Nature of Man

by jame1667
  • February 12, 2010
  • Poetry
  • Lyrical

This still needs some work, so tear it apart.
Nature of Man

To take something from someone that they love so much,
they would die for it, is unjust,
and it's nature is such
that it should be deemed unforgivable.
But I'd like to beleive in the good nature of man
and that he does so, not out of spite,
but because he does not understand.

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inkwell
Review
inkwell wrote a review · Fri Feb 12, 2010 5:02 am

jame1667 wrote:This still needs some work, so tear it apart.
Nature of Man

To take something from someone that they love so much,#FF0000 "> I would remove the comma here, no need for the pause.
they would die for it, is unjust,
and it's nature is such
that it should be deemed unforgivable. #FF0000 ">This line is too long.

#FF0000 ">Make a break here.

But I'd like to beleive in the good nature of man #FF0000 ">So is this line.
and that he does so, not out of spite,
but because he does not understand.

#FF0000 ">This stanza should be more like the first one if you care about a rigid structure.


Overall it's a little wordy and could be reduced to less, more potent words. Good subject matter, don't oversimplify it though. The poem has potential, you should go back to it again sometime with a fresh perspective. :)



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