They say that life is very brief
some look at this in disbelief
whichever one you this is true
listen closely to my view
smile more and frown less
it may be hard but don’t stress
don't worry what others think
it could all be gone in just a blink
live every moment like it's your last
and always learn from the past
Don’t ever wait for tomorrow, do everything today
if tomorrow never comes
you'll know this was the right way
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey there, this is an amazing poem. I mean it's very interesting and inspirational in a way.
I like the way how you used the rhyming words like last-past and less-stress.
The flow of the poem is great, but I got a little confused when I was reading the third line, maybe it was just my bad.
Anyway good job!
Hey!
EverWinter here, to review your wonderful poem.
I really think that this is close to perfection. The length is perfect, the rhyming scheme, everything is just great! But I think that you could exchange words in a few lines. The vocabulary in this is very simple, and doesn't really tug the reader. Use interesting and flaring words, because it adds beauty to the poem. Words like "more" could be turned to into "often" and "Don't ever" could be changed to "Do not" because it emphasizes the negative. "Don't" is very casual, like a suggestion. "Do not" is a command.
I enjoyed your poem, and I think that the theme you put into it was marvelous.
Have a great day.
Ever
That was an interesting read. It is fascinating where thoughts go, twisting and turning on a path of curiosity when there is no set trail for them. It rhymed, but not in a nursery rhyme way, and it fit togtherer pretty well.
"whichever one you this is true"
This sentance threw me into a tailspin, I do not know if it has all the words it should and it just sounds wrong.
The rest is all good, exept in one place though, I feel like it needs more syllables:
smile more and frown less
it may be hard but don’t stress
It is my personal opinion that you should change it slightly, to "it may be hard but do not stress" or "it may be hard but please don’t stress," I feel like it just needs a bit more.
The flow is great
Keep on writing!