This is how it always goes
I’m so confused
And alone
It’s a non-ending cycle
Of heart break and loss
I give you my all
And end up with none
Cause you can say “I love you” a thousand times
And still not mean one
You can promise me a thousand promises, saying you will stay with me
And break them all
I never understood the promises made
Till’ I was lying on the floor
Shattered and broke
When every little part of me is broken, theres nothing left of me
that you can break
Nothing is feeling right
I can’t sleep the night
When you’re gone I’m missing you
It’s a non-ending cycle
Of heart break and loss
I give you my all
And end up with none
Cause you can say “I love you” a thousand times
And still not mean one
You can promise me a thousand promises, saying you will stay with me
And break them all
I need you here
To shelter me
I need someone
To set me free…
Just let me be.
It’s a non-ending cycle
Of heart break and loss
I give you my all
And end up with none
Cause you can say “I love you” a thousand times
And still not mean one
You can promise me a thousand promises, saying you will stay with me
And break them all
Hi Layal! Here to review your lyrics.
Right, now I did like these lyrics. There were quite a few cliched ideas which I'll talk about later, but generally these lyrics are good. I think a strong point of theses lyrics is that I can really feel the emotions conveyed, and I always think that's important in a song, so well done!
Now, as for improvements I have a few things to say. Firstly, the flow and pacing isn't that great. Remember, this is a song and you may want to add music and stuff to it, so imagine how it would be sung aloud. You may already have some ideas in your head for a melody, but right now looking at the words, I can't really think of how it would flow properly. Try and count your syllables to help with that.
Another thing is I'm sorry to say but I've heard this before! Not word for word of course, but the amount of songs, love songs, I've read with this sort of message! It's all sweet, and sad but it's just too over-used. Now, if this is a personal song, I'm not saying go changing how you feel, but try and use some more interesting techniques to show this. For example use some metaphors, maybe even something personal to make it your own.
Generally, this was a good read. Your cliched ideas did annoy me a bit, but you've got a nice way of writing. The next steps are try and use some more imagery and think out of the box! Be creative and try and put your own twist on things. I hope this review helped, PM me with questions or if you'd like anything else to be reviewed.
Keep Writing!
-Arc x
Hi there, itsLayal and welcome to YWS! Nite here to review for Team Dreamwave!
Overall, this seems like it could work with the right tune. The chorus is pretty strong, but the verses could add more interest. What were the promises? How did the subject break them?
Non-ending just sounds awkward to me. I think "an infinite" would work better without disrupting the flow.
Second line: "And still not mean it once" would sound better and make more sense.
Third line: Too long. Suggestion "And make a thousand promises, saying you will stay"
Missing apostrophe in there's.
Now, notice how many times you say break/broken here? Some repetition can be effective, but this isn't working for me. I'd suggest synonyms, but honestly I feel this whole verse is vaguely telling us about emotions rather than making us feel them. As mentioned above, it'd be good to tell us the story so we can understand what the speaker is going through. For example "You promised forever/but I guess that ended/the day she crawled/into your backseat". That's kind of off the top of my head, but it evokes an actual image, something the reader can latch on to.
Overall, this isn't bad, but could use some better verses to go with the chorus. Keep writing!
I like this piece because you definitely make the reader (or listener for that matter) FEEL the pain that this person is going through. The words are very personal and they hit a person on a deep level. I think everyone can relate to being promised something and having it broken. And that is what's powerful about this piece. It's universal. Good job!
Hey, Layal! The name's Storm, and I'll be reviewing for ya today.
I'll dive right into this.
In this case, the word "laying" fits into this line. Next, "till'" should be changed to either "'til" or "till". I suppose this does not matter too much because the misspelling will not affect the meaning, but I just wanted to bring the misplaced apostrophe to your attention.
Write on!
First off, I like how you present all the conflictions the character is feeling throughout this song. You show that the love he or she is experiencing is a rugged road that's not always straight, and is often a crooked, confusing street. The singer goes back and forth between wanting to keep a grasp on their relationship and letting it go, and I personally think that you, as the writer, painted this image flawlessly. We can hear the singer's frustration and confusion. Even though the song is a bit cliche, I enjoyed your work nonetheless and sympathized with the character.
However, there were a few mistakes that I noticed right off of the bat. For example, you wrote, "Till’ I was lying on the floor". A common confusion between "lying" and "laying" will always plague writers until they learn the difference.
In the line, "Shattered and broke", the word "broke" should be swapped with "broken" because of the way it is used here.
Another small correction can be made in the parts where you use the contraction of "because". Since you remove "be" from "because" and change it to "'cause", an apostrophe must be placed where the letters were taken out. Like I said before, it does not change the meaning if you sing the line, "'Cause you can say 'I love you' a thousand times", but it is technically incorrect.
All in all, I thought it was mostly good. The meaning of the lyrics was not very deep, and might be slightly cliche, but I still enjoyed reading over it!!! I hope this review helps you with future songs!
---Storm