Hey, this is a draft at the moment, need more inspiration to finish and tweak it. But it seems good for a rough copy. Have a look, review, love,hate or even eat a sandwich.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello there, Jake.
First off, I'd like to commend you for your formatting. It is easy to read, and the chorus and verses are clearly separated. This is much appreciated. The centering, however, makes this a bit difficult to read.
That said, you had a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes, such as this one:
Lyrics follow the same spelling and grammar conventions as regular prose. If they didn't, they wouldn't be understandable. Now, while I can see why you may have put some extra commas in here and there to show the ends of melodic phrases, your reviewers do not have the benefit of seeing the sheet music nor listening to the song, so such extra punctuation reads as a bit superfluous. I suggest just punctuating your lyrics according to convention; it will make your lyrics easier to read.
Grammar and spelling aside, what you have so far flows well, and I can definitely see this being sung. In that regards, you did a good job.
Good luck with finishing.
Hey again Jake. First off:
Gladly! *Makes a sandwich and prepares to review* This will be hard without a spell check button.
That was a really sweet love song. Some parts need work and I think you used some commas where they don't really need to be. I went by what I knew was spelled right and saw nothing wrong with your spelling. I hope you write more stuff sometime!
~Ladypurple.