Published December 15, 2010
In the most interior halls
Of grandfather, opa, Herr Uberlebende
His mind
Behind the film that shrouds his eyes
(Fading, opaque, impenetrable)
There is a gap between the rooms that line the dusted floors--
A hole between the satanic years
When worlds erupted and world war too,
Between eight year old boy and then
The thirteen year old half-man
(His portrait was burned with all the rest,
That filled the uninhabitable rooms)
A line of broken apartments hide
Padlocked, wired, sealed by ghosts.
They lie repressed beneath the floors
And grandpapa, my dear
Has not been to clean them since
America has taught him they didn’t exist
Don’t exist
Extract your belongings
(We’ll pay your fees)
Whitewash the walls—
And then you leave.
For it would be your death to enter
Into those vacant rooms
Starved walls
Where you, yes you,
(Oh Opa, pappy)
Emaciated your soul
Deprived, you
Forsook your abode—
When an eight year old Liebling
Peering between life and death
(Retreating behind his hole in the wall)
In his splendid apartment—his very own
Looked up
At the S.S. poster boy—
And Himmler’s devil asked—
“Who is home?”
And the answer came back, in echoes
Echoes
“No one, no one is home
There is an empty apartment, empty, empty;
and no one, no one is home.”
Lies come true.
Now only echoes and the massacred
tread in the purged, forbidden rooms.
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BTW, the title is really good! but you could change it to "Battles Sealed by Walls/Doors", or "Wars Beneath the Ceiling". They're still pretty lame, sorry for ruining the flow of it.
I love the bits of German that are scattered in, I learnt German for two years and am quite proud coz i can read most of the bits in this poem.
"A hole between the satanic years" Love this line, it's so descriptive.
"Padlocked, wired, sealed by ghosts" Same with this one.
"They lie repressed beneath the floors
And grandpapa, my dear
Has not been to clean them since
America has taught him they didn’t exist
Don’t exist"
This line is well written but it needs a bit more rythym and/or rhyme (your choice)
"Extract your belongings
(We’ll pay your fees)
Whitewash the walls—
And then you leave"
This line is perfect! (No more needs to be said)
"Emaciated your soul" (Wow!)
"And the answer came back, in echoes
Echoes
“No one, no one is home
There is an empty apartment, empty, empty;
and no one, no one is home.”" (This one is awsome!)
"Lies come true.
Now only echoes and the massacred
tread in the purged, forbidden rooms."
(Love the ending, it's so strong!)
Sorry about the reveiw, i probably mucked up the whole thing.
Anyway, my last sentence, awsome poem!
Hey there! I'm SporkPunk and I'll review this today.
So, the beginning, for me, was a rough start. But the interjection of German kept me reading. The middle is extremely strong, packed with powerful imagery and syntax. That said, I'm not a huge fan of the end stanza. It's simply...alright. I think, maybe, progressively building up to the middle's fragmented ideas might help. Like, start with more complete ideas, then break them down throughout the first stanza, and then in the middle, you have the choppy part. And then start building your sentences again. If that makes any sense whatsoever.
Oh, and in the first stanza, do you mean "too?" Or do you actually mean, "two?" As in the number, like World War II.
Hope I could help! Keep Writing!
Sporks