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This is a great poem and includes a great topic. I love the opening, because it greatly touches on the idea that no one is perfect, and we have to accept that part of ourselves. I think you did a really good job writing about this topic, and I really enjoyed reading it. Nice job! I have a few things I'd like to point out, if you don't mind. These are just suggestions, so you don't have to listen to them!
I agree with the others that stanzas would make this less intimidating and an easier read. I won't go more into detail since it's already been mentioned.
Did you mean to categorize this into the art section? I'm asking because I remember the first poem I published, I accidentally categorized it into the art section. I just wanted to bring that up in case that was an accident.
The next thing I'd like to mention is your rhyme scheme. Your first two lines make me think that your rhyme scheme is going to be aa, bb, cc, etc. but then you change it for the rest of the poem. I recommend remaining consistent with your rhyme scheme throughout your poem.
The next thing I'd like to mention is a small detail, but you put spaces between your commas. You don't need to do this; you did it perfectly in the first four lines, so I'd go back and delete the spaces between the word and the comma. For example, this line
I too deserve respect ,
should be like this
I too deserve respect,
And the same thing with this period. This line
But lonely I am .
should be like this
But lonely I am.
The other thing I'd like to mention is there are places where I feel a comma is unnecessary. Punctuation is a stylistic choice in poetry, but you put commas in places that I don't think the reader needs to pause. This can sometimes disrupt the flow. For example, I think this line could do without a comma
But I’m at least better than,
Many people out there.
I feel it makes the reader unnecessarily pause after "than"
And here
To have my back.
And pamper me and love me,
Whenever I’m sad.
I feel the period at the end of the first line is unnecessary since the second line is a continuation of the first one. Also, I think the second line could be rewritten as "And pamper and love me" to avoid repetition, but that's just my preference.
Overall, this is a really nice poem. I love the topic you chose, and I hope this helped!
Points: 26590
Reviews: 299
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