Because of the change that happened to you
For they have the feeling that it was there fault.
In the meentime..... life is great,
Happiness is all around you no worries.
But behind you is your shadow hiding all the emotions
You do not want others to see,
Waiting there for their time to come and overcome you
With your hidden self.
Hoping that day would never come.
( Another hidden emotion to keep around and grow in your shadow. )
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141,691 Literary Works • 675,575 Reviews
First the simple stuff~
should be "lonely"should be "does"
should be "continues"
This may flow better if you added some puncuation. Perhaps a few commas, for thoughtful pauses? Also, this really bugs me for some reason:
You shouldn't use the same word so close together. I can't explain why that is, but it doesn't sound as pretty.
This poem was very hard to relate to. It didn't seem to hold any emotion -- more like it was written just to be written.
As the poet, make me feel something. Write something that stirs up my insides. In my opinion, a poem should be emotional, but should make the reader feel that emotion as much as the poet may have.
I hope that helped!
Happy writing!
~Bella*Maria~
Feel free to PM me if you have any questions