Published July 22, 2025
Chapter 1 - The Resignation
“Hurry up! We’ll be late!” Ember calls from my living room, where she’s waiting for me. She’s my oldest friend; with shoulder length auburn waves and dancing brown eyes, she’s also one of my most interesting friends too.
“Hold on! I’m just putting my hair back! Goodness!” I shout back to her right as I snap the brass barrette clip into my dark brown hair. We’re supposed to be on our way to a village meeting right now, in fact, my grandparents have already left.
My grandfather is an Elder so he gets there early. I suspect this one's agenda will mostly be Elder Finn's resignation as Leader, which hasn’t been explicitly announced yet, but I hear that sort of thing. My grandfather was talking about it in the library with my grandmother a while back. I shouldn’t have heard but I forgot my book in the parlor, and I just had to go get it. I was getting to the climax. Even though his resignation shouldn’t matter to me much, I’m just a Scholar, I’ve gotten dressed up out of respect for our Leader. I’m wearing a dark green romper with a cinched top and flared sleeves. I quickly add a bit of my brightest red lipstick; a little goes a long way, trust me.
I dash out of my room; my archery practices have taught me to step lightly, so my steps are very quiet as I make my way to Ember.
“Let’s go.” I say in a serious voice to surprise Ember, I don’t think she heard me approaching as she’s directed her attention to the large painting of rolling grassy hills, similar to the ones surrounding our village, in the foyer of our house. Embers wearing a gold cropped sweater and tight, dark, denim jeans.
“This is a fascinating painting. I’ve seen it many times before, but as an amateur artist I find it so interesting.” She startles at my voice but pretends not to notice as she speaks in an equally serious voice. We stare at each other a moment then burst into laughter.
“Come on! I talked to Florence, and she said she’d meet us by the rock in front of the Village Hall!” I say after swallowing my laughter, linking her arm through mine.
It’s late. During winter the nights get cold, so I grab my grayish navy-blue cloak that’s hung on the coat rack by the door and shut the lights off, as I promised my grandmother I would.
As we walk along the path towards the village, we talk of the village doings and goings ons. Ember's growing annoyance for Alexei's teasing, and my defense of it, telling her, “she of all people should understand the pleasure of teasing someone.” Alexei is equally a friend and enemy of mine, but in years past we were good friends; he’s really quite nice if you’re on his good side. I make sure to be on everyone's good side. He’s still annoying though, and I always have to make sure to not get too fond of him, even though I’ve gotten over my distinct hatred.
Then we move on to discussing the absence of the village bell as it’s being repaired in a large village to the south. The clear sound of the bells ringing at noon is missed by many. Apparently, it’ll be back in a months' time, possibly more.
Soon after discussing the bell, I tell her my friend Elena, and her brother Luka, are coming to visit. Elena’s very sweet. A little crazy, but sweet, nonetheless. Her brother on the other hand, he’s evil, towards me anyways. He hates me. I can’t help but hate him back, he’s so rude... or at least I think I do. I’m super excited to see them though, my friends from the village are so... I don’t know, calm. Elena and Luka are much more energetic, when I’m with them we run and jump and just be crazy. Of course, when I tell Ember about Elena's visiting, I don’t tell her that part; I don’t want to make her feel bad.
By now we’ve got to the large gates of the village. They’re really quite impressive, with two big lanterns like two wise owls, perched on top of the iron posts protruding into the night. Whenever I walk through these gates, I feel a sense of pride and authority. Not that I want that sort of power; my grandfather's taught me plenty about people who get corrupted by power or abuse it in some way.
When Ember and I get to the rock in front of the village hall, Florence is there talking to a young child, probably from one of her classes. When she sees us, she smiles at the child, says something to him, then ushers him to his parents who are busy talking to some other people nearby.
“Hey, Ivy! Cute sweater, Ember!” Florence says as she makes her way to us. She’s wearing a long, light blue dress, a coral cardigan, and has her beautiful blonde hair braided around her head like a crown.
As Ember thanks Florence, I look around. The village at night is beautiful. I don’t see it dark often because I don’t live inside it. I walk towards the entrance, where people are flowing in like the Lenine River, just east of our village. I beckon to Ember and Florence who are still by the rock, talking. They head my way, but slowly, I decide to go find seats.
The village hall is very organized. At the front there’s a raised place for the speaker to stand and chairs for the nine Elders, including the Leader, right in the middle. Behind them are the chairs for the four, young Elders in training. Then in front of all the Elder’s seats, there are long benches, quite a few of them are still open so I go sit down somewhere where there’s space for Florence, Ember and me.
I see my grandfather deep in conversation with another one of the Elders. I was going to go say hi, but I won’t disturb him. I wave to Caitlyn, who’s one of the Elders in training. I used to go to school with her. She’s always been popular and sweet, so I guess that’s why they chose her as one of the Elders in training.
Soon Ember and Florence come sit down, Florence next to me then Ember right next to the aisle. I’m suspicious of why Ember wanted the aisle; she’s smiling to herself in a way I don’t like, but I don’t ask.
“Ivy! I haven’t seen you at all tonight, how’re you?” Florence says, while briefly hugging me.
“I’m fine. I can never understand why they have village meetings so late.” I laugh. “I’m going to be so tired by the end of this. Staying up late with a book is one thing, but sitting through a meeting is entirely different!”
“Maybe our Elder Finn will make them earlier if you ask; everyone loves you, so he’s bound to at least think about it.” She says, but I don’t hear what else she says; Ember has a mischievous look passing over her face. I look towards the aisle and see Alexei coming towards us, presumably just to sit down somewhere near us, and then I look more closely at Ember. She’s sticking her foot out to trip Alexei!
“Alexei! Look down!” I call in hopes of saving his self-respect and dignity, because, it would not be good to fall flat on your face at a village meeting.
Just in time, Alexei sees Ember's foot and hops over it.
“Thanks!” He calls back cheerily, then heads over to take his seat as I glare at Ember.
“What?! You’re no fun!” She groans back to me.
“No, she’s just trying to keep you out of trouble!” Florence defends me, “Ivy’s plenty of fun!”
“Thanks.” I smile at Florence, then despite Ember's attempt to continue the argument, the Leader comes in and the village's voices stop and so, she in turn must stop too.
“Thank you for joining us tonight!” Elder Finn says brightly, “We have a couple big things to discuss tonight... first on the agenda: the stables need new volunteers, if you’d like to take care of the horses a couple days a week then please talk to Elder Jean.” He gestures to the Elder I saw talking to my grandfather.
“Next, the newspaper has reached its 700th edition, so this week all newspapers are free. Pick one up at the library! The village bells repairs have been moved back... how long was it again?” he asks Elder Bèrt, who is head of all messages in or out of the village and is frequently gone to speak with other villages. He is also head of post.
“2 weeks.” Elder Bèrt replies.
“Ah, yes. So, we must wait 2 extra weeks added on to the original one month till our bell sounds at noon once again. Such a shame, I love the sound of the bell. The repairs must be moved back because the village we’ve had it sent to are quite busy.” He explains.
A sigh washes over the crowd; everybody misses the bell.
“I know you don’t like that. But, when our bell comes back, its lovely sound will be brighter and clearer. A more joyous ring you all will enjoy.” He paused, “I’m afraid that isn’t the only upsetting news I have tonight.” Elder Finn continues as a murmur falls over the crowd, as everyone whispers to their neighbor about what they think the upsetting news might be.
“I’m stepping down as Leader. I will continue to advise and help our village, but I’m afraid my age is catching up to me.” Many gasps and protests rise up, but Elder Finn quiets the crowd with a raise of his hand.
“I would like to see a strong, young leader take my place; us Elders have already been discussing our options and will soon come to a decision. We will announce the new Leader at the next village meeting.” Elder Finn looks to me when he says the words, “strong, young leader,” and I get worried. I don’t want to be Leader at all; there are much better candidates, in my opinion. Elder Finn then moves onto various other insignificant topics, or insignificant compared to his resignation. I already knew it would happen, but his words still come as a blow. A few other Elders stand up and say a couple words, but the meeting has come to an end.
“...and now if you’d like to ask me, or any of my fellow Elders, for advice, now is the time. Please don’t crowd. Thank you for joining us. Have a good night!” He unnecessarily added the crowding part, for, people in our village are very respectful. The crowd starts to shuffle out of the benches and up to the Elders or to friends around the hall, and my friends and I shortly get up to do the same.
“So,” Florence begins in a voice that doesn’t sound like her own, “he’s stepping down.”
I glance over at Elder Finn, who’s surrounded by a semi-circle of people, a sad smile on his old face. “Yeah,” It comes out more like a sigh than a word, “I- I knew that. I heard grandfather talking about it a while ago.”
“If you’re feeling bad about not telling us, don’t be.” Florence's voice returns to normal, but the smile on her face is just as sad as our Leader’s. She’s such a saint, always comforting others.
My friends and I talk a little longer, but it’s late and we’re tired, so we soon bid each other good night and find our families.
I make my way towards grandfather, who's chatting with a younger man who I assume works at the library; my grandfather is Head Librarian.
“Hello, Ivy.” My grandfather says after he finishes his conversation with the young man. His old eyes wrinkle as he smiles, “Shall we head home? I think I see your grandmother over there talking to the lady who sells textiles.” He says, pointing towards my grandmother.
“Yes. Grandfather, who were you just talking to?” I take his hand as we start to walk towards my grandmother. I’m very fond of my grandfather, he’s taught me quite a bit more than any of my teachers.
“That young man was interested in buying some books. I told him that no, he can’t buy my books. They are for everybody to read and he was free to check out books from our library any time.” He winks at me.
“Allen!” My grandmother turns towards grandfather, “I was just talking to Brianne here, she says she’d be able to give me some extra silk she has! Isn’t that wonderful! Ivy, perhaps I can make you a new dress.”
“Yes, perhaps. Grandmother, don’t you think it’s a little cold for a silk dress? I do love silk though, it’s so nice and light.”
“I agree with Ivy, it may be a bit cold for silk, that’s why I have extras!” Brianne's voice sounds like laughter, bubbly and sweet. I wonder if she’s a new mother.
“Well, I’ll save it. If I come by your shop sometime this week would that be fine?” My grandmother smiles.
“Yes, I should be going now, my little one shouldn’t be left home for too long.” She smiles at us. I knew she had the personality of a mother.
My grandparents and I soon return to our sweet little home, and after a long day, it looks like paradise. I say goodnight to my grandparents and head to my room. I quickly change into a pair of dark blue, silk pajamas and slip into bed. I decide not to read tonight. I’m too distracted, my head a whirl of Elder Finn's resignation, Ember's rebellious tricks and upcoming archery practice tomorrow.
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Thanks for reading all the way to the end... even if it's only chapter 1. Please give me advice! I'll post chapter 2 soon, I hope to get up to 20+ chapters. I already have them planned... I just need to write them!
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Hey!!! I love your story! I find it very interesting and exciting.
I think for the first chapter, you did a great job with character introduction and world setting. The story seemed to take place in a village with Elders, which are leads, and other people, including the main character Ivy as a Scholar. It seems to me now that this is more like a realistic setting, that a village somewhere runs like this, yet I also feel as if there's something more under the water - does the village carry mysteries with it?
I also feel amazed at how you described so many things in detail. Firstly, I love how you talked about the dressings of different characters! As I read through, I couldn't help imagining everyone in my head, and I love their dressing style. As I'm also working on my own fiction now, I find it hard to start the first chapter and describe so many daily, vivid things, especially if the setting is not somewhere that I'm familiar with. But you did it so nicely!
I look forward to see how the story develops. It seems now that the Elders want Ivy to be the new Elder, while she doesn't want to. I expect the conflict to grow stronger in the next chapter, and I also want to know more about the village. I think you did a great job! It's so nice meeting you as a young writer!
Thank you for this feedback! You are so specifically complementary, but not too complementary. Everyone I know just reads my work and is like, "Hmm, very nice!" but I'm always wanting specific feedback. Thanks again!!
Hiya, and welcome to YWS!
Looks like you have some interesting characters and a currently peaceful world set up here. I'll just jump right into some specific comments!
While I appreciate the description of Ember, I was a bit confused about how it was right next to the phrase about her being one of the narrator's most interesting friends. The proximity makes it seem like it's because of her appearance that she's interesting (which is totally possible if, for example, hardly anyone has brown eyes in this area. But without context, I don't know why Ember's special). This is a super small detail, but I think it would be nice if you clarified why Ember's interesting!
Great job slipping in an important detail about the narrator in a natural place!
Sentences like this one can seem run-on. I think it'd be good to break them down into multiple sentences, with each sentence only containing related ideas. For example, here, you could end the first sentence after "to surprise Ember" since the rest of it is about the painting, not about the narrator speaking.
If this information is going to be relevant soon, great! If not, it might be better to either omit it or mention it somewhere else. A lot of this first portion has been background information, which is useful, but not the most interesting to the average reader. You can choose strategic places to add details without slowing down the pace! For example, if the narrator interacts with Elena and Luka later, you could show the reader more about these characters through their actions there instead of explaining it here.
Very random, but I appreciate the proper use of the semicolon ;D
Aw, Florence seems like a nice friend.
Hmm... a lot of time has been spent on this bell. I wonder if that means it's significant to the story? Does it have some special ability, or is it just like a beloved mascot of the town?
Seems like life is stable and generally happy for the narrator. While I'm happy for the narrator's contentment, it's conflict and dealing with it that make for a good story. Some of the best novels I've read have started with an inciting incident where a mystery is introduced, or things go severely wrong, or something otherwise unexpected happens. This hooks the reader and keeps them wanting more!
In this case, the majority of things seem to go as expected. Elder Finn resigns, just as the narrator has heard. The only slightly unexpected thing is how he looks at her. I wonder if this could be capitalized on... for example, if he tells Ivy that she will take his place, that could be an inciting incident. She'd then question why and would have to decide her next course of action. Of course, the inciting incident could be something else! Just some thoughts ^^
Overall, I enjoyed seeing your characters and cozy worldbuilding. Keep writing, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night! =D
Thank you so much for this amazing feedback! It really increased my writing confidence!
of course! glad it was helpful!