I’m not the best,
That fact I accept.
But I’m at least better than,
Many people out there.
I too deserve respect ,
And love and care.
But what I get,
Are just their stares.
I too want people ,
To have my back.
And pamper me and love me,
Whenever I’m sad.
I too want friends ,
Who gives surprises.
But those I get,
Leave me at crisis.
I don’t want people ,
Who try to change me.
Nor do I want them,
To change just for me.
I’m not alone ,
But lonely I am .
I wish there could be someone ,
Who can accept me as I am.
I just want people ,
To accept me as I am .
I just want people ,
To accept me as I am.
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140,268 Literary Works • 673,077 Reviews
Hey there, welcome to YWS! I hope you are enjoying it here
If you ever have any questions, feel free to ask!
This is a great poem and includes a great topic. I love the opening, because it greatly touches on the idea that no one is perfect, and we have to accept that part of ourselves. I think you did a really good job writing about this topic, and I really enjoyed reading it. Nice job! I have a few things I'd like to point out, if you don't mind. These are just suggestions, so you don't have to listen to them!
I agree with the others that stanzas would make this less intimidating and an easier read. I won't go more into detail since it's already been mentioned.
Did you mean to categorize this into the art section? I'm asking because I remember the first poem I published, I accidentally categorized it into the art section. I just wanted to bring that up in case that was an accident.
The next thing I'd like to mention is your rhyme scheme. Your first two lines make me think that your rhyme scheme is going to be aa, bb, cc, etc. but then you change it for the rest of the poem. I recommend remaining consistent with your rhyme scheme throughout your poem.
The next thing I'd like to mention is a small detail, but you put spaces between your commas. You don't need to do this; you did it perfectly in the first four lines, so I'd go back and delete the spaces between the word and the comma. For example, this line
should be like this
And the same thing with this period. This line
should be like this
The other thing I'd like to mention is there are places where I feel a comma is unnecessary. Punctuation is a stylistic choice in poetry, but you put commas in places that I don't think the reader needs to pause. This can sometimes disrupt the flow. For example, I think this line could do without a comma
I feel it makes the reader unnecessarily pause after "than"
And here
I feel the period at the end of the first line is unnecessary since the second line is a continuation of the first one. Also, I think the second line could be rewritten as "And pamper and love me" to avoid repetition, but that's just my preference.
Overall, this is a really nice poem. I love the topic you chose, and I hope this helped!
Thank you so much for the review and the suggestions too. It's my first poem. I'll surely pay attention to the points you mentioned. Again, thank you.
Of course! You did an excellent job with your first poem <3
Thank you.
hi itsshreyatripathi,
heyyy...this poem is really great!
its each every line is so amazing .... "I too want friends ,
Who gives surprises.
But those I get,
Leave me at crisis."
this part is just so heart touching.
Using simple words to describe yourself is no wrong...[according to me..]
The main point is to justify yourself through the poem. And I guess you succeeded doing so.
And yes I do agree with the other reviewers on the point that you should have made stanzas .
the main point of making stanzas are:
1. that makes your work look neat .
2. the organisation of any writing piece is very important.
3. that also attracts the reader to read that.
mmm...apart from this I did not find any mistakes...
so,keep writing...
From Sulagna
Thank you so much for your review and yes i will try to write in stanzas in future. Thank you so much.
ohh yaa welcome...waiting to read more of ur writings!
Greetings fellow writer, I'm Thorn, and I'll be reviewing for you.
As it was said before, the flow is quite off from the usage of punctuation that is similar and overused. Semicolons and more periods would break off the runny sentences I see in multiple lines of the 'stanzas', which really aren't there at all, so that can make even more longer bits that I don't prefer over a decently cleaned poem.
--->A stanza is a break in thought. Imagine it as a paragraph, but for another type of literature. You can put a couple lines in one stanza, and then break it up into another. It's simple and it helps a lot, so I advice to switch into that more adult style of organizing the flow of the poem and everything in general.
---->Capitalization, even after a comma, is totally incorrect and it looks extremely lazy in ways, so maybe try to expand that as it is wrong in many poetry formats and preferred by many including myself, but that's only a suggestion to you.
I believe that you did choose a topic that is easier to write about, yet still it looks too simple in the writing style of the words and some phrases you chose. It kind of looks rushed if you look at it. The appearance is very long and very simple, but that isn't a overall bad thing as it matters when you look past all that.
Ask if you have questions.
Catch you later.
Thank you so much for your review. Surely I'll try to improve. Actually I wrote the poem in stanzas but i don't know why it's not there in the output. But yes I'll improve for sure.
Hello itsshreyatripathi,
Stellarjay here for a review! First off, I totally relate and I can see where the poem is coming from. But there are a few things that could make it flow better and make a bigger impact.
1) Use stronger vocabulary and give more description. I've made this mistake before too, instead of using "simplistic" language, such as sad, happy, angry or lonely. Use words that have the same meaning, but are much stronger. (I hope this isn't confusing)
2) I would put in stanzas. It really helps break the poem up and helps different parts stand out.
3) (This is just a suggestion) Punctuation in a poem also helps break things apart and gives a better flow to it. It could help to put periods in the poem. But that's your choice.
That's all! Feel free to discard any suggestions. Have a good rest of your day and keep on writing!
- Stellarjay
Thank you so much for your review. I understand that i used a too many simple words. I'll improve for sure.