Young Writers Society

The Perks Of: Being Unwanted

Prologue

“I feel too much. That's what's going on.' 'Do you think one can feel too much? Or just feel in the wrong ways?' 'My insides don't match up with my outsides.' 'Do anyone's insides and outsides match up?' 'I don't know. I'm only me.' 'Maybe that's what a person's personality is: the difference between the inside and outside.' 'But it's worse for me.' 'I wonder if everyone thinks it's worse for him.' 'Probably. But it really is worse for Me.”

―Jonathan Safran Foer

This story is about a girl who feels unwanted by everyone; friends, family and lovers. She has no remorse or feelings about anything that happens. The way things were handled in her life makes her an angry person and it destroys her life because she does not trust anyone. The story is based on my life and my experiences.

This is dedicated to everyone who believed in me and helped me get through my fears.

The Perks Of:

Being Unwanted

Chapter 1- The Beginning

Chapter 2- Why am I here?

Chapter 3- Lost feelings

Chapter 4- Not my home

Chapter 5-New state

Chapter 6-Where am I

Chapter 7- Finding yourself

Chapter 8-Feeling wanted

Chapter 1.

The Beginning

“She’s Beautiful,” said Grandma

“It’s about time”, said Helen

Hi my name is Isabel Franklin I was born June 16, 1997 in Merced, CA and this is The Beginning of my story.

I’ve spent my whole life hiding in fear of my parents and in regret of everything that’s happened to me. I never got to live a childhood life, so I can’t really tell you how it was. As I child I was forced to grow up fast. I was cooking at age 5, changing diapers at age 6 and babysitting at age 7. Having to be a grown up at a young age isn’t something a kid enjoys doing, but I really didn’t enjoy anything that happened in my life. My life has revolved around my mom and dad. It’s like there trying to live there life in me. I don’t want to be like either of them i want to be me. My plan for a long time was to graduate high school and go to a nice college/university that can help me pay my way through. I’ve never really depended on anyone to be there to support me, so I don’t ask anything of them.

To my family I’m invisible. I’m the mistake in my family, but as they would put it I’m the unexpected lucky one. The one that was unplanned. The one that wasn’t supposed to live. In my mind that would make me the angel from god, but I guess I thought wrong. Sometimes I don’t understand why people get pregnant if all they're going to do is tell their kids they were mistakes and just abandon them. I have a question? If I wasn’t supposed to live, does that mean god really does love me? He cared enough to be there when I was born, but my dad wasn’t. He saved me.

But everything happened October of 1995, before I was born when my mom first found out she was pregnant. When my dad first got deployed it gave him the feeling of rage and anger. During the war my father was injured. The worst about being a soldier’s fiancé is having to have an officer bring you a letter that states your husband/wife did not make it. When my dad came my mom was shocked. But I guess at that moment she wished he really had of been dead. When she told my dad she was pregnant with me my dad was mad. My mom stood there in fear but she had hoped for the best and prepared for the worst. Thinking that he was going to swing and unexpected kicked came her way towards my body. 7 months along and I wasn’t supposed to leave. I was “That girl” the unexpected lucky one. I should have died in my mother’s stomach. But I guess something greater didn’t feel that was right.

Growing up with 9 siblings was hard but that started to become my responsibility. I was the mistake in my family, the kids that wasn’t planned. I was one of those kids that had an abusive father and a drug addict for a mother. But that’s where the story starts. October of 1995.

My mom was a druggy and my dad was abusive and controlling. Neither of the two was fit to be parents. My mom was always gone and my dad was rarely around. My grandma raised me and as I got older that’s whom I saw as a mother. My parents seemed to always know how to ruin everything. Between the both of them we did not know who to trust nor believe. My mom would still from my family so that she could get her drugs. It got to where she started stealing my money, but I couldn’t do anything about it because I was too young to understand her needs. My father was around every once in a while but not when he was needed.

Sometimes id wonder what it would be like if I didn’t have parents? I can’t say that I regret them but I can say that they ruined everything for me and that’s something they can never change. Life was difficult growing up. Only seeing your parents when it’s convenient or when they need something. In 1998 my mom found out she was pregnant with my younger sister and my dad took it badly. For some reason he couldn’t stand my mom but I couldn’t stand either of them. Neither of them knew what to do with their life so I guess you could say they were meant to be together.

I remember when I was 3 years old I got taken from both parents and put in a foster home. When I was young I couldn’t understand the difference but now looking at things I see it clearer. My mom’s drug problems got worse and my dad couldn’t handle his anger. My dad held a gun to my mom’s head when I was 2 years old. She was holding me at the door getting ready to leave and he refuse to let her.

“If you leave I will kill both of you”, said my dad angry.

Though I might have been young I can still remember everything that happened when I was young.

In my life we were never in one place for more that a year. I’ve probably been in 11 different houses in 6 different cities and 2 states. I can’t remember the last time I was in one place more than a year but I guess it never worked out. It was hard for me growing up to make friends because I was always moving. I went to 3 different elementary schools, 3 different middle schools and 4 different high schools. I was bullied a lot because of my race and religion. It was hard because I always had to wear skirts. Sometimes kids would push me down on the playground and call me names; no one would help me they just laughed. I was, as you would say “different” from other kids. I had Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). My family tried to avoid me a lot. They would send me to friend’s houses or to relatives to get rid of me, which caused monophobia (fear of being alone). So I know you’re probably thinking “wow this little girl has been through hell and back”, but I’m here to tell you it’s not over yet.

It always seemed like something was wrong. My sister was going through anger while I was going through neglect. We had no one but each other. I can say that in the 17 years I’ve been alive nothing has seemed to go right. It was like an ongoing rainy day it never seemed to end. After awhile I started to see less and less of my parents. My dad was in jail and my mom was doing drugs neither of them new what they were doing until it was done. Holidays and birthdays went bye and I had to see my parents through a glass window. It’s not the best feeling in the world to know that your parents have let you down and failed to care but it’s not the worst. Let me read you a story from my journal;

Dear diary,

It’s June 16, 2002 and I can’t remember the last time I was happy on my birthday? My dad is in jail for threatening his new wife and my mom is still doing drugs. I got $500 dollars from my grandma for my birthday and my mom took it. I haven’t seen it since. I’m scared that one day I might turn out like them or that I might not see them anymore. Is it bad that sometimes I wish I wasn’t born? My life feels like a plastic bag it blows you away from everything and then you end up lost with no one. Is it possible that god could help my mom and dad with their problems so that they won’t be in trouble anymore? I will be a good girl and listen I won’t be so hyper and angry. I just want my parents back.

Goodnight.

That year was the hardest year of my life because neither of my parents were there to watch me grow stronger. Having 9 siblings and no parents was hard, but growing up fast so that I could take care of them was even harder. I didn’t have a childhood. From the age 5 I was cooking and cleaning. I was babysitting at 7 and never had time for me or friends. Why does everything half to be so difficult? Can anyone answer that? Does anyone care?

Chapter 2.

Why am I here?

August 24, 1999 I was 3 years old when I was put in my first foster home. I was scared but young. Nothing seemed to make sense. I was always trying to figure out where my family was and why complete strangers surrounded me. I’ve been in the system since then and it has changed my life in both positive and negative ways. Getting older I was surprised I even new who my parents where that’s how much I saw them. When I finally got placed back in the custody of my parents nothing was the same. When I got out of foster care I went straight to my dad because they saw that my mom was in a positive living condition to care for a child. But when I thought about it neither of my parents where in positive living conditions. When I was four I always wondered what it would be like to be treated like the other kids I saw. The cheerful, athletic, happy kids that made life seem so simple. Where was my happiness and when was it going to start.

Poverty entails fear and stress and sometimes depression. It meets a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts that is something on which to pride yourself but poverty itself is romanticized by fools.

-J. K. Rowling

By the age of 5 I was taking care of myself; cooking, cleaning, bathing and taking care of the other kids in my house. I remember when my dad when to war. It was one of my biggest fears for my father being in the military. He had been deployed in Iraq 1 month before my birthday. We had got a letter saying that he was injured and I watched my step mom break down into tears and fall to her knees. I guess I wasn’t the only one that feared him going to war.