shoddy construction

I like what you've got here, the poem paints a clear story. The house is just a fantastic metaphor to build a lot of emotion around, and I think a lot of people will be able to relate to those feelings of leaving and looking for home. Me thinks it would be easier to read if there were less line breaks, though if it was intentionally a bit disorienting than more power to you for doing something unique!

Keep on writing~

-metrophobia
for fear of poetry

Hey there, introworded! michaeld here, hope you're having a good one so far. Just wanted to say a few things about this delightful poem you've shared.

Firstly, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. The imagery is fantastic, I think it flows relatively well, and there are lots of memorable "snapshots" to take away. I particularly liked:

"It has nursed / and fed and / held onto / and let go of / plenty."

"It shakes / when you leave / and holds its / gravel hand / out."

"knocking / on your bedroom door, / bringing / you dinner, / asking / about your day" (while voices physically cannot "knock" on a door, I really like this image)

I also enjoyed the repetition of, "The house in the middle / of the street." Often, this feels redundant and trite, but I think you've found a balance here. Addressing @Radrook's concern about the house being in the middle of the street, I interpreted this as a house that has houses on either side of it, rather than being at the end or beginning of a street. But, I definitely see their point of view, so it may be beneficial to find another wording.

Now, here comes everyone's favorite part! I've just got a couple of critiques and corrections for you.

In the opening stanza, the phrase, "has long since been built" is a bit confusing. I understand you are trying to say that the house is old and has stood for a long time, but I would recommend finding something other than "been built." I would say something like, "has long since stood" but you address the house standing on crooked feet in the next line. Using "been built," makes it feel like the house was recently built after not having been built for a long time.

In the line, "It has ran its fingers," this needs to be, "It has run its fingers," as the past participle of "to run" is "run."

Just missed a few commas here: "and whenever the wind / blows[,] / it takes a little bit"

and here: "and when you sleep / through the morning[,] / it holds the light" (side note: another lovely image!)

Lastly, the format throws me off a bit. I really enjoyed the content, but the enjambment--I feel--really took away from the reading experience. I would like to see what it looks like separated into its original stanzas, but even at that point, I am unsure of what you are trying to convey with the quite narrow, centered text. It gives the reader almost a "rushed" feeling, as they are able to scroll through and skim the poem rather quickly, and I feel this piece deserves more. Meatier stanzas will allow the reader to take their time when reading, and process the images more naturally (if that makes sense).

Once again, thank you for the lovely read. This really is a delightful poem. Just a few tweaks here and there, and you'll have a real gold nugget!

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:


Thanks for sharing this very interesting and beautiful poem about a very old house that is personified and provided with caring attitudes for the residents who no longer live there. Houses have been used to represent the human condition as it ages. But the house in the poem isn’t representing the human condition. Instead it represents the house as if it had been a conscious good host, in all their joys and sorrows and longing for their return.


Suggestion

The house in the middle of the block.
[Please note that things in the middle of a street are in the way of traffic.
https://mashable.com/2018/06/28/lost-ho ... Pq9sPuYgqf
]

. . . . does not know knew.
[ . . . . does not know new.]

It has ran its fingers . . . .
[It has run its fingers . . . .]

The house is slight, . . . .
[The house is small, . . . .]

it knows the sound . . . .
[It knows the sound . . . .]

. . . . through the morning . . . .
[. . . .through the morning[,] . . . .]

Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Hey Introworded, I just can't pass by without dropping a little review..
First observation: I like your title, one of the most important elements of any poem is the kind of title it carries, it can either throw one off, or spark some curiosity. I like what you've done here, seeing the title "shoddy construction" just makes me say to myself "okay, let me see what this is about" it's a really catchy title.
Second observation: The format,.. I felt maybe you were trying to create a visual representation of the theme her, hence the "shoddy" format, makes it look a bit disjointed, however i find it interesting and artistic.
Third observation: There were some errors with your grammar and/or spelling, makes it looks like you rushed the work and did not cross check, these little errors can alter the meaning or disrupt the flow when reading your work.. for instance, this sentence "The house in the middle of the street does not know knew" I feel you meant to that last word to be "new", and "ao inherently

small" i feel you meant the first word to be "so" and not "ao".
Final observation: On a general note, i really love the idea behind this poem. I like the personification, one can see the house in the like of a person... powerful piece of art you've got there

Hey there introworded. I thought I'd drop by and give you a review.

One thing that bothers me right off the bat, after barely reading the poem at all, is the centering format. I rarely see centering used in a good way and for the most part, it never contributes anything to the poem. To me, it looks like you're using it for what everyone else uses it for, to be a little be different because having the words to one side or the other, just looks too 'plain'.
It doesn't really add anything. It really takes away from the message because the reader is more focused on the formatting than anything else.

The house in the middle
of the street
has long since been built.

It stands on crooked feet,
shabby foundation,
and whenever the wind
blows
it takes a little bit
of it with it.

The house in the middle
of the street
does not know knew.

It knows old carpeting
and leaked ceilings,
it knows the sound
of rain
on its corroded windows,
begging to be let in.

It is familiar
with lullabies,
baby cries,
long-told lies,
and blue-grey skies.

It has nursed
and fed and
held onto
and let go of
plenty.

It has ran its fingers
down your back
and held your heart
in its hands.

It sings to you
every night,
and when you sleep
through the morning
it holds the light
over your eyes
and greets
you anyway.

The house in the middle
of the street
is an old one.

It has met the family
and doesn't ask why
they don't
visit anymore,
but it weeps
with the creak
of the doors’ hinges.

It shakes
when you leave
and holds its
gravel hand
out,
waiting for you to return.

The house is slight,
and big
and gigantic,
although it feels
ao inherently
small
when it seems like
the only things
that occupy its
fragile walls
are voices.

Voices that carry
all the way through,
knocking
on your bedroom door,
bringing
you dinner,
asking
about your day,
anticipating
your departure.

Hello there, introworded!!

This is Eros here with a review for you !!

The title catches my attention. It was catchy and fulfilled all the criterias of a good Title.

A title should be short, sweet catchy, and attractive and simple. It should be related to the content of course.

And the title perfectly suits the poem.

The next thing that I liked was the presentation of the poem. It was very neat and very smooth to read.
I loved the theme of the poem which is very unique and I haven't got to read anything of this sort before. It was a wonderful, yet simple theme, expressed beautifully.

The word choice was very good. It was very apt and appropriate. I especially like the wordings of the stanza,

It is familiar

with lullabies,

baby cries,

long-told lies,

and blue-grey skies.

I'm not a poetry person at all, but I'm so intrigued by this poem and the message it contains. Absolutely love the description of the house and the faint memories it holds in its decaying walls. Each person has the house they grew up in, fancy or not. I grew up in a rickety old house in the slums of New Jersey and this poem makes me feel like I am home. That being said, the ending gripped me completely because by personifying the house with the experiences it has had and with the people that once occupied it is an amazing way to end this poem. Overall no complaints, maybe its just my preference but the way the words laid on my screen kind of made it hard to read altogether.

Please keep doing what you're doing!

Very beautiful! Great efforts! I liked the idea of rain begging to let in and all those personifications you have used for the house like-It stands on crooked feet
It was a pleasure to read from ‘ it has nursed and fed.....– and greets you anyway.....