Young Writers Society

Hey jazi!

Wow, I wasn't really expecting much from a poem titled "Father Time", but there's something about the raw emotion and dialogue-like style of the poem that really hits deep.

So the first thing was that it took a while for me to figure out if the narrator is talking to the father or if the narrator is the father. Whether this was intentional or not, I think it's not too big of a deal, just something I wanted to point out.

Secondly, Messy already covered this but I also really like the strange spacing. Most poems opt for a stanza-by-stanza style, which is honestly kind of blocky. The flowy spoken format of the poem really sets a fitting tone.

What happened?

You're so closed off now

You take and take

But hardly ever give

I often try and stop to smell all the flowers

I pause to enjoy the scenery for a bit

Can't you do that too?

Like you used to?

Aren't you sick of the blur?

Aren't you exhausted?

Take a break from running

slow down

Hey there! Welcome to YWS and Happy Review Day!

I don't know if this was intentional, or just YWS messing with your spacing, but I think that having 0 stanzas, opting for line after line after line, actually really works with the message of this poem. Time doesn't stop. It doesn't have breaks and doesn't slow down.

In the first half I found this to be a good poem, but the second half is where it really made me feel something. I love your use of rhetorical questions. Putting the onus on Father Time to do some of the work instead of it all being on you. Particularly, the line "Like you used to?" Stood out to me, because we all find this to be true as we grow up. When you're younger years feel longer, days are longer. Christmas takes foreeeever to come back around, but literally it's math and percentages xD

I like the conflict in the second half. I will say though, that with the personification of time. It's interesting to ask Time why he moves so fast. Because Time is actually moving at a consistent pace. He isn't speeding or slowing down. Pace doesn't affect him because he'll forever march on and get to experience sunsets and beach walks and snowfalls and thunderstorms forever. It's a good contrast with us though. It can be really hard to appreciate all the little things.

I actually think that a follow up poem from Father Time would be a really cool concept. I know that's not a typical thing to do, but there are some really interesting ideas you could play with there, from a more zoomed put perspective on life.

A couple of grammar notes for you: "I often try and stop to smell the roses " I believe the "and" and the "to" should be flipped. Also, you are missing a question mark in any of the lines past the midway point. I'm not sure if that was intentional because they are rhetorical, but it seemed inconsistent with the earlier punctuation choices, especially because you do use them again at the end. Other than that though, I liked the format and the content of the poem:) hope this helps!

~ Messy