Young Writers Society

i am in love with this - like seriously in love. I prefer poetry like this compared to traditional rhyming, verses, etc so this was like a blessing to find an unorthodox piece such as this on a website such as this. I just don't know what to say because i can't find any faults it is witty and funny whilst also being intriguing and raw. But my personal favourite bit was where ruth described the multiverse - i am a sucker for metaphors, similes, and that just hit the spot.

really i can't summon words for this
from CaraF x

Love absolutely love the narrative here. I think pretty much most of this gold at first glance -- the kind of poem people would look at and think "hey, that's solid", 'cause it pretty much is. In terms of the poem as it is, the ending is the only place that's week, because although you have a logical narrative and logical descriptions throughout, you get to something more abstract in the "my skin does not taste sweet like Ruth's (haha, bible name)" which wasn't mentioned in the rest of the narrative and throws the reader off into confusion right before what's supposed to be the resolution.

Now, I don't know if you're interested, but I think you can move past this point in poetry now. Here are some of my thoughts. At first glance, it seems like the line "I was his second time and he said I was much softer than his uncle" is a really subtle, surprising way to completely characterize someone. We learn a lot about his past in one moment.

At the same time, that's kind of just going for shock value. We don't learn anything about this person, and even though it seems like it's a deep, terrible event to those of us who haven't experienced anything like that, he's still just one-dimensional, defined by that one "flaw".

This kind of environment, too, is way worked over by people in their twenties -- drugs and rawness. It's natural. We're often coming out of pretending to be good like we did when we lived with our parents, and now we want to bring all that freedom into our writing. But in ten more years, we won't care at all. It doesn't usually appeal to anyone outside of their twenties!

So I'll encourage you to look beyond these horizons and apply your considerable talents there. Hope that makes sense. Lemme know if you have any questions~
Good luck and /keep writing/!

Ok, Andy Here for a review!

Well, I am really not sure what this is. You have it listed as poetry, But It doesn't seem to be that. You don't seem to rhyme either. On the other hand, This doesn't have full sentences, and seems to be fragmented.

So the first thing you need to fix is the grammar. You frequently forget to capitalize your sentences, and you are missing periods/commas/ whatever needed. Could you elaborate more on what on earth is going on here? Thanks- Andy