Published March 27, 2013
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,806 Literary Works • 673,689 Reviews
This really resonated with me, as I've written many poems about the amount of medications I'm on as well. It really is such a touchy subject as just thinking about it evokes emotion in me. But I really liked the poem and made me feel not so alone.
Despite the many colored capsules there is a sad note to this. I imagine the pills and what this person must go through, hope seeming so far away. This was very touching in a different sort of way than most other touching stories, and sadly it is true for a lot of people. Also how you brought back a line said in the beginning, really nice touch. Well done.
Hi jackolantern! Being on my own med cocktail, I can sort-of relate to this. You also have some good imagery, such as comparing them to grains of rice.
I think where this could use improvement is in the description of the disease itself. There's some hints at psychiatric symptoms in the beginning, but when you say this:
What is supposed to be improved on? Are your moods more stable? Is your sleep better? Do the delusions go away? How does having these symptoms affect you? Does it change how you interact with others? I think if you get more personal, it will make the piece stronger.
Some parts seem more like a clinical description of what's happening than a personal account, like
I'd try to put more emotion into this or maybe find some metaphors to spice it up.
If you're interested, I wrote something similar recently called "crazy little pills". It needs a lot of work, but it might interest you to see what other people do with this subject.
There is some great images in there, but I think it could dig deeper in a few places. Good job and keep writing!
Hey
I absolutely love this poem - the simplistic language makes it so much more real. One of my favorite lines is
"My favorites are the little white ones./They remind me of grains of rice."
I also really like how you start in medias res; it draws you straight into the poem.
I don't really have any criticism, I really related to this piece and really enjoyed your writing, I can't wait to read more!
Have I mentioned I love you lately? This poem's so emotional (probably because I know most of the story behind it) <3
THANK YOU! Yay!
That is really good. Is this based off of personal experiance?
Btw, i know nothing about poetry.
Thanks! I have an emotional disability which means loads and loads of drugs. Usually I have a better attitude, but lately I've been very fed up with serotonin and dopamine
thanks so much for your review though, it's really nice to hear such positive feedback!