Just so you know, you shouldn't post songs in the lyric poetry section, lyric poetry and lyrics are not the same, we have a lyric section for all the budding songwriters. [;
Anyway, I'm not an expert on lyrics or anything, and I don't claim to be, so I'm just going to look over this song and try and help you a little, okay?
Another little thing, when you post something on YWS you've got to review at least two things, that way everyone gets reviews on their work, the people you review are likely to review something of yours to return the favour, so to speak. Just remember that for the future.
I'm going to have to try very hard not to criticize this, as there's a lot of things that if this was a poem I would demand be removed, but this is not a poem, and I do not know a lot about lyrics. Nonetheless, I shall try and help you.
Ah, now, this is the sort of thing that I would criticize in poetry, I think this point is still valid in lyrics but if I'm wrong feel free to take the opposing view: The word and implies that two things are linked, that they have something to do with each other or are at least loosely based off of each other. In lyrics, however, there are sometimes very abstract lines that have nothing to do with each other yet just... work. I think that perhaps this is one of those. (I told you I wasn't very good at lyricsMixed believers and empty stairwells
] Actually, ignore that, I think I like this, it's very abstract and could mean a number of things. They actually might be linked, empty stairwells signifies the ability for anyone to step upon them, yes? So anyone, with any beliefs, ie the 'mixed believers', may step upon these stairs and imprint upon them their own beliefs. So really the stairs signify a person, the mixed believers are not really so different after all, for they are all trying to achieve the same goal; to imprint their beliefs upon this person with no beliefs. Yes? No?Led me? Do not you mean lead me? This line would imply that the darkened room is in the same house as the empty stairwell?Led me to your darkened room
Pulled me through what? The house? Or maybe, maybe the house simply portrays a danger, a bad situation, a rough time in one's life.All hearts racing, fixed emotions
You held my hand, and pulled me through
This line made me think of the open arms as the believers trying to take you in and make you believe their beliefs, and that you are perhaps the stairs? And that the running is taking place on top of you so it's almost as if you are running?And we ran away from
The open doors and open arms
Cureless? By that do you mean cureless by means of having a terrible disease or the opinions people have put upon you have blanked out your own being?And we ran away towards
The cureless people we've become
I think that it's now about a boy, yes? One that you loved, a rather cliched topic and bla... Yet, I think you could still use some of the theories I've suggested to make this more interesting. How about if you were the stairs, the empty stairs that a boy came along and tried to make you a believer (In him) and you went along with it, he helped you run from those that you didn't like, but then he trod upon you (Quite literally, as you are the stairs)Hmm... maybe?Empty spaces were quickly filled
With superficial words you said
And I can't quite figure out
Why I was just a passing fad
I know this is a song, but I really don't like the Yeah in it, it kind of destroys the whole feeling of it to me.And we ran away from
The open doors and open arms
And we ran away towards
The cureless people we've become/quote] This is where my knowledge upon the subject of lyrics really fails me, but if this is a chorus, don't you think it'd be better to have another verse between the two chorus'?
I don't see the point in writing this out three times, why not just put a x3 at the end of the first one? You'd save yourself a lot of work and it'd be easier for the readers.And we ran away from
The open doors and open arms
And we ran away towards
The cureless people we've become
And perhaps be could make it right by dropping his beliefs?You don't even know this,
You could make it right[s]Yeah[/s], you don't even know this,
You could make it right
Okay, basically I've made a lot of partially philosophical ideas of what this song could be about, feel free to disagree with them, as this is your song, and you may go about it with your own views.
It may be a very simplistic poem with no substance or depth, but to me, there was a certain air about it that made me imagine it a poem with depth. Excuse me if I'm wrong. Anyway, I'm not going to repeat all my views on what this song's about as that would take me a rather long time and I haven't got much, my comments about the meaning are on the actual words.
Anyway, welcome to YWS, I hope you stay here for a long time, I'm Kirsten, by the way.
I'm sorry that I couldn't have been of more help, lyrics are not really my area of knowledge, so I critiqued it like I would a poem.
I shall try and get a mod to move this into the lyrics section for you, so that you can get some proper reviews on this.
~Kirsten
Points: 890
Reviews: 273
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