Young Writers Society

It was finally Monday, and every other grade's final day of school. I attended school 3 periods late but managed to make it in time for my 4th and 5th period classes. Me and Aleena decided to get a custom cake from Walmart for our favorite teacher, Mr.Olley. After the school day I had a therapy appointment. On my way to therapy, with my amazing luck, I drove past Jaxson. My heart dropped to my stomach. I brushed it off and continued on my way. My therapist had finally gotten me to open up about Ricky and the assault. She stared at me with a moment of hesitation then proceeded to ask, “Do you want to press charges?” I felt my stomach twist in knots, the blood from my head rush away. I never thought it could feel so real. I didn’t want to become the girl who was sexually assaulted, especially when it wasn’t that bad right? It was all basically in my head. He never actually did anything. I said yes. I gave consent at first. So it wasn’t sexual assault the first time.

I shook my head and after a few more questions we ended our session. I was okay with the way our session went, but most of all I was proud I didn’t cry when she asked those six words. I got to my car, turned the engine over and took a second to myself. Tears ran down my cheeks. It has never felt more real than it did in this moment. I was torn out of my moment by a knock on my car window. My therapist was signaling me to roll down the window. I thought, maybe I just forgot something. She asked me to come back inside for a moment since my mom was meeting here. I thought nothing of it, so I walked inside with her. She questioned me, concerned, “Have you had any thoughts of wanting to hurt yourself?” I laughed, “No I’m okay right now.” I looked at her like she was crazy or insane.

“Then why were you just crying in your car?” She saw past my sweet laughs and smiles. “It was just a lot, it’s never felt so real,” I gave in. My mother walked in with a concerned look on her face as well. They suggested I needed to talk to someone. I’ve never felt more low. Who would have told my mom? Who would have said anything? I’m not even depressed today, it’s been such a good day, why would anyone ruin this for me? I’m entirely fine. My therapist told my mother I’m not allowed to drive because I shouldn’t be alone with myself. She also instructed that someone would come to our house after being on the phone with suicide hotline. They were to give me an evaluation. Was I really that bad? I waited in my room with the door wide open, since I wasn’t allowed to be alone or in a room with a shut door. I even had to use the bathroom with the door wide open. The evaluator came, My mother now knew I drank, wasn’t okay, and I needed help. I haven’t really had thoughts of killing myself, so they never thought I needed to be sent away I guess. I had to stay home the next day. I found out Aleena and Cora had told my mother that they were very concerned for me. They expressed how they were scared every night I was going to kill myself. I understand that I was going through some things, but I’ve never felt betrayed by everyone I trusted like this before. Riley and Aaron were the only ones I didn’t feel betrayed by. I blame them. Nobody said a word last summer, while I quite literally had a plan in my mind or September first. Yet everyone decides to finally become concerned? I call bullshit. My mom probably thought I was a sex addict, alcoholic, compulsive liar, and a drug addict at this point. I saw my phone light up. It was a message from Aleena.

The message read, “I’m sorry, but we told her about james, we were scared Jullie. I didn’t know if I was going to wake up and my best friend was going to be dead,” My jaw dropped. I was in disbelief, almost too stunned to speak. I couldn’t understand how your best friend could tell your mom about the boy who sexually assaulted you, without your consent. The next couple of days I wallowed in my pity and tried to fix my way of thinking, but it was just really hard to understand how you could do that to someone you love. A few days went by and I was allowed out again. Me, Aaron, Aleena, and Cody went fishing at a small pond in town. We had a bunch of laughs and two of us even got our lines stuck in a tree branch and snapped them. Our time was over, and I had to return home once more.

A brand new morning, I decided to see one of my oldest friends, Marcus. We got into his pool, but only hung out for a few hours. Me, Riley, and Cora later went out to paradise this night and danced our hearts away in the dirty sand stadium. Getting free drinks with superb live music, what more could a teenage girl ask for? The next couple of weeks followed with many nights at paradise, seeing many friends, and waking up the next morning hungover and having to go to summer school early in the morning. Me and Aleena started hanging out more once again. We met Kaden last summer and decided to reach out again to maybe try to reconnect. We stayed a few nights just drinking, catching up, and messing with his younger brothers. It was always a third wheel situation. One night came by that we stayed at Kaden’s. Kaden decided to invite a friend over, Theo. It was only so I didn’t feel like a third wheel. We all took shots, while I took the most. I had texted Theo and asked if he wanted to go to his car. I was in pain trying to cope, and the only other coping mechanism I really knew other than smoking drinking or starving myself, was having meaningless hookups. I did exactly that. It was nothing amazing, nothing traumatizing. As I began to work more, I found myself home more often. I didn’t know how to be alone with myself. I only ever cried, I couldn’t handle being alone. I decided to reach out to Aaron. I asked him what exactly happened with us the other weekend. I waited hours for an answer, until I saw my phone light up with his name. His message said, “I don’t know,” All I could think was, oh. Did it mean nothing to you? Did I maybe wait too long to say something? I asked if we were going to talk about it at all, and the only answer I got back was ‘It’s been a long day.’ I can’t express how stupid I feel. I let a boy do it to me again. At Least I didn’t have sex with him this time. I let a boy make a fool of me again though. I didn’t want what happened to ruin our friendship. But it never seemed the same, maybe it was the awkward tension that needed to be waited out. Days went by and it never got better. One night while me and Aleena were hanging out, we were bored sitting in a gas station parking lot, pondering our next move. I decided to ask Aaron what he was doing. He was out at dinner with his friend. And so I did the stupidest thing I could have possibly done. I asked him if he would have wanted to link at some point later on in the night. He understood what I meant immediately. Although we felt distant without eachother, almost as if we would never speak again, we never felt as far apart in person. He rejected my invitation. I tried again the next night, I just wanted something there with him again. I wanted to feel what I felt again that night, and perhaps it could have happened if we had sex. Maybe I would have felt his passion again, I would have felt alive again.

My next couple of days were filled with hanging out with Aleena, Jonathan, and Kaden. We would sneak Jonathan out of his house. Jonathan had a very muscular build, he also had dark brown hair that was completed with a short beard. His green eyes were the part that stood out the most. Jonathan had been Jaxsons friend at the time I met him, while they have always been friends, he also became our friend. We became very close the summer before. Two females and two males left alone with a bottle of whiskey woke up with regret the next morning. Aleena and I had found hickeys on our necks, with a vivid memory of what had happened last night, and how we joked about how friends can kiss and be fine. Newsflash, they cannot. More work days followed, and so did nights out with boys. In the afternoon me and Aleena were together, as we always were. I called one of the boys who had wanted me in the past.Cameron answered as soon as I hit the call button. Cameron wasn’t necessarily tall, but he had a strong muscular build, a defined jawline and high cheekbones. He had intimidating cold blue eyes set with messy, ruffled caramel hair. We asked him to spend some time with us. I think he knew exactly what I meant. He opened the door very invitingly and greeted us. Cameron and I had a past with texting each other, at one point he wanted to even try dating me, but this was after I had found out Jaxson cheated on me. I was a wreck and out of nowhere Cameron sent a text, “How many people do you talk to?” I asked him why and in what way. He responded after with a one-word simple answer. “That’s all you have to say,” my thumbs typed onto the screen. “What you want me to say? Here how about this,” He replied back, “I’m a dumbass for talking to you again after saying that because I was right the first time. Sorry for however that made you feel but i’m not trying to hook up,” I felt bad because of what he said, but is it my fault for trying to cope. It’s not my fault my coping mechanisms are shitty. It’s not my fault I use sex as a coping mechanism after getting cheated on, it’s not my fault I wasn’t ready for another relationship. Now here we are, mid-summer and this boy is opening his front door, inviting me into his house. He invited me and Aleena to the living room.

“Do you guys want anything to eat, or drink?” He questioned, “There’s beer, we have some snacks,” He led me and Aleena to the pantry. It was filled to the brim with healthy snacks or food I couldn’t eat because of my peanut allergy. “I brought a white claw, and I can’t eat half of that anyways,” I sighed. “How come?” His body leaned against the counter, his eyes practically about to rip off my clothes alone. “I have a silly little nut allergy,” I paused, “And don’t say that stupid thing everyone does, oh you’re allergic to nuts,” My voice jokingly raised. Cameron laughed, he had a soulful nice laugh unlike any laugh I heard before. “We can watch some tv if you want?” We both nodded and he turned on Nick and Torty. Aleena sat on the opposing couch while me and Cameron sat together on the other couch. He put his arm around me and I leaned closer to him. We all sat there gazing at the TV, then Cameron asked, “Do you wanna go to my room?” His voice was a whisper. I texted Aleena asking for her to just take one for the team and let me go to the room with him. Cameron got up and I followed him to his room. I sat on his bed awaiting for his body to be on top of mine. His lips forced their way to mine. My heart is about to explode out of my chest. I was panicking, this was the first time I’ve had sex sober since.. Jaxson. Our tongues intertwined as he felt me up. His hand went to my pants. He unbuttoned them in a mere second. It was impressive. His fingers went digging their way into my underwear. He started to thrust his two fingers in and out of me. “You’re so wet,” a grin appeared across Cameron’s face. As he kept thrusting his fingers in my … I gripped onto the bottom edges of his shirt. I pulled it over his head as he lifted his arms up to help ease the shirt off. He then pulled his pants off revealing his entire body. He was sculpted so perfectly, well except he was a little short. I looked him up and down admiring what was about to be inside of me. I wrapped my hand around his whole width, st

I woke up late today. At noon. I called Aleena looking for something to do and got ready by putting on my favorite bikini. I drove to Aleena’s boyfriend's house and picked her up. We decided to go to the inlet and have a beach day. Since our boss let us go the other week we went to the restaurant and practically begged Dee, our manager for our jobs back. After going back and forth she finally agreed. Aleena got picked up yet again by her boyfriend.

I met Cora at our local gas station in Long Neck. We were planning to meet back up later, but I told her I had plans to see Cameron first. We giggled talking about the excitement of a possible relationship outcome. I met Cameron in a neighborhood with its own beach and restaurant. He pulled up in his lowered blue truck. I got out of my car to go into his. “Hey” I grinned. “What’s up,” He smiled back, “How have you been?”

“Well I got my job back today,” I said ecstatically. “Aye, that’s what’s up.” He nodded. He reached to the backseats to pull out a bong. “You wanna smoke?” He held it like it was a trophy. We drove to a separate chain of this neighborhood, “This is my smoke spot,” He leaned his head back and put the truck into park, “You wanna know why?”

“Yeah why, it’s not really any different than the place we were at,” I rolled my eyes. “It is though, It’s smaller, and look at the water, and then when the sun sets,” He paused, “It just looks, wow.” I could tell he felt at ease here. Sure I always somehow attracted stoners, but I had a good feeling about this one. He took his rips from the bong then blew the smoke through the crack in the window. “You ready?” He asked. “I’m nervy, I haven’t done this in like a year,” I nervously giggled. “No way she said, I’m nervy,” He mocked me. “Stop!” I laughed. “You want me to milk it for you?” He sincerely questioned whether I was inadequate to do the job. I nodded. We both took our turns smoking. He decided to go back to where we originally met up. As we sat there talking he reached to the back again. This time he pulled out a large bottle. We sipped it and washed it back with 7-UPs. As it entered my bloodstream and I started to feel it I had a bold idea, “Let’s go on the beach, it’s the sunset,” I flung open the car door. He sat for a moment staring at me blankly. “Come on,” I ran to the sand and stopped once I saw the sun glistening over the water and its rays fully submerged in its tide. The water seemed to always have a way of calming my unhinged soul. My soul felt at ease with the breeze running away from the water like it had a race to finish. The wind blew towards me and lifted my shirt to reveal just bikini bottoms. Cameron walked over and sat at a picnic table placed in the sand and I joined him. We talked about our pasts and where we came from and how we’ve grown and the little things like what our mornings consisted of. He rubbed my back and held tight while I made my jokes, dodging how much those traumatic jokes bothered me. After the sunset we went back to the truck. He embraced my face while pulling me towards him. Our lips met and this time it was different from before. I felt something between us. I pulled myself away from his lips, “I.. I can’t,” I looked away, “I’m on my period,” I grumbled. He lifted my chin towards my face, “That’s okay I only wanted to kiss Julie,” His smile was warm and scintillating. It was that moment I knew. I knew I could perhaps have faith in this boy. I pulled my phone off of his car floor and looked at the time. My happy expression dropped.

“I think I gotta go, they want me to get to Riley’s,” I paused. “I told them I already was leaving,” I giggled. He kissed me goodbye and I departed.