Young Writers Society

ishitadutt
Hi I'm Ishan Dhyani and I'm here to review your Literary Work EYEronic
So here we go

Before beginning the review I feel extremely happy to read an Indian who writes about India on this site. Before visiting your work, I thought I was the only one. Well Done Ishitadutt.

Now talking about the essay. One more similarity between you and me, other than being Indian is that I could relate to it one hundred percent. I, also was super conscious when I walked to school with my spectacles for the first time. I remember taking them off and wearing them and repeating the process over and over again.

I also got rid of my glasses when I was in fourth( thanks to mummy and her 'nutritious', food) and then got them again in eighth and the legacy continues till date.

I also firmly believe that we, the speactacled ones are not 'battery' or 'chokha' or 'char ankhon wale' but are rather cool. I mean look at Ed Sheeran!

The only thing I couldn't relatete one hundred percent in the essay was about YJHD. Okay it had superb songs but Tamasha was way better. Isn't that so?

(You must be wondering what the above paragraph has to do with the review.)

A fantastic article!!!
Looking forward to see more works from you.
Thank You
Ishan

his was a wonderful article! There are a few grammatical errors, but I feel too lazy to point them out. Overall, you've done a good job explaining the essence of bespectacled people today who are ridiculed by our narrow minded society. I myself have been wearing glasses since I was three (now I am thirteen) and at first I hated them, but now I actually like them. No one really insults me since my friends are bespectacled as well and most of my family wears glasses.

What I didn't like was the Fault in Our Stars reference, cos' I hate that book and John Green doesn't strike to me as the most inspiring person in the world. But oh well, it's your article.

I'm not really fond of the modern so called HIP glasses. I prefer keeping it simple.

Good job!

Mysticalxx

Hello! Line edits are below:

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I have been wearing glasses since class 6. Now, after 5 years since ["FIVE YEARS AFTER" OR "FIVE YEARS SINCE"] a bald-headed [COMMA OR ( ] and himself bespectacled [COMMAS OR ) ] ophthalmologist had told me to wear glasses, they are as much a part of me as my skin. My eyes and my glasses are like lovers, two units but one soul. Each is incomplete without the other.

Initially, as a child [YOU SHOULD KEEP EITHER "INITIALLY" OR "AS A CHILD" OR "INTIALLY AS A CHILD" AND GET RID OF THE COMMA], I was afraid because my eyes were weak. [THIS IS AN AWKWARD SENTENCE THAT LEAVES THE READER HANGING. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? MAYBE CHANGE IT TO SOMETHING LIKE "I WAS OFTEN AFRAID BECAUSE MY EYES WERE WEAK" OR SAY THAT YOU WERE AFRAID OF BEING TEASED, OR JUST AFRAID OF HAVING GLASSES] I had consoled myself into believing that I would stop watching TV and playing video games, and munch on kilograms and kilograms of almonds and gooseberries [WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH YOUR GLASSES? OR ARE YOU JUST SAYING THAT YOU BINGE ATE BECAUSE YOU WERE SAD?], and eventually get rid of the glasses.

But here I am, 5 years post that, sitting in front of a computer emitting harmful radiations and reading small fonts on Google about how to improve eyesight. Know what a situation like this is called? Read the title once again. Yeah, that. [SO CLEVER. I LOVE THIS PARAGRAPH!]

However, so many years down the lane, I have evolved into being [YOU CAN DELETE "BEING"] an aficionado of glasses and people wearing them. We look cool, don’t we? I’m obviously not talking about the uncles and aunties wearing their black-brown specs with strings hanging down from both their ears. But the guys with big and sexy frames and the girls with the Naina Talwar look (I’m still not over YJHD!). Afterall ["AFTER ALL" IS TWO WORDS"], we have an array of colorful and super-stylish glasses these days ranging from the Cat-eyes to my personal favorite Lennon glasses and so many more. You can walk into an optical store just like that and end up buying a cool pair for yourself even if you don’t need one!

Breaking the stereotype, people with glasses are no more harassed and ridiculed with stupid tags like ‘geek’ or ‘four-eyed’ or ‘battery’. [THIS PARAGRAPH SEEMS A BIT RANDOM OR MISPLACED.]

Even after writing all this, I still despise the fact that I won't be able to see the world so amusing if some day my glasses break and I have to wait for one whole day to get the new one. Not that I am making up all this, but this also actually happened. [THE TRANSITION HERE IS A BIT STILTED AND AWKWARD.]

Three days back I was cleaning my glasses when while wiping the right glass [I THINK IT'S CALLED "LENS"] I accidently [CHECK SPELLING] plucked it out altogether. I had placed the order for new specs but had to wait for a day. And that day, [NO NEED FOR COMMA] had been terribly painful. [I DON'T THINK YOU NEED TO START A NEW PARAGRAPH HERE]

I couldn’t walk the road without bumping into a pebble or two. Whatever my math teacher wrote on the blackboard, [YOU DON'T NEED A COMMA HERE] seemed like Greek (not that I understand math, anyway!).

I’ve always feared oblivion, even much before of [THE PHRASE "EVEN MUCH BEFORE OF" DOESN'T MAKE SENSE] John Green telling the world that Augustus Waters fears oblivion, too. [OKAY, ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THAT YOU FEARED OBLIVION BEFORE JOHN GREEN TOLD THE WORLD THAT AUGUST WATERS FEARS OBLIVION?] So that one day felt like the worst come ["HAD COME"] true- oblivion. But then I remembered what Hazel Grace had said in the literal heart of Jesus:

"There will come a time when all of us are dead. All of us. There will come a time when there are no human beings remaining to remember that anyone ever existed or tat [CHECK SPELLING] our species ever did anything. There was time before organisms experienced consciousness, and there will be time after. And if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you, I encourage you to ignore it. God knows that's what everyone else does".

So now I don’t get scared when I imagine what will happen if one day my eyes won’t be able to see this world. Because I've willed myself to experience the most beautiful things of life before that damned day will come, which I know, [YOU DON'T NEED A COMMA HERE] will not [I WOULDN'T USE AN EMOTICON HERE. THIS PIECE IS CASUAL, BUT I FEEL LIKE THE WINKY FACE JUST TAKES AWAY FROM THE POWER OF YOUR LAST LINE.]

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I like that you included a message at the end. My main complaint about this piece is that it could be better-edited, more fluid, and expanded on the part where you realized that it's not the end of the world that you couldn't see without your glasses. The ending seemed a little rushed to me: You realized a quote, and you just end by saying that you willed yourself to experience beautiful things, but you don't actually show how you forced yourself to do so.

Hi ishitadutt! (Wow, that was hard to write)
YES! This was awesome! As a fellow glasses wearer, I completely agree. Your work was funny and a well written piece of work. I don't have much to say about this other than it is great. A couple quick teeny little things. I think someone has already said this, but I didn't get the whole class six thing, and you might want to change it. Also the sentence, "I couldn't walk the road without bumping into a pebble or two." made sense, but at the same time, it didn't. How can you not bump into a pebble? I am guessing this was a joke, and I am sorry for being so ignorant to good humor if it is, but in a non-humor piece of writing, I would suggest changing it. ANYWAY, I think you did a great job! I hope this helped!

Hello there! cleverclogs here for a Review Day review!

This is hilarious. I am also a glasses wearer, and have been since about second grade, so I can totally relate to this. A few random things I noticed:

There will come a time when there are no human beings remaining to remember that anyone ever existed or tat our species ever did anything.

I couldn't walk the road without bumping into a pebble or two.

(I’m still not over YJHD!)

Hey, it's wise! I'm obviously here to review.
The first line is kind of unclear to me. "Class six" is the thing that trips me up the most. What's a class? Also, you're better off writing out your numbers because that's what most people in professional books and poems do.
"I have been wearing glasses since class 6."
If your an on including the "and" after "games", then don't put the comma there because it's unnecessary. If you want to keep the comma and take out the "and" (which I think is better but you don't have to follow me), that's all you need to do.
"I had consoled myself into believing that I would stop watching TV and playing video games, and munch on kilograms and kilograms of almonds and gooseberries, and eventually get rid of the glasses."
Either this a typo, or you want to emphasize post meaning after as a stem. But you might want to look into changing the o into an a. And again, writing out the numbers.
"But here I am, 5 years post that, sitting in front of a computer emitting harmful radiations and reading small fonts on Google about how to improve eyesight."
That was all I could find. This was a truly amazing piece, and I loved it. I myself being a huge fan of Hazel Grace and if I'm not mistaken, TFIOS. Glasses are no longer teased at, true enough. This work was great. Keep writing!

-wisegirl22