12+ Violence

Pod 5- Evie Johnston

PreviousNext

The first pod had been found two years ago, by a young child. It was found at the edge of a farm in Wyoming, buried under a tree. That pod was number eight. A few months later, number seven was discovered by a man in Southern California, and after that; number six in Maine. But when that first mysterious capsule was found in Sundance, Wyoming, our world was never to be the same.

“My name is Evie Johnston. I’ve found pod number five.” I stare at the blinking red light in front of me, showing that the camera was recording. I hold up the cool metal capsule in my hands, showing the camera with shaking hands. My throat blocks up, and I struggle to say the next sentence. “My name is Evie Cameron Johnston, I am seventeen years old, and I have the ability to fly.”

I nodded, an uneasy shudder, then reached forward and turned off the camera on its three-legged tripod. I still stared at the lens, where I could dimly see my own reflection, fractured and strange.

The pod in my hands weighed heavily. It was a metallic object roughly the size of a shoebox and shaped like a large bullet. It appears to be a container, because it rattles if you shake it. But there is no obvious way to open it. On the side, a number five is engraved upon it. And on my palm, a five is engraved, cut into my skin with fire.

When I found this anathema, this cursed capsule, it was exactly one week ago. The day was cool and drizzly- my kind of perfect day. The air was misty and wavered through the trees on vaporous wings. I was walking through the park in my neighborhood- the perfect park, set on a large plot of land and interspersed with trees and handcrafted benches, not to mention the giant playground that usually echoed with the shouts of excited children. But not that day. That day the fog had pushed everyone back inside their houses where it was bright and happy and warm. It seemed I was the only one in the world outside, as all the houses stood still and stoic around me.

Pulling on my leash, barking at me to hurry up, was my family’s dog Linda. I let go of her leash and she bounded ahead, barking with excitement. I jogged a bit to catch up, feeling the chilliness of the fall air biting my legs and clawing at my uncovered ears. I lifted up the hood of my coat and smiled a bit as my breath left a trail in the air. Winter was coming. Linda was digging a hole next to a tree.

“What’re you doing, Lin?” I asked her in a high-pitched voice. Linda glanced at me with dirt smudged on her nose. She continued digging a small hole, using her nose and paws to excavate the soft soil. Too late, I noticed she was making a mess in the middle of a garden, as a bulb and some grass flew up from the hole. Linda wagged her tail, and looked very cute, and I didn’t actually care that much so I let her carry on as I stood up and stretched my arms. Somewhere else, a dog barked and a man’s voice yelled at it. The park was still very peaceful and quiet, though. That was soon to change.

Linda gave a whine and I knelt down. “What is it, Lin?” I looked into the surprisingly deep hole she’d made. I could see a gleam of metal at the bottom. “Woah- what’d you find?”

I talked to Lin a lot. Dogs are very good to talk to when there’s no one around. I dug a little bit with my hands, not minding the dirt that became lodged underneath my fingernails. The soil was incredibly easy to scoop out, and soon I had uncovered the entire box. I lifted it out, brushing dirt off of it. Linda backed away from the box, growling menacingly at it. She apparently didn’t like the smell or look of it, and I wasn’t sure I did either. I looked the box over in my hands, apprehensive. A faint rattling sound emitted from it when I gave it a gentle shake. And then I found it, on one side. A number five engraved into it.

My hand brushed over the number on the box, and suddenly, a searing pain shot through my arm. I screamed and tried to let go of the container, but my hand stuck to it as if it was magnetized. I could tell the number was heating up. It was glowing a flaming red on my hand. It was tearing off my skin. Lin was barking and growling, backing away from me. I felt tears come to my eyes. The pain, the burning in my hand seemed to reach a climax. It felt as if someone was cutting into my palm with a burning knife. The mist seemed to no be longer cooling the air around me, but burning it and filling it with fire. Suddenly, my grip was able to loosen. The capsule fell out of my hand to the ground, and so did I. The final things I was aware of before I fell unconscious was the beating of my heart, the searing in my clenched palm, and Linda licking my face with a slobbery tongue, clearing away my fiery tears.

The next thing I knew was darkness. 

(a/n- This is a first little peek at an idea for a new story I have. Please feel free to criticize! I'm new to this website, and hopefully, after I get some reviews on this, I'll try reviewing someone's work myself. Thank you!)

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
Brigadier
Review

Hey there izziwrites. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

1. I was digging around in the green room this morning and came across your chapter. I was very surprised to learn you have only had one reviewer in 2 months. I am so sorry no one came across it sooner because it is truly an interesting story. This chapter did seem extremely short to me, but I think I was just expecting something longer and drawn out. I was also

2. There is a lot of plot discussion to work with here so I am extremely happy today. The plot in your story is very interesting and very suspenseful. You start at one date and then have a sort of flashback moment. This is the sentence where I was hooked because I admire that sort of writing. One of my unfinished novels was just based on flashbacks, that was it. I am guessing since your flashback was a week ago, everything will be moving in real time.

I just have a couple of quick questions and then I'll move onto the rest of the plot analysis.
i. So what time is this happening? I mean what year? Is it in the past, future, present? It is probably not too far in the past or future because of the technology she is using? A year to go along with the events might help because then you could align them with something that really happened. That would make the story historical fiction/sci-fi. I don't see those very often though.

3. I think that this sort of fits under plot, but I'm not sure. It's just really a comment not enough to deserve it's own category. The one part I liked the most about your story was the intro/hook.

The first pod had been found two years ago, by a young child. It was found at the edge of a farm in Wyoming, buried under a tree. That pod was number eight. A few months later, number seven was discovered by a man in Southern California, and after that; number six in Maine. But when that first mysterious capsule was found in Sundance, Wyoming, our world was never to be the same.

It perfectly summed up the topic and gave me a lead on what my suspicions should be. That was a very good idea to start the story like that.

4. Well, that's about all I have for today. Sorry for such a short review. I hope to be reading your next chapter soon.
-lizzy

User avatar
mmbmio
Review
mmbmio wrote a review · Tue Jan 12, 2016 12:31 am

This all seems very mysterious and thrilling. I want to know more about the capsules and where they come from. Please keep writing!

The only critique I have is that you have a few sentences that didn't flow so well.
Eg, " A few months later, number seven was discovered by a man in Southern California, and after that; number six in Maine- but when that first mysterious capsule was found in Sundance, Wyoming, our world was never to be the same."- If I were you, I'd maybe put another period somewhere in there.

Besides that gritty detail, the story got me hooked! Please pm or tell me if you continue/post another part.

Sincerely,
M

Thanks, Marlow! My first review! I had noticed that sentence, too, and I'll make sure to change it later. Glad you like it:)



Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place.
— Captain Raymond Holt