The Dolphin

Yes, I know the format is god-awful, but a derpy thing happened, so blame technology.

This was adorable! Reformat this and it'll be even better!

Assuming that you didn't know how to format this, I'll ignore that and just focus on the poem itself. It's short, sweet, and simple, and that's exactly as it should be in this case.

The one suggestion that I have is to find a different form of conclusion. The ending felt unsatisfying, and while I like the concept, I just felt like there was still more to be said. Nevertheless, this was a great poem, and I hope to see more of your work in the future!

Keep writing and best wishes! xx

This is cute. I like dolphins ^-^. But I do have a couple critiques.
1- This is the incorrect format for a poem, and I personally get annoyed by that.
and
2- I agree with VeerenVKS , I felt somewhat empty at the end.
But, like I said, this is really cute. Just work a little bit more and you can go far. c:

~Tale x

Heya Jellyfox!
Okay, before I review this, I just have to tell you that this is in NO WAY a bad poem. I'm not really a poet so everything I say is purely from a novelists point of view.

So with that in mind, first off is the format. The use of '/'s instead of spaces probably wasn't the best idea, especially for something so short. Just from looks, it seems pretty incomplete, like you forgot to finish it.

Now when you read the actual poem, this also feels incomplete. As the reader, I feel sort of empty, like I'm still waiting for a point to come across. What I get from this is that you wonder if it's better to feel emotions than not. But on the outside, I see a bunch of pointless other lines, like where you live, and how dolphins don't understand (which is quite clever now that I think about it).

Maybe it's something about poetry that I don't understand that makes this so confusing to me. Maybe it's just a confusing poem, but like I said before, it's in no way bad. It definitely sent a message to mean as I read it, but left me feeling confused after.

But thanks for a quick read anyway, keep on writing

Hi jellyfox,

I quite like the idea of writing a poem from a dolphin's perspective. After all, dolphins are super smart. Maybe they already write poetry.

I have to completely disagree with every single thing you wrote though. Dolphins do feel pain, and fear, and loss. So this doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

I can see what you're trying to do -- use something non-human to show whether it's better to have feelings or not have them at all. How about a robot instead? Or a lamp. Lamps definitely don't feel fear.

Your two best lines are the first two. Briny beach and salty sea are some good descriptions. But the rest of it has nothing to add. Here's what I'd salvage from your poem:

I live beyond the briny beach,
under the salty sea.

Always go for active rather than passive voice. It just feels and sounds and looks better.

Start with these two lines, and write something completely different. Try and really imagine what a dolphin's life must be like. They do feel. Dolphins have a lot of fun and like to play a lot. Write about that. Write about something. Because this essentially has nothing in right now.

Good luck.

It would be better if it was in a different format, but I like the thought that you have introduced. The idea of the poem is that there is a safe haven under the ocean and its peaceful. You captured so much in so little space, that I would like to see what else you can come up with. It would be great to see this poem expanded.

I wish you had done it in a different format like this-

Beyond the briny beach
And under the salty sea
I live
Never knowing pain
or fear
or loss

Is it better to know these things?
I do not know
There are some things that can't be answered
by man
or dolphin
or poem


You had me captivated with your descriptions right at the beginning with the briny beach and salty seas. Description brings words to life. You have this aspect of writing under control.

This poem is a very unique idea that you have put together and I have faith in your writing. Continue writing and I beleive that more thoughtful and presise work will come from you.

Short. Well written. That's really all i have to say,
loved these parts:
Beyond the briny beach/ And under the salty sea/ I live/ Never knowing pain/ or fear/ or loss/ // Is it better to know these things?/ I do not know/ There are some things that can't be answered/ by man/ or dolphin/ or poem
A.K.A the entire poem.

This is interesting and cute,..

Keep going and have faith,..
=)

Hm. Very interesting peice you have here.

I don't really like the format in which you've put it in though, and the slashes don't make the poem clash together like it's suppost to. I like your way of writing, and I think you can fix this. Please do.

~Pix

You've got a very unique style of writing in which I admired .