It's Not Fair (Part Two)

Part Two edited- “Rawr,” says the historic dinosaur.

Ashlynn couldn’t decide on what to wear to school the following day. She had trashed her entire closet, not that it was in perfect condition in the first place. Clothes that she hadn’t worn in months were scattered on her bed and floor.

“Why the sudden interest in apparel?” Stella asked. Ashlynn had called for reinforcements.

Ashlynn picked up the cell phone off her nightstand and turned off speaker phone.

“I, like, totally want to impress this really hot guy,” Ashlynn said sarcastically. “I don’t know, Stella. I want to wear something different for a change.”

Ashlynn could hear Stella tapping something like a pen or something on the other end. She knew that her best friend was growing impatient. Once again, the model student had forgotten to do her homework.

“How about the pleated skirt and the high socks that we bought at the fall festival last year. You could wear a plain white t-shirt with that. And voila, you’re beautiful.”

Ashlynn threw the phone in a pile of clothes and searched for the outfit that Stella had picked out.

“Ash? Ash!” Ashlynn heard Stella’s squeaky voice from across the room.

On her hands and knees, Ashlynn crawled over to her phone, her skirt over her shoulder.

“Sorry, I was playing ‘Where’s Waldo’ with my outfit.”

Stella laughed. “I have to finish this stupid paragraph. I’ll see you in school, kay?”

“Bye, Babe.”

Stella snorted, “Peace.”

Continuing her search, Ashlynn found her knee high knitted socks under her bed and a plain t-shirt flung on an overflowing shelf in her book case. She had made a mental note to alphabetize her book collection, but never got around to it.

She let her nose lead her down to the kitchen. The overwhelming smell of bacon and eggs created a dilemma for Ashlynn. She had made it her top priority to watch what she ate when it was off season. Working out and eating apples was her only way to prepare for lacrosse try-outs in the fall.

Avoiding looking at the yummy buffet of food, Ashlynn grabbed a yogurt from the fridge and sighed when she realized her last water was gone.

“Reminder: buy water!” Ashlynn said as she ran for the door.

“Yeah,” was all her father said before she left for school.

“I am a total genius. You look hot.” Stella couldn’t help appraising her fashion sense. Ashlynn didn’t know Jimmy Choos from Sketchers, but Stella was always keeping up with the latest fashions.

Stella was wearing tight black pants, high heels, and her grey tunic that she had bought at the Harley Davidson store down the block from Ashlynn’s house the weekend before. Stella said that it might make dangerous guys think she was hot.

Ashlynn did a small curtsy for Stella before entering their first class. Stella let out a small laugh and they took their seats in the back of the class.

Rex walked in the classroom once Ashlynn was comfortable in her seat. Rex’s arm was wrapped around Robin’s neck. Ashlynn let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding in once Rex stopped touching his girlfriend.

“Yo, Ash!” Stella said, waving her arm in front of Ashlynn’s face. “What’s your deal? You are totally out of it.”

Ashlynn shrugged and started flipping through her notebook, not even looking at the pages.

Her teacher, Mr. Salinger, called class to order and she let his teaching of the world’s history drone out any other thoughts.

Throughout class, she caught herself glancing in Rex and Robin’s direction.

Stop that, she hissed at herself silently.

Robin continued talking to some of her friends while Mr. Salinger tried to lecture about the chapter. He kept pausing and the girls would get quiet, but once he started talking again, so did the group of girls.

Mr. Salinger’s face grew red and he sat at his desk.

“I guess you don’t want to learn. That being so, I will not waste my time teaching you when you aren’t even listening.” He paused and looked around the room. “Some people want to learn and get an education. You need this class to graduate. If you don’t want to pay attention, that’s fine by me. But I will not have you talking while I am trying to teach. I will not have it.” He folded his hands on his desk. “If you wish to act like children, I will treat you as such. Next person to speak will have detention with me every day after school this week. Am I making myself clear?”

No one answered his question and he smiled. “Good. As punishment now, however, we will be staying quiet for the rest of the class. You will learn the section by yourself and take notes. The notes you are going to take will be graded. Once you finish that, I want you to write a three page essay describing the relationship between Hitler and Mussolini. Get going.”

She let out an overdramatic sigh. It was louder than she expected and Mr. Salinger snapped in Ashlynn’s direction.

“Miss Lane?” Mr. Salinger said, anger in his voice. “Is there something wrong with this assignment?”

“Well,” she said before she could think about the words, “I just don’t think it’s fair that the entire class has to do this when only a certain amount of people were actually talking.”

“Just do the assignment, Miss Lane.”

“Why should I be punished because the bimbettes wouldn’t stop talking?”

A few of her classmates started giggling and Robin glared in Ashlynn’s direction. Robin’s expression was hard and made Ashlynn’s lips twitch up in a smile. Anything to see that expression on Robin’s face, Ashlynn thought.

“Because I said so!” Mr. Salinger continued. “You will do this assignment, Ashlynn, or you will be sent to the office and I’ll let the Mr. Granger deal with you.”

Ashlynn sat up in her seat. The ultimatum that Mr. Salinger presented her with was quite intriguing. “I’m not going to do it.”

“Neither am I.”

One of Ashlynn’s classmates had slapped down their pencil and stood from their seat. It was Rex.

“I didn’t say one God damned thing in this class and I have to write an essay? This is bull shit.”

Rex walked out of the classroom with a hard expression on his face. Ashlynn glanced at Robin who stared at Rex with her mouth hung open.

Mr. Salinger looked back at Ashlynn. His face was growing redder. “Get out!”

Ashlynn rushed out of the classroom and down the hall. She stopped, however, once she reached Rex. His arms swung by his side. He was wearing an American Eagle t-shirt that was tight on his chest and around his arms.

“Why’d you do that?” Ashlynn asked him.

He shrugged. “You were right, that wasn’t fair.”

Rex didn’t look at Ashlynn as they spoke.

“But you’re going to get a detention, that’s stupid.” Ashlynn couldn’t help questioning him. His motives didn’t make sense to her.

Rex shrugged again. “I guess I just like being a rebel.” There was a hint of sarcasm in his voice. The rest sounded like longing.

Ashlynn wondered what the longing was for all through Mr. Granger’s lecture about obedience. She nodded and accepted her detention slip without a fight and joined Rex in the main office. They didn’t say another word for the rest of first period.

As they left the office, Rex said, “See you around, Ash.”

She blushed. Ashlynn turned her face away from him to hide her expression. “Whatever,” she said, and walked away.

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
EllyMelly
Review

Good Afternoon, Jasmine!

Here are my comments and/or suggestions:

1) How long has Ash known Stella? Are we (the readers) going to know anything else about her? Likes and dislikes? Does she not like the popular kids as much as Ash? And what's with Ash starting to like clothes? She doesn't seem like the type of person to like it. Oh, and is that hot guy Rex, supposedly?

2) Wow. Rex is like all with Robin. Weird. I thought he didn't like her. Or did she just pity him into it? I can totally picture her doing it.

3) Okay, Salinger really needs a breather. He's going to explode any minute. Oh my! Go Ash! I was shocked (a little) that she talked out like that. And that way she dissed those bimbettes?! Amazing. Jasmine, that was totally cool. And Rex? Whoa, there. That was...unexpected. Hey! And Rex and Ash are talking. Cool. Cool. Is something going to happen between them...?

4) Sorry, if this wasn't helpful. This review was mostly my thoughts and comments on how funny this was. Wonderful!

Melly

User avatar
Octave
Review
Octave wrote a review · Mon May 18, 2009 8:19 am

Hi! Sorry it took so long. So here I am again. Let's start.


“Why the sudden interest in apparel?”


Try to use a different word for apparel. Clothes, maybe? Just not apparel. It's too formal. I think the dialogue would flow better if you use an everyday word. ^^


She knew that her best friend was growing impatient..


You can take out "that". The sentence works fine without it and the word "that" slows it down.


Once again, the model student forgot to do her homework.


Eh? What does homework have to do with clothes?

“How about the pleaded skirt and the high socks that we bought at the fall festival last year. You could wear a plain white t-shirt with that. And voila, I’m a genius.”


"How about the pleated skirt and high socks we bought at the fall festival last year? You could wear..."


Ashlynn didn’t know Jimmy Chews from Sketchers


Jimmy Choos from Skechers.

Unless you meant to spell it that way because Ashlynn really didn't know.

Stella was wearing tight black pants and high heels. She was wearing her grey tunic that she had bought at the Harley Davidson store down the block from Ashlynn’s house last weekend.


Stella wore tight black pants, high heels and a gray tunic she bought at the Harley Davidson store last weekend.

You put in so much information about the store that I was distracted from the story. And also, kill passivity. ^^


“I just don’t think it’s fair that the entire class has to do this any one a certain amount of people were actually talking.”


...has to do this when only certain people were actually talking."

I think that's what you meant.

Ashlynn glanced at Robin who stared at Rex with her mouth hung open.


...at Robin, who stared at Rex with her mouth hanging open.


His face was growing redder.


Kill passivity. xD


Ashlynn wondered what the longing was for all through Mr. Granger’s lecture about obedience.


...throughout Mr. Granger's lecture...



Overall comments: It's good. It shows us that Rex and Ashlynn are starting to become friends. A budding relationship! xD

User avatar
Mars
Review
Mars wrote a review · Tue May 12, 2009 6:35 pm

Hello! So you know, I have read the first part, so I'm not totally clueless, and I can't believe no one has reviewed this yet...so here I go!

“How about the pleaded skirt and the high socks

*pleated

her only way to prepare for lacross try-outs in the fall.

*lacrosse

Stella was wearing tight black pants and high heels. She was wearing her grey tunic that

I dislike the repetition there... you could squish it into one sentence, like: Stella was wearing tight black pants, high heels, and the grey tunic that... or something like that.

Rex’s arm was rapped around Robin’s neck.

*wrapped

“I just don’t think it’s fair that the entire class has to do this any one a certain amount of people were actually talking.”

*when only

“Why should I be punished because the bimbetts wouldn’t stop talking?”

*bimbettes. Also, I love this line. A lot.

Overall. Aw, that was so cute. Besides the spelling errors that I pointed out there were some places where the writing didn't seem to flow as well as it should, like the 'she was wearing' line I pointed out. I think you can easily clear those up by reading through it again and possibly reading it out loud, just so you can hear how it sounds and what works and what doesn't.

I love the way you characterized Ashlynn. Her outburst in class definitely added to her personality so I got a sense of who she was and so I have absolutely no complaints there, and same goes for Rex. The only thing I suggest is to mention her friend Stella in passing at least in the first part, because when you first said 'Stella' here I was confused momentarily. So yeah, maybe just drop it in with a 'Ash's best friend' attached or something.

Anyway, I'll be looking forward to the next part...there is one, right? Good luck, and PM me if you have any questions!
-Mars



Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.
— Brené Brown