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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi,
I really liked the plot of your story (I think it has real potential!)
The story moved a little fast, and I think it needs more description. Like what they look like in there human forms. I love dogs so that might be partially why I like your story
Keep Writing!!!
~Zanna
P.S. Your story reminded me of Wolfs Rain. (people change into dogs in your story instead of wolves, and you use the name Kiba, the main wolf out of Wolf Rain)
Heya! It's been a little while since I've reviewed someone's work because I've been so busy, so forgive me if I sound a bit spaced out (I'm also pretty tired since I've been working pretty hard this week with my farm, but whatever...)
OK to your creation of beauty. I thought it started really well - and also wasn't too long, which is great in my only half-awake state lol.
A couple of notes:
Something I've noticed about your style is that it's riddled with commas. Calm down and relax! I think that too many commas can make it a bit too "bitty". Anyway, this sentence I think would be improved like so: "My big sister was out shopping while my uncle Richard and auntie Diane sat on the sofa watching a documentary about reptiles. I know the title/word 'auntie' sounds a little babyish since I'm thirteen, but I think it goes well with her name."
"And Kiba's brother, Inu, was out digging a hole in the garden in his canine form, a Kai Ken." Maybe?
I think "I forgot to tell you that every member of our family, all living at 57, Fallidor Road has the power to turn into a dog at will." would sound better.
I think that's pretty much all I need to say. I hope I've helped, and I look forward to following parts of this story! ~*cottonrulz*~