Young Writers Society

Oh my goddd this must be one of the most intense scenes I have read on here in the past week! I absolutely loved the characters and the depth you have given them in just a paragraph. I just noticed one slight problem though, this sentence:

" But he didn’t answer her, didn’t cease looking at her as she worked to restore his messed up face, and she could sense the hostile tension around them both. "

It seems like a bit of a run on sentence, and it kind of breaks the flow and fluency of your words and the atmosphere of the scene.

That's just my opinion though, have a great day!

Ooh, this gives me chills, the characters have so much depth from just a few sentences! Love it.

Hi I’m Leah! I really like this short it very accurately shows emotions you would most likely feel in this situation. Nitpicking though, the sentence, “But he didn’t answer her, didn’t cease looking at her as she worked to restore his messed up face, and she could sense the hostile tension around them both“ might be a bit of a run on though that is just my opinion.
Other than that, I really like it! I can’t wait to see if you write more of this! If you don’t I’ll look for other things you have written. Great job!

Hi I’m Leah! I really like this short it very accurately shows emotions you would most likely feel in this situation. Nitpicking though, the sentence, “But he didn’t answer her, didn’t cease looking at her as she worked to restore his messed up face, and she could sense the hostile tension around them both“ might be a bit of a run on though that is just my opinion.
Other than that, I really like it! I can’t wait to see if you write more of this! If you don’t I’ll look for other things you have written. Great job!