I wonder

Hi there, ity! I'm Drama, and I haven't reviewed in FOREVER, so pardon me if I'm just a little rusty.


Okay.

We'll start with what jumped out at me INSTANTLY when I read this poem. It's all bunched up together. And doesn't feel like it has flow, even if it does because of that. So let's fix the lines first. One of the ways you can learn how to separate lines is by reading your poem outloud. Where are the natural breaks for you? You'll learn how to separate them into the lines without reading the poem outloud eventually, but until then--read your poem out loud.

Lights,
how did it feel?
The crush, maybe the rush?
Did you reach for the lights,
did you extend your arms out past
what was possible ?
Did you feel it, see it?
Your life in a flash...
An instance of clarity
that you could never, would never have had otherwise.
Did you love harder in that moment of blinding pain and anguish,
did you cry out for something, anything-- a god, (you need to think of something else to add to this. A god...and what?
Did you feel it the ending of a life?
Your own kind of roller coaster ride?
A hell of a way to go,
to say goodbye with a last laugh, a last sigh,
And I know,
and I wish,
and I pray that you got a chance to breathe again
because forever is an awful long time to wait.

Hi there!

Here to review! I was rather puzzled by your work—

Firstly, the spelling and grammar:

Bravo! Very good. I could find nothing wrong.

Poeticism:

Hmmm. There was really almost nothing to show that this was a poem except for a lack of punctuation. No visual display, no poetic devices. I advise using some more visuals, perhaps, or some alliteration or assonance if you want to stick to this austere style.

Lineation:

The single paragraph and lack of meter makes this post very daunting to read. I like the originality, but still suggest breaking it up into shorter lines.

Clarity:

This poem lacks clarity. I did not know to what moment you were referring, what this entire poem was about. Maybe change the title to a key that unlocks the door to the poem, or tells us what it is about.

General:

Whatever it is about, I enjoyed the atmosphere and the overall feel of the poem. Don't be discouraged! Just revamp this a little and it will be fine!

Keep writing!

barefoot