Prologue
Fly. Ill see you soon.
My notw glided from my palm, hovering for a second or two before dropping into the stream. Taking my coat of I placed it atop the fallen crisp leaves. I sat and waited....
My mind drifted. Why Sean? He wasnt ready to leave us. Today was his day, his day that only happened once a year. Why? Why god did you take him nine days before his birthday.
Another letter floated by, followed by another. My pack soon met me at my sitting place. We sat in a circle taking hands.
"Your deep green eyes" Fawn said and squeezed Andrews hand.
"The way you made me laugh" He said with a chuckle and tapped Hope's hand.
"Your courage and want for our pack" She whispered shaking Noahs hand.
"The way you were my father" My son chocked on a tear. He kissed my cheek.
"Your love and loyalty" I spoke trying to keep myself together for Noah. My husband is'nt dead. But to us he has to be.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this has made for quite the start here. That little note right there at the very start is a lovely way to have us pretty much immediately be quite intrigued and I love the way that you have so far managed to build on that with the parts to follow here. I think you've done a pretty solid job as far as really tapping into the kind of emotions such a note can cause are concerned. The origin of that note being a little bit mysterious there is also a nice touch because we're left guessing at that too and that's always a good way to have us continue reading.
Oooh this is an interesting point to end on. It took me a second to realize we were actually seeing something of a funeral happening there. That paints our exciting note there in an entirely different light there and I think it combines really quite powerfully with the idea of this now being more of a final warning by a loved one that from these testimonies clearly meant a lot to quite a lot of people. All in all I think it ends closing off rather nicely there by giving us a much more final sounding piece towards the end that I think manages to draw a surprising amount of sympathy from us readers despite not knowing any of these characters.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi! This is interesting. I'm intruiged.
'Chocked' should be 'choked'.
The other mistakes have already been pointed out,so that's about it!
Keep writing, I'd like to see where you'll take this!
Hey-oo! Um, I think this is written good, and it is interesting, but you only have a cuople more nitpicks KJ didn't point out.
Forgot the ' in between n and t, so it should be "Wasn't""god" is supposed to be capitalized, so it is, "God."
And those are it. Need anymore help feel free to message me. Keep writing! Good job.
It's really short, so I can't judge the writing much, but your punctuation needs work. Also, try to get in mroe description here. I can't get a mental picture of the setting or the characters.