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by jam12347

Hi , im jam. I have a real name but i dont like to use it because its much too long . Thus look at this. What other boys do you know that are called jammed? So until anyone comes up with a better nickname Im jam. Call me jam. I used to write in my journal (not a diary) where I wrote my daily life . Or at least when i had time to write. Some friends used to make fun of me (in a nice way obviously) by saying it was a diary. Others used to encourage me into keep on writing. And other just couldnt keep their eyes of the book. I loved hearing good comments about the book and how they wanted me to keep on writing. If only school gave me grades for writing.

I always thought that. When they said read, i read. Sometimes i wrote in my journal instead. They hardly ever noticed me in the back writing so i was pretty lucky. I guessed it really didnt mind teachers if i wrote. As long as i didnt talk my mouth off to my partners. But it came to the day when i was convinced into playing football for a while. I lost it and never found out if it was because i was playing football and someone stole it or i dropped it. I lost my phone as well that day. Dad really didnt mind. But I did.

It gave me another reason to hate sports. I never really liked it. I was the sensible sentimental nerd of the family. Never the most popular at school. I only had 1 to 5 friends. the rest i just knew them. My big brother was the athlete of the family. Played soccer a lot and did many push ups and curl ups. We were always so so so diffrent. In fact he had a friend that looked a lot like him but he was a year smaller. Everytime i followed them it turned out others thought he was his brother and i was a friend. Much too diffrent came to my mind. He was white, i was tanned. He was blond, i had black hair. He had green eyes, i had heizel eyes. He was manly, i was sentimental. He was serious and much too quite, i just didnt shut my mouth up. He was the sportist. i was the nerd with good hand writing and pretty drawing. But even though we were so diffrent, we always found a way to not squeeze our heads off. He ended up going to the marines. Something i would never think of or would have the oppurtunity of doing. Marines do lots of exercise while i can bearly do half a push up. Thus i wouldnt be accepted due to the fact that i have flat foot.

After my parents divorce, i grew much too fat. i laughed at my own self making life fun. A person would think this is akward but it seemed pretty funny. I really dont know why. But i did it and it felt funny. Lol. I one day thought it was fun to write so i bought a journal and scribbled down everything that happened everything in my young 13 year old life. Everyday i feel i become older. With older for some reason I feel i am 80 years old. I guess growing up with only your dad without brothers can make you age in the inside. Wiser. Older. Naa. More or less lazy or tiring. I have had a tough life. Not the worst nor the best. I would write about it as well but i dont like to affect others feelings nor live in the past holding a grudge. So for now ill write acuratley. But not now because i need to do homework and procrastination is one of my problems.

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User avatar
61 Reviews

Points: 7583
Reviews: 61

Sun Nov 24, 2013 9:00 pm
FireFox wrote a review...

Hey, there, Jam! FireFox here reviewing on behalf of the Apple Dumpling Gang! I must agree with Iggy and the previous comments that this would be better as a blog post, but I'm glad to see a sample of your writing!

I guess your main issues are really just your grammar and spelling mistakes. Those are easily fixed. It just requires practice, practice, and more practice, just like anything else! Additionally, there were a few parts that were just a little repetitive (you said the same thing multiple times). That is also an easy fix. I agree that if you broke up this big block of text into paragraphs, it would be a lot easier for your readers to understand. Also, perhaps English is your second language, or perhaps you just made a few errors, but it seems some of your sentences are written backwards and some things just don't quite make sense, i.e. "Thus look at this. What other boys do you know that are called jammed?" One last thing - here on YWS, and in the writing world in general, text speak and abbreviations are despised! I saw the term "lol" was used, and I have to admit that it made me cringe... Just a suggestion that perhaps you could avoid text speak and clean up the grammar a bit. This could make for a nice little about me!


User avatar
933 Reviews

Points: 4311
Reviews: 933

Fri Oct 25, 2013 4:46 pm
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Iggy wrote a review...

Greetings, jam!

So yes, the reviews below mine are correct - this would do better as a blog entry. You can create one here, so check that out!

And now I shall attempt to get this out of the Green Room by reviewing.. okay. So. Let's talk about your grammar. A few things I noticed was text talking (im for example), a lack of proper capitalization on your pronouns (mainly the i's), and an unnecessary space between a word and a punctuation mark, like this .

Those are things you need to keep in mind when writing a story, or in this case, a blog entry. This is a site for writers after all, so we do have our grammar Nazism in us!

Another note - length. Always break things up into independent paragraphs! This big block of text was rather intimidating at first! ;)

PM me if you have any questions, and again - welcome to YWS! I look forward to seeing what you'll write.


Random avatar

Points: 2966
Reviews: 142

Fri Oct 25, 2013 3:25 am
Bugslake wrote a review...

I agree with emjayc, a blog could totally be your thing. There are some point when you Change subject meaning that you should also create a new paragraph. There are other grammatical errors, but you can always work on that. I have learned that I suck at grammar and I learn from those that review my work. Don't get upset when someone tells you what you can fix, they are only trying to help your writing grow.

jam12347 says...

thanks i really appreciate what you comment. How you said its a good thing to learn from others. thanks ill work on my grammar. jam

User avatar
105 Reviews

Points: 6357
Reviews: 105

Fri Oct 25, 2013 1:34 am
emjayc says...

Hi jam ^^ Nice hearing a little about you and your life. You could try writing a blog, that would seem to be your forte :)

jam12347 says...

thanks i really appreciate your comment thx.

Everything in the universe has a rhythm, everything dances.
— Maya Angelou