Sad

Hi,
Oh my. A sad poem. I love this genre of poem. Gosh!

**Review Starts Here (Review Day's Review)**

Perhaps trapped in a sad song

The sky dying every time you cry

Getting a little further apart by time

Can't be placed between two lines

Three years of begging, pleading

Not to come across with a catastrophic ending

Bad times, there has been a lot

Photograph with a shining smile

Has me thinking the white star in my black heart

It could be you and me

Kept in a sad movie

Background music following with a beat

Two a.m, dark street

Along with tears of beauty

Sweep me off my feet

Connect with a kiss, maybe

Oh, with the sticky glue of the night

It is going to be alright

Wishing to be remembered

Even when we are out of sight

Hello! It's me, ILoveBooks. You probably don't know me because I wasn't really online for a couple of months already. So yeah. You probably don't know me at all. Anyway I'm here for a review of your poem! And if you must know, It's Review Day!

So Happy Review Day by the way!! (That's a little rhymed )

First of all, I would like to congratulate you for writing one great poem. As I saw your profile...You are new here. So welcome too! It was your first attempt of writing one but it ended up great! But of course there's some few things to nitpick with. So I hope you don't mind.

So shall we start?

First of all...I like your topic. So much. Your topic was about a relationship that express with bitter sweet one. There's time it was giving me hopes because of the small sweetness I notice. And there's a part of me that cause me to become bitter about. It give the thrills. And the poem made me express different emotions. Which was one of the most important thing when showing your readers your poem. The readers should feel and express emotions through the poem. And can relate to the topic of the poem.

Second, your choice of words are also great. It actually give more meaning to everything you said about the poem. It was also great so there's no more problem for that.

The only problem for me is the title...I mean 'Sad' was good. But you can think of a betyter title that will actually caught others attention and make them think 'Oh this poem caught my attention. What topic is this all about.' That's the point of Title....It caught people's attention and curiosity. Well I have to admit writing up a title is hard. So I give you that. Because I think it's your first time writing a poem.

Another thing I have a problem is the flow, because there's a part where it get different. So I think it's better if you put some proper punctuation marks.

Another is the rhyming, you dont need to force rhyme everything. Because you can still write something without rhyming it. Beside, if you are just trying to find a word to rhyme that line but isn't really connected at all. You shouldn't rhyme it at all.

But hey that's okay.

That's all for my review. I hope you continue to write some poems like this. It will inspire other people to be honest. And I hope my review help you. You got a wonderful writing skill so don't stop trying your best.

I wish you the best. And again, Happy Review Day!

-ILoveBooks out

Hiya! First of all, great job I'm going to attempt an review here... But just to warn ya, I'm not too sure if my skills are quite up to par. (I can try though, right?)

Let's start with the easy part, shall we?


"The Good":
--------------
-The feel
*Your description makes it quite easy to imagine the scene you want to display. This evokes a bitter sweet relationship, one through its failings, still seems to be surviving -somehow. Your character wishes for nothing else but for it to continue, and relives the memories. Sadly enough, he knows deep down that things are fading away. (So is my take anyway)

-Word choice
*"...the white star in my black heart" "sticky glue of the night" There are a few select phrases here that preeetty good.


"The Slightly Less Good":
------------------------------
-The flow
*I often like to read poetry out loud in order to find a sense of rhythm. Some lines, however, were quite a bit wordier than others. Perhaps you should add in punctuation where you'd like to break things up? (Maybe?) "Not to come across as a catastrophic ending" for example, was somewhat of a mouthful for me. I found myself reading it quickly, having the words feel a bit awkward otherwise.
*The rhyme scheme came across as a little odd as well. However, I don't typically use a traditional scheme whilst writing poetry either.

-Rhyme vs. Meaning
*Don't sacrifice meaning for the sake of rhyming. Poetry doesn't have to be submerged in vowel-chime

-Word choice
*I gave you some props for this one, but it's something I find (myself definitely, definitely included) an area that often can be improved. It's not just "sad," but "melancholic," "crestfallen," "dejected..." Not "kept," but "detained," "ensnared," "imprisoned" etc.

-The feel
*Again, going back to what was already mentioned... Just taking a bit of a different look this time... For something titled "sad" it wasn't exactly filled with sorrow. As said, a thing more bitter sweet. There seemed to be a sense of longing in his reflection, a fondness in recall. Whereas there's no problem with this emotional appeal, I can't help wonder what message you mean to convey.


All in all, not too shabby! Please do keep writing. I look forward to see what's next.

I do not have much to critique here! Yuor sense of writing style is magnificent. I hope for more of these beautiful stories from you.
Waffle~

Simply beautiful

I love it!