Abbie was walking home late one night, she noticed that the streetlights were flickering and dimming as she passed beneath them. She tries to ignore it, but the feeling of being watched grows stronger with each step. Suddenly, she hears a faint whisper coming from the shadows.
“Come over here.”
it said, the words sending a chill down her spine. She hesitated, her heart pounding in her chest as she considered the potential danger lurking in the darkness. The flickering street lights cast eerie shadows on the ground, and she could feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. She took a step back, her hands trembling slightly as she debated whether to turn and run or confront whatever was waiting for her in the shadows. As her pondering continued, the voice filled with annoyance, shouted,
“I said get over here!”
Angrily out of the nearby bush, a tall lanky inky creature crawls out, and starts creeping towards her. Abbie's fight or flight response kicked in, and she turned to run. She sprinted down the street, her heart pounding in her chest as she heard the creature's footsteps echoing behind her. She dared not look back, knowing that even a moment's hesitation could spell disaster. The street seemed to stretch on endlessly before her, the flickering streetlights taunting her with their unreliable illumination. She pumped her arms and legs, pushing herself to run faster than she ever had before. But no matter how fast she ran, the creature was always right behind her, its inky form blending into the shadows as it pursued her with relentless determination. It’s bright white eyes, staring into her soul.
Abbie turned down the alley way, realizing her mistake she turned around. Abbie's back was pressed against the cold brick wall, her eyes locked on the creature as it slowly advanced towards her. She could feel its hot breath on her face, the stench of green ooze filling her nostrils. With nowhere left to run, Abbie closed her eyes and braced herself for the end. The creature lunged, its sharp teeth sinking deep into her flesh. Abbie let out a piercing scream that echoed through the alleyway, but it was too late. The creature's venom coursed through her veins, and she slumped to the ground, her lifeless eyes staring up at the flickering street lights above. The creature let out a satisfied hiss before slinking back into the shadows, leaving Abbie's body lying alone in the darkness.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hello, my name is Wren and this is my attempt of a review!
I don't know whether this was your intention or not, but I did find humor in the "'I said get over here!'" I imagined it in an annoyed tone and I don't know.
Anyways, usually, horror isn't exactly my style, but the way you captured the scene made me really enjoy this story. Especially the descriptions and such. Must admit, did make me a bit sad that Abbie died (Which is a good thing, by the way. It shows that you can write characters that the audience grows attached to in short amounts of time.) Also the depth of this world conveyed in such a short story is crazy. Definitely makes me wonder.
Anyways, 10/10, Amazing story!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: This is a very powerful little tale, the simplicity of the scene and those chilling descriptions doing a very good job of making us utterly terrified here. I think you've done wonderfully in that regard.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Oooh well this is quite the start here. I love the way that you build up the atmosphere here, nice and slow but immediately establishing quite how terrifying this situation is and getting our attention quite quickly here. I think that's very nicely done in that regard.
Oooh the plot is thickening quite fast for this one. We're definitely not seeing any corners being cut there as you establish quite how terrifying this presence happen to be and the sheer indignation in the way this person speaks has an extra bit of terror to it too. Usually evil things try to tempt you over with convincing words or trickery but instead just having them confidently demand you come over is a entirely different and very scary scenario.
Oh dear well this is just the perfect nightmare fuel that we have ourselves here. The description alone is rather powerful but adding on top of that the speed and the way that its moving, you've done a wonderful job getting across just how terrifying this and just how much danger poor Abbie is in at the moment.
Oh wow, well that was to be expected given how everything had been going upto that point but wow that really ends up hitting very hard there with that attack. Just the sheer helplessness of it where Abbie really has absolutely nothing that she can do but brace herself and the creature just finishing here off there without so much as batting an eye. A powerful end that.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall I think you've done a wonderful job here creating a very scary little tale. It definitely resonates quite powerfully and the build up and especially the ending were really well done.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate