As I am sitting,
I can't help but wonder why
the sky is so blue.
As I am watching,
I now notice the people
who look on blankly.
As I am wishing,
I hope for a better world
where we chase our dreams.
As I am dreaming,
everyone is happy,
and the world has peace.
As I am waking,
I begin to realize
the world goes nowhere.
As I am looking,
I see opportunity,
but it's a mirage.
As I am laying,
I think of the world today,
and see nothing but lost hope.
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140,819 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
I suppose I'll leave a review myself. First off, I posted a piece similar to this poem ( it is the message that I feel is similar).
It's like you explained exactly how I feel about the world. The poem was great without a rhyming. The message is deep yet very clear. I also liked how you used "As I am" every other line. The repetition makes the poem flow great.
Overall, I give your poem two thumbs up. You have a Follower in me. Keep up the good work!
I'll definitely check it out!
I wrote this in 5 minutes, believe it or not. Of course, editing was mandatory. I was looking out the window in English before last bell and I was trying to think about what people thought about the world. I suppose it is a little deep.
Anyway, thanks! Definitely following back! More poetry is in my future!
This was a great poem. I must admit I'm not a big fan of poems that don't rhyme, but this is still pretty good. I like how the poem starts off, making the world seem like a great place to be. But as the poem progresses, it paints the world in darker colors.
Toward the end, you say "As I am laying,"... shouldn't it be "lying"? Yes, because "laying" would refer to an object. A book is laying. You are lying. Nonetheless, it's still a great poem. It speaks volumes to me.
I was hoping people would get that.
Ah, yes. I did notice that. Thanks for the tip and the review!
Hey there - WillowPaw1 here to review your magnificent poem!
This is ganna be a short review...
Wow - so yeah - amazingness! (If that's even a word). I loved how you repeated lines, yet changes the verb that followed after. The repetition wasn't written bad, and the use of different verbs was awesome!
I think this is just so true! Wondering why the sky is blue - we all did (or still do) wonder.
I especially love your title. It fits in wonderfully to the poem.
The last thing I'm ganna be gushing about is the syllables. Thinking of every single one and making it match - sheesh! Didn't that take, like, forever? Seriously, that would've taken me like five hours. ......
Anyways, lovely poem, sorry I couldn't help out much, I just didn't have much to critique on.
WillowPaw1~
Thanks! It did take a LOT of counting to figure out the syllables.
Yeah - WOOH - I would've been pooped.
Hello! Em101cats is here, and I'm here to review!
So. Poems. How I love them so much. And yours? Wonderful! Simply amazing! Only few writers have this skill. And you're one of them, of course.
The repetition added so well to the poem. Repetition is one of the factors of a poem that boosts the poem itself. And yours was well done, very well done!
These are my favorite lines. In my opinion, these two lines are what made the poem touch my heart and make me think hard! And the cool but sad part about this is, it's true. All true. So true. So sadly true. Lost hope - one of the best ways to describe our lost world. War! Money! Arguments! That's all the world thinks about these days. And it stinks, it really does, for those people who actually don't think all about war, money and arguments - the ones like you and I. To see the world in the state it's in with no way to help shape it up hurts me really badly. It deeply scars my heart, truthfully.
I didn't see spelling or grammar errors. I didn't see, actually, any errors. Thank you so much for the perfection of this poem, it makes it easier for me to not have to go through and point out every little detail you missed. Haha. Maybe I'm lazy. Just kidding.
Keep up the knocked-my-socks-off writing!
~Em101cats~
This means a lot to me, really. I was sitting in English at the end of the day, bored, so I decided to write this poem in 5 minutes. Of course, it was a draft, so I added to it. I was hoping someone would understand what it actually meant, and you did! So thanks.