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Round and Round Chapter 2

by jadeactor

(Please note that this book is not the end of the book. There will be more chapters. I need to tell you this because...hehe... >:) I don't like writing long stuff, so expect this to be quite short. I don't know the appropriate length of books like this so...yeah. Tiny note: IDK if I wrote Sylvia's autism correctly, I only wrote her autism from my own experiences with it :) )


I wake up in my bedroom, my head feeling as if multiple spikes were stabbing at it. I chuckle to myself. Guess I had too much to drink, then, I think, before sluggishly heading downstairs. I see Jake preparing breakfast early in the morning. He's flipping a pancake and wearing an apron. I hug him from behind.

"Morning, honey..." I say in a whisper, as my voice is way too tired from screaming yesterday. 

"Yeah...I'm almost done with the pancakes, just sit down at the dinner table, okay?" asks Jake.

"Okay..." I take a seat at the dinner table. Jake brings out two plates of pancakes, of which he puts one of them in front of me. I take a feel of the plate. I feel the pattern of the plate, and the size and thickness of the plate. Okay. I poke the pancakes with my finger. Exactly the same height and length. The texture feels the same. I trace my finger around the circumference of the pancake. Safe. I slice the pancake into small parts, and take a bite. Mmm. Delicious. Jake looks at me, a curious look on his face. 

"Why do you always do that? Feel the pancake, I mean," asks Jake.

"Well...It's my mojo! My mojo! I feel like it's uh...just gotta do it! You know what I mean? I just gotta make sure that the pancake is...uh...normal." I say in a nonchalant manner. Jake is the only one who's accepted me for my mannerisms. Although, at one point, Jake has to work. We are adults, after all. Jake is the only one among us with an actual college degree, so can work. Even if I tried to get a job, they would probably decline me, after they hear about my disability...

Speaking of, Jake starts to put on his jacket. I help him to tie his tie. I don't need to know where he works, I just need to know that he'll come back for me. "I love-" I begin to say, but the pitch is off. "I love you. I love you." I say, before putting my head against his chest. I got over fearing physical touch a long time ago. 

Jake pets my head. "I love you, too." He opens the door, and leaves the house via bus.  Ah...Now it's just me, isn't it? I look inside the fridge. Great. I take out a brandy can, and drink it. I relish the taste, the fizzy taste it brings, before the crash. Then, I hear a knock on the door. I open the door, and a young man in a suit shows up in front of my house, holding a package.

"Delivery for Sylvia Lane?" he asks.

"Yes," I reply, before taking the package away from him, a smile on my face. I open the package, and...There it is! A smaller box labeled "Fantasy Powder". I open the box, and in it, is a container containing an abundance of a white powder. I take a pinch of the powder, and drop it in some water, then mix it. I drink the water, and then- 

The shock hits me like a truck. My eyes start to spin, and I somehow manage to walk up to the bedroom, before collapsing on the bed, my body sprawled out. I start to giggle and scream, while the world around me turns into a colorful 1980's recording. The world changes tinge from yellow, to blue, to white, to pixelated, to HD. 

"Ahaha...Ehehe...! HAHAHAHA!" I start to laugh, my pitch increasing every second. I hear voices...the voices are comforting. The voices, they tell me what to do...The voices! 

As soon as it starts, it wears off. The world returns back to normal. The world stops spinning. Just then, I realize something. No matter how much drugs I take, I'll never be rid of this...The eternal sadness that comes after. Tears start to fall from my face, but then I realize a solution. Why not...Why not just...

I go to the dining table, and write a note. Then, I leave for the nearest bridge, where I await Jake. Eventually, he arrives. "You've come, Jake! Now we can do it together!" I exclaim, my voice high-pitched, and my face contorted into a manic smile. 

Jake seems like he doesn't approve. He steps back a little, but I won't have it. I rush to him, and uppercut his face. Hehehe...Was Jake always this cute in agony? I want MORE! I begin to bash his head into the pavement. Then, I drag his body to the edge of the bridge, in my arms. 

"Heh...Hah...Jake...We'll be rid of this world...this cursed world!" I kiss him on the lips, and without hesitation, jump off, Jake in my hands.


I wake up, in my bedroom. No...No! This can't be! Did I...fail? I start to scream and throw my pillows around. WHY?! WHY DOESN'T GOD LET ME DIE?! I rush out of the bedroom, to see Jake, looking equally confused. In a fit of rage, I punch Jake and tackle him to the floor, holding him by the collar. 


"Hey, hey! Chill! What did I do?" Jake asks.

"I'm sure of it! I killed you...I threw you off of the bridge!" I reply.

"Oh..." Jake says, before breathing in deeply. "You do remember..."

A flash of realization hits me. "We're in a time loop, aren't we? Huh?!" 

"Yes..." Jake replies. Well...This is awkward. I throw him down the staircase, his body landing on the stairs with an awful CRACK. I grab a knife from the kitchen, and go back to him. He can't move. Did I...break his spine? Hehe...Maybe this will work after all...

"Maybe this will work after all..." I say, before kissing him on the lips delicately, and stabbing the knife through both of our throats. I feel blood flowing out from my neck. It isn't painful. I still kiss Jake, admiring the taste of his blood, his sweet blood. Oh...God...He's beautiful...

I collapse onto Jake, my hand resting on his chest.

Is this a review?



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557 Reviews

Points: 33593
Reviews: 557

Thu Sep 28, 2023 1:11 pm
Ventomology wrote a review...

Hi there! Just stopping by for a quick revmo review. Let's get into it:

I poked around in your portfolio for chapter one, so I'm not coming into this blind. I think time loops can be a very fun plot device, and I like the setup around the one you have here. It's interesting to see two people who clearly need outside intervention being forced into a situation where they will have to repeatedly face their problems until they find a solution that sticks.

However, I think it would be far more interesting if it takes them a while to figure out the loop. One of the hallmarks of horror is suspense, and the slow build up to something being incredibly wrong. In this novel though, Jake and Sylvia figure it out really quickly. I know you don't like to write long works, but I truly think this story will he more effective if you get a few loops in before the characters start to remember the loops and figure out their situation. If they have more to forget (and thus, more to remember when they figure it out), it will make the impact of the loop, and hopefully the lessons learned, much greater.

Likewise, I think it might be worth it to draw out Sylvia's madness (if that's the right term?) instead of summarizing it in the previous chapter from Jake's point of view. I don't think anyone, regardless of whether or not they're neurotypical, starts out in the kind of depressed, manic state that we see Sylvia in, and delving into the process of how she gets there should give you more to work from in terms of the story's message and themes.

One thing that does stand out to me is the incredible difference in narrative voice between Jake and Sylvia's perspectives. That can be really difficult to achieve, so great job! Feel free to tag me if/when you update. I'd love to see how you refine this going forward.

Hope this helps,

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1092 Reviews

Points: 396
Reviews: 1092

Sat Sep 23, 2023 2:41 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...

I have a feeling that Sylvia’s second attempt at killing herself and Jake isn’t going to work. Something is keeping them trapped in a loop. Or maybe it’s someone…

I love the eerie yet romantic vibe this story has. It’s very intriguing to read!

I cannot wait to see what else is in store for Sylvia and Jake.

I hope that you will have a wonderful and amazing day and night.

have u ever noticed how ugly rosy-lipped batfish r? and not like in the “aw ur so ugly ur cute” way that like opossums r — no they’re just hideously ugly beasts that should never have existed and r the epitome of evolution fails. the stupidity, blank look, head emptiness. they’re horrible n everyone who likes them r horrible too. they truly have the worst fan-base >:[
— Shady