On Wrestling
Before
I met
The Mat
I was nothing.
After
I met
The Mat
I was something.
Life was simple
now I has meaning.
Life was dull
now it has feeling.
Before I met The Mat
I was just there;
unaware.
Now
I
am
alive,
I
am
free,
I am me.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I was a wrestler myself, in high school years ago. It really does inspire and push you to your limits physically and mentally. If I hadn't wrestled, I can't imagine how I would've turned out during my time as a highschooler. I was nerdy and pathetic before I joined the team.
With that said, though, I digress. The poem's random spacing and lines was a cool thing, I thought. I liked that about it. Also, the simplicity was something that impressed me greatly, because the work doesn't strive to be all pretentious and whatnot; it's simple and to the point. That's good writing for you.
The only thing I can say is that in the future, for your next poem or whatever, consider the use of metaphor or symbolism to really extend to us the depths of your love of the sport. Use imagery to describe what it is exactly that you love about it. But that's all I think you need to think about, really. Otherwise the poem was well done. Nice work mate.
The overuse of spacing
and lines
kind of
threw me off
a
little
bit.
Other then that, a few irrelevant rhymes/transitions("nothing" doesn't rhyme with "something," and sounds rather weird to me when used like you used them), and the shortness and simplicity of the piece, it's a pretty solid poem. Keep writing; you definitely has meaning.
I, in truth, didn't like this so much. The format is annoying, not good at all. So. Yeah.
And, it seemed when you said I am free and I am me, it all just seemed a little too much of a rhyme, like a well overused line.
But, I still like this a lot. You wrestle, I assume? Well, it's good you found an outlet, if so.
Tata.
-Miss Mizz
You has meaning? Sorry, that line made me laugh. You definitely want to fix that. However, I really liked this poem! I loved how you sort of referred to the mat (or The Mat)as a real person, or proper noun. One last nitpick! Nothing and something don't really rhyme. But good job otherwise.
--Dreamy115
Oy, welcome to YWS. ^_^
I rather like this. Its rhythm has the feel of a rap, which fits neatly with the subject - a sport. ("Life was dull / now it has feeling" struck its note; it has a comparison. On the flip side, what precedes - is "it has meaning" or "I" have meaning?)
I'm not certain that the format doesn't distract from the directness of the piece. Though I do like that it waterfalls, tumbles -- loose like a wrestler thrown...down -- until it hits steady ground with "I am me".
For your aim, you made a good mark. ^_^
All the same, you know, you might give more in the description of struggle / change. It's threadbare in the middle. Either threadbare or perfectly spare. In the end, 'tis up to you. It could be filled out without being bulked and unwieldy.
IMP