What's going on?
You really don't know?
You seem to be out of it.
I thought you would know
What's going on?
They say this,
They say that.
They shun you,
They befriend you.
Whats going on?
Why do you care?
Oh, You do, do you?
It is simple.
It is called...
A CLIQUE
It's not hard, nor easy.
It's only as tough as they make it.
Your in, or your out.
Do they like you or not?
What's going on is that.
Do you understand?
Do they understand?
Do they know what it does?
To every outsider.
To every outsider's inside.
NO
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Greetings I'm LastPaladin I'll be your reviewer. I'll be blunt straight off, I didn't like it, but to explain why is that it's not a poem, it's only a series of statements. And it come across as moany and not in good way. Not even in 'woe is me' it's generic and doesn't even try be unique.
You have no emotion no imagery, nothing for us to see the situation with, instead you overload us with cliché comments. You instead give us stilted jaded remarks without any actual emotion or images, or even a metaphor to base it off of.
I'm sure you can do better than this. Give the image, and show us a story, remember 'Show don't tell.'
Hope this helped.
This was good, better read aloud than inside
It's missing something. You've got all the points to make a good poem. But you missed perfection by a mark - Where's the emotion? I understand you might make it cliche by groaning about your groaning heart, but still. Whatever the case well done. Also, you might wanna make this clearer. You've told us the basics. Tell us what a CLIQUE is for this girl (I'm assuming it's about a girl).
Fly On,
Write On,
TheNewHero
Hi, Jemjive!
PM me with any questions.
First of all, you can safely scratch the disclaimer in the beginning. Don't want to make it too easy for the readers, eh?
I quite like the dialogue effect. I like to do it myself, too. I'm not sure if the bold font is needed, but it did make this a bit more interesting. I especially like the very ending -- the "no" is strong, and without it the ending would have been dull and uninteresting.
This is a good body for the poem. Now all you need to do is add dynamics, details, and replace the common expressions that don't give anything to the poem itself (like "It is simple") with something with flavour. I think your strongest stanza is probably the first one, and the ending of the last one (before "No"). All in all, it doesn't seem very special, but you can fix that with details and a little description. At the moment, the poem seems more like a draft.
Good luck!
Demeter
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