Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
there are three men called Jesus
one is named after his uncle from Granada and the other two believe they are the Son of God
I hoped one would pull out his lighter and bless the other with fire but instead they reasoned that Blue Eyed Jesus was from an Alternate Universe
Ruth says the multiverse is like sugar water shaken up and we’re just the glucose congealing at the bottom of the glass
she says she is dissolving
I hold her hand and tell her to breathe because that is what the therapist did before he stopped coming to the meetings
Jesus with an uncle from Granada says there are 2,465 satellites orbiting earth and what if they all fall at once
who will feed his fish
I was his second time and he said I was much softer than his uncle
there is a woman named Mary and that might be the funniest thing in a room of Christs
but Mary is an atheist who accidentally ran over her son
now he’s in a wheelchair and she drinks too much and calls everyone motherfucker
John sits in the corner and does not speak because the government is watching him
he is also not Jesus but he tastes like God
he bought me booze for a blowjob last week
he paid for the booze in cash
we huddle in the middle school every Tuesday to exchange recipes in case the world ended and all we had left was canned carrots and rice
I sit silent while they compare medications
diazepam is the clear favorite
sex is a close second
I don’t belong here
I am not Jesus and my skin does not taste sweet like Ruth’s
Mary tells me not to do anything for free if I’m good at it
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140,142 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
i am in love with this - like seriously in love. I prefer poetry like this compared to traditional rhyming, verses, etc so this was like a blessing to find an unorthodox piece such as this on a website such as this. I just don't know what to say because i can't find any faults it is witty and funny whilst also being intriguing and raw. But my personal favourite bit was where ruth described the multiverse - i am a sucker for metaphors, similes, and that just hit the spot.
really i can't summon words for this
from CaraF x
Love absolutely love the narrative here. I think pretty much most of this gold at first glance -- the kind of poem people would look at and think "hey, that's solid", 'cause it pretty much is. In terms of the poem as it is, the ending is the only place that's week, because although you have a logical narrative and logical descriptions throughout, you get to something more abstract in the "my skin does not taste sweet like Ruth's (haha, bible name)" which wasn't mentioned in the rest of the narrative and throws the reader off into confusion right before what's supposed to be the resolution.
Lemme know if you have any questions~
Now, I don't know if you're interested, but I think you can move past this point in poetry now. Here are some of my thoughts. At first glance, it seems like the line "I was his second time and he said I was much softer than his uncle" is a really subtle, surprising way to completely characterize someone. We learn a lot about his past in one moment.
At the same time, that's kind of just going for shock value. We don't learn anything about this person, and even though it seems like it's a deep, terrible event to those of us who haven't experienced anything like that, he's still just one-dimensional, defined by that one "flaw".
This kind of environment, too, is way worked over by people in their twenties -- drugs and rawness. It's natural. We're often coming out of pretending to be good like we did when we lived with our parents, and now we want to bring all that freedom into our writing. But in ten more years, we won't care at all. It doesn't usually appeal to anyone outside of their twenties!
So I'll encourage you to look beyond these horizons and apply your considerable talents there. Hope that makes sense.
Good luck and /keep writing/!
Ok, Andy Here for a review!
Well, I am really not sure what this is. You have it listed as poetry, But It doesn't seem to be that. You don't seem to rhyme either. On the other hand, This doesn't have full sentences, and seems to be fragmented.
So the first thing you need to fix is the grammar. You frequently forget to capitalize your sentences, and you are missing periods/commas/ whatever needed. Could you elaborate more on what on earth is going on here? Thanks- Andy
so sorry if it seemed a bit strange; I probably should have explained the style. I'm experimenting with a form called prose poetry, which is exactly how it sounds: incorporating poetic devices into a more prose-y format. The original poem actually doesn't have line breaks, and the sentences are broken up by white space. So the lack of punctuation and capitalization was completely intentional. Sorry for the confusion!