Published February 2, 2010
I wrote this for a creative writing prompt and decided it was a bit chiche, but I liked it.
Poetic Voice
Poetic voice,
Poetic choice.
Freedom for the free of mind;
doorways of the rhyme.
Ebbing seas of memory
beneath a violent gust of lust,
spilling forth onto the page
where some will burn
and some will fade.
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Canary word: Present
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The thing I like most about this poem is the ending. I think that if you were to put more of this image - of fire and burning, etc, perhaps using it as a metaphor? But then, I just really like metaphors.
I think that it would give your poem a stronger image. I'm not too keen on the first four lines; I just think they're a little weak in comparison to the rest of the poem. I do quite like the rest of the poem, though. You added something different to a subject I don't particularly like - poetry about writing poetry. So good job.
Hey, Jame!
Both of the lines in bold disturb the rhythm; they are too short and too long respectively. I'm sure you'll notice this when you read your poem out loud (as you always should!).
This is the only nit-pick I have. I enjoyed the discreet rhyming, and the poem was nicely balanced. It's a sweet and simple poem of poetry, but I think you could go further in how passionate the poem-writing project really is, if you think about it. Also, I felt that the "some" in the ending couplet needs a bit clarifying. Who or what are they?
All in all, I somewhat liked this!
Demeter
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