Young Writers Society

This is really quite cool, isn't it?

I don't know why you have elected to start every line with S, but it's pretty interesting aesthetically, and it doesn't seem to hinder you at all; the lines you have are beautiful, really.

I feel like you were talking about some past, most likely first, love ("stars shine in the reflections of forgotten eyes"), but correct me if I'm wrong. They felt like disorganized and cluttered memories that have been somewhat forgotten and are now these rather simplistic, idealized thoughts welling up at the surface some time later. I'm not sure the true meaning of this poem, of course, but that was the image that I got.

In any case, this is written very well, and I am sad to say that I have nothing to critique in the way of style.

Keep writing and best wishes! xx

Hey, Jaymee!
Let me just start off by saying that I noticed that each line of your poem here starts with the letter S.. Cute. One thing is that there is poor flow, and that each of your lines are mouthfuls.. In order to fix that, you could cut them in half, which would mess up the 'S' flow..
Keep up the good work, kiddo. I hope to see a lot more of your work in the upcoming future. If you have any questions, feel free to either message me or post a comment upon my wall.
Sincerely yours,
Euph

Jaymee,

This review is sponsored by Team Kuzco so you can be assured of his extravagances But enough about that, let's dig into this review, shall we? First, I'd like to congratulate you on keeping up with the S's for 20 lines in a row 8D I love experimenting with form and experimenting with words, and I love it when people play around with these things and come up with these creations ^-^ I actually think doing these sorts of things is clever and good practice with crafting. Eventually, you do this enough, and you'll be in real command of manipulating a lot of aesthetics to getting the result you want c:

One thing to remember when doing these sorts of things is that there should always be a purpose. Why start every line with an S? I'm curious as to how you made the decision to write a poem like that, because I'm not sure myself why you did it. It made this piece interesting to be sure, but in the end it's just something kind of cool to look at - and the sounds you get are pretty and unorthodox, but it doesn't really help the poem as a whole - See, everything in poetry has to have some kind of intention, this is because you have to make decisions and choices in poetry all the time. When you operate on a limited word count and a rigid structure, then you have to make sure that every word you're using is contributing to the poem in some way. And it doesn't just stop there - but also, line breaks, and word choice, and even sometimes punctuation. S's always find a home in poetry because it creates a hissing sound - and that sort of lyric is really helpful to utilize. I find that your poem is actually more suspenseful, prolly because of the sounds - the S's too, sort of blend pretty easily, so that is kind of interesting. You have here a lot of images too that seem to blend from one to the other. But you are still adhering to a difficult structure, so it comes up a bit forced in just some parts. More often than not though and for the whole, this poem is pretty smooth in its transitions from line to line c:

The images are beautiful - I like the end there with the setting suns beneath the skyline, and the sugarcane dances - these are really nice imagery, but it's difficult to follow exactly where the idea is behind all of these images. I'd say it's probably because there are no stanza breaks, so we're forced to kind of take it in one gulp without pause for reflection - but also because each image just continues onto the next and it's difficult to keep up.

Still, you show excellent handle of craft, as I'm sure this was something that was fairly challenging to write. I hope to read more from you c: Let me know if you have any questions!

~ as always, Audy

Hello there!

I'm TwistedMuffins, and I'm going to review your poem today.

The first thing that got me off-guard as soon as this page opened, was that every first word of every sentence began with a 'S'. I found that very smart, and unique. I believe it must have been pretty hard. But as I started to read your poem, it did annoy and irritate my eyes a bit, but then again, I'm pretty sure that it's just me xD

jaymee wrote:Soon misplaced amongst the daytime bustle.

jaymee wrote:Setting suns slip smoothly beneath the skyline;

jaymee wrote:Sugarcane dances in the fickle morning breeze,