Dear you
You're a part of me
You're eating away at
All the things that I am
You're in my veins
Taking me down
Tearing at my heart
Another tragedy
Dying tragedy
You can take me down
(chorus)
You're growing a part of me
Stealing the breaths I take
Pulling me closer
To the edge of the day
With every step I take
You're holding on to me
Every second sigh and
You're fading away
Deaf to all you see
Shadows in my everyday
Cruel desperation you
Hold my world in your hands
Hide the deepest scars
Holding back all your fears
I'm on the edge of
Another tragedy
Dying tragedy
You can take me down
(chorus)
(bridge)
Close your eyes
To all the stabs
And wounds you break
That take you away
Close your eyes
To all the pricks
And skin that breaks
To move you away
(chorus)
Another tragedy
This will set me free
Dying tragedy
This will set me free
This will set me free
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
October Girl - thanks for the review!
Some of the lines are the way they are because of how the music this song was originally written for flowed... I had to reword some lines and shorten them to make them fit into the rhythm of the song.
Sadly, other lyrics were used for the original piece of music so I still need to write music for this... heh.
I guess I should explain the concept first. It's about addiction... something that's within you and that controls you - shortening your lifespan and stealing your years without you even thinking about it.
The third verse:
Again, back to the original idea - when you're addicted to something, you don't really listen or think... it casts a cloud over everything and it consumes you so that your world revolves around it.
That was sort of the idea.
1. Try to begin with: My dearest...
2. What does the 3rd verse mean?
3. I don't quite understand the whole concept actually.
4. I'm not a huge fan of lyrics, so I hope someone else will review your work and help you more than me.
[quote="janey"]Dear you
))
You're a part of me
You're eating away at
All the things that I am>>> I don't really understand this part I mean for the beginning. Try something like this (below)
Did you know, you seem to have become, a part of me?
Taken over my body, making it your own.
You hate,
the things that I am.
Your draining my soul,
just leave me alone.
((something like that
You're in my veins
Taking me down
Tearing at my heart
Another tragedy>>I love this, it's great for a song, perfect
Dying tragedy
You can take me down>> this sounds depresing but I really like it.
(chorus)
You're growing a part of me>> This sounds awkward something more like
(Your taking over everything I am, all of me)!
Stealing the breaths I take
Pulling me closer
To the edge of the day
With every step I take
You're holding on to me
Every second sigh and
You're fading away>> I liket his paragraph the most it's great for the chorus
Deaf to all you see
Shadows in my everyday
Cruel desperation you
Hold my world in your hands>>I'm not sure what this one is.
Hide the deepest scars
Holding back all your fears
I'm on the edge of
Another tragedy>> no offence but I don't like this one (sorry
Dying tragedy
You can take me down
(chorus)
(bridge)
Close your eyes
To all the stabs
And wounds you break
That take you away>> I do like this one.
Close your eyes
To all the pricks
And skin that breaks
To move you away
(chorus)
Another tragedy
This will set me free
Dying tragedy
This will set me free
This will set me free[/quote]
_________
Hey there, Maax here. I like this, it's perfect for lyrics I really like this