Yo intra! I'm gonna continue with these prologues until I'm finished with them all and finally caught up. I'm quite excited, are you?
Anyway, let's get right into this!
Alek ran until the buildings and streets turned into nothing but blurs. His scrawny chest heaved, his breath rattling in his ears. A cramp in his side warned him that he couldn’t keep this pace for long. Still, he couldn’t stop, not with the crone’s warning ringing through his head.
What a wonderful way to start the prologue. I'm a stickler for introductions and this was definitely great.
When Alek was done, he leaned back and patted his now full stomach lovingly.
So personally I've never ever ever done this before. This is a strangely comedic and unnatural thing to do, and I've only ever seen my 5 year old niece do this because she was being a brat. This seems really out of character for Alek from what little I've seen of him so far. Like, yes, I get that his stomach is now full, but this is just making it exaggerated. It doesn't need to do so.
The witch hunters were a relatively new guild, having been created only two decades ago. His Majesty King Lucien, grandfather of the current king, had spearheaded a program that would give special training to soldiers. This special training consisted of disabling spells, learning how to protect oneself against curses, and of course, lessons on how to kill a witch. Only the strongest, most capable of the king's soldiers became witch hunters. Or so Alek thought.
I have a problem with the paragraph in general, because why would Alek know so much about this guild? It was said right before that they're the stuff of legends, so how would Alek know so much about them. It feels like you're just info-dumping here. It's extremely out of character and is information we don't need right now. Just slapping "Or so Alek thought" on the end doesn't make this better haha
“No. But something there, inside of you, makes me wonder if you’d be willing to join our cause. As an apprentice.”
Honestly, I understand where this is going, as a lot of stories (especially medieval or fantasy ones) have a scene like this, but this one feels rushed. I would have liked to see Alek on his own more after what just happened, and not have someone swoop in and save him so early on. It feels like plot convenience at this point.
Plot convenience is this: "It's where an author takes a plot device that has not been established and uses it to solve the characters' problems, often without a price or consequence. By force of the author, the plot bends to give the main characters the most optimal outcome to whatever situation they've landed in." This comes from a wonderful article here that you should really check out. It's a great read.
Basically, it means that the character is given an optimal outcome that doesn't seem realistic to the reader. That's what happened here in my opinion. We, as the reader, have only heard about what's been going on with Alek, how his life has been soooo terrible, but we see here that someone picks him off the street as soon as he becomes homeless and offers him an apprenticeship. Now, you can somewhat explain this off as Zephyr being in the right spot at the right time, but I don't believe that. It's just too much of a good scenario that's there just to push the plot, and it completely contradicts everything that the reader has heard of Alek's life from that point on.
Overall, I think the writing itself is nice. I do have a bit of a problem where this went story-wise, as I think it's a tad bit unrealistic. I know what you're thinking "This is a story about witches, there's nothing realistic about it!" but you see, even in the most avant-garde stories out there, there's some sort of rules or structure. That's why people read it. It's relatable on some level or another. A reader naturally picks up on what counts as realistic and what doesn't very early on in a story. As a writer, you can bend what's realistic, but you must do so right at the beginning. From the beginning here it seems as if this story is fairly similar to my life, so I'm basing my standards of realism on that. That last scene broke my suspension of disbelief. I hope you'll be able to bring me back!
Points: 3775
Reviews: 378
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