I am alone.
No one can see me. I am trapped in this triangular chamber - my home - for the next 9 months. I divide. Now I’m two. Four. Eight. Sixteen. Zygote. Embryo. Now, I am sitting here, crouched in a little ball, surrounded with blood and veins. I feed off the nutrients that my owner consumes. I stay within her, adding 3 kilos of burden to her young, delicate body. I feel claustrophobic. The smell disgusts me. I want to get out. I move around, I kick. I do everything possible to make her realize that I want to get out. Her water finally breaks out. I can feel someone pulling on my head. Stronger and stronger. I can feel her pushing me out. Harder and Harder. One push. Two pushes. Three pushes. I’m out. And I’m alone.
The light blinds me. There are people surrounding me, smiling down at me, while I cry. I let the tears flow out of dissatisfaction, out of the mere frustration that I wasn’t comfortable in the small triangular chamber, and nor am I happy in this large rectangular I.C.U. I lied there, crying while everybody hugged each other with happiness shining through their evil eyes. I soon realize that these are the very people that I have to spend the rest of my stay here. And I soon realize that they don’t mean to be evil at all. It’s the nature of humanity that make them selfish, make them think of everything from a self-centered perspective. My childhood walks away, while I play with plastic toys and get entertained by those same people. Pampered by those same people. They always make sure I get all the happiness that they think I deserve. They claim that they know me and understand me. But, I doubt if I ever will know myself all that well. Thus, amongst all these heads around me, I am alone.
School. University. Job. Marriage. People. People everywhere. People at every phase of life. Conversation after conversation, we believe to be getting closer. But never close enough. Responsibilities grow. I become burdened. But I continue thinking of it as a rule of life and continue living, continue smiling. And continue running around. From home to office and from office to back home. I try to find happiness in this endless routine. But what did I finally get? More respect? More love? More money? Perhaps. So now I am here, apparently more respected, more loved and wealthier. But I am still not happy, not satisfied. I want more. And in this endless quest influenced by insatiable desires, I am alone.
Now I am here. Lying in this coffin, 10 feet under ground. All the respect, love and wealth that I chased all my life walked away from the gates of the grave. While I stay here, crouched in a little ball again. All the material things that I defined my life around, stay left behind. While my body shrinks and decays to mere 3 kilos all over again. All the people that I labelled as being “mine” are moving on with life. While I stay trapped in this 8 x 6 coffin. Trapped again. I want to get out but this time, I can’t. And something else also left me - the soul. The very soul that gave life to this body. In this constant chase after transitory, material, ephemeral things, I never once considered closing my eyes and looking right inside of me. If I did, I would have found Him. The one who is permanently satisfied, and permanently happy. The one that does not depend its happiness on momentary pleasures. The one who was with me all these years. Now He’s gone too, to a different body. And now, my eyes are permanently closed, but I can’t find Him anymore. Now, I am alone. Truly alone.
Alone.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Sorry people, I have been rather tied up lately.
Thank you for your review, lilymoore. I will try to make the subtle changes you pointed out.
Blackbird12, I have to admit you have a very good eye for details. Thank you for reviewing.
seeminglymeaningless, lol thank you for reading my stories. I am glad that you find my style interesting. Readers like you are what motivates "realistic" or "eye-opening" writers like me. I am not trying to say that living life is futile, but just to give a sort of wake-up call to people, saying that when we run blindly behind these material things, we should keep in mind that there is a happy, satisfied state within us. That is the state of the soul, which is indifferent to what we possess and what we don't possess, it is content at any state of life and at every phase of life. I know, it is very spiritual, but it is indeed a very thought-provoking message for us all.
I shall read the story and also write an apocolyptic one, if circumstances provide. Thank you for the suggestions.
Take Care
lol hey again.
I'm glad that though this started off fairly scientific, you deviated from that path to telling the story. While you're perfectly right about what drives us in this world, I don't see what sort of point you're trying to make.
I wish all submissions has a mandatory poll at the top.
So, I get the feeling that you're a bit "dissastisfied" and "disgusted" by life, huh?
Are you trying to say that living is worthless? That our lives mean nothing? That kind of attitude isn't very productive. If you really believe in that theory, then you wouldn't bother sharing it with other writers; we're just people who either agree or disagree with you and then disappear, our comments die or become irrelevant when you die. If you get what I mean.
You must have a bleak perspective on life to write with no hope. You know what I would like to read from you? An apocolypse story. Infected, zombies, war, natural disaster, whatever. I believe your vantage point would be unique. I imagine you'd write something awful. Instead of filling the reader with joy when the people triumph against the plague/disaster/war, you'd eek out their existance only to kill them off at the end.
And I have to admit, sometimes your type of writing is what we need to read to wake up. Unfortunately, I'm not going to turn around my life because "it's all worthless at the end". I don't live for the end. I live for now. I live for my family and my friends and yes, for the love.
Your writing style reminds me of a horror short story, I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream. As you can imagine, it's pretty twisted and weird. I recommend reading it. The ending should satisfy you
Thanks for the thoughtful read
- JaI
Normally, the phrase is "surrounded by."
"Out" is unnecessary here.
It's jarring that the narrator offers only a vague description of the womb but knows the exact name of the I.C.U. Just a little inconsistent.
The use of "lied" here is correct, I suppose, but it's awkward and makes me think that the narrator told a lie, or something. I think "lay" would work just fine.
The bolded part is awkwardly worded. I think "...while I play with plastic stoys and those same people entertain me" would work fine. But that's only a suggestion, it's your decision.
"We believe we are getting closer" sounds better.
Overall I enjoyed this piece. It's very interesting, quite unusual, really held my interest. Your creative voice shows potential as a writer. I think you could expand this piece further and make it even more profound. Nice work.
Hi there, iwrite!
I don’t know why, but ‘get’ just sounds dirty here. I’m sure you can find some new verb.
Here too, ‘back’ sounds out of place and, just, wrong to me.
You also need to remember that normally, numbers are written as words, not as digits. You have a lot of numbers, especially near the end there.
This is actually really quaint to read. I mean, it wasn’t bogged down with purple prose or anything too serious. Really, it was just about finding happiness.
Good on ya!