It Came

by innerbeauty555

Published May 6, 2006

Ha ha ha.

You're exposed,
You and your pack of wolves,
So don't throw me your dirty looks,
Because now everyone sees them.
Everyone knows all the harm you've done,
And everyone knows you think mock'ry is fun;
Everyone knows how you think you've won,
But you've lost.

You've loaded on too much;
Now, you're going to break through.
You've been building up a wall,
Since that first look of hate,
When I just tried to show kindness,
Since that first awkward silence,
When you didn't know what to say.
You pushed too hard on the gas,
And now you're going off a cliff.

Those silly little mockeries,
Of my friends and I,
Suddenly are not so funny;
You couldn't match us if you tried.
I don't care what you think,
And I never have,
But now, no one else does, either.
Nobody thinks you're funny;
Everyone thinks you're cruel.
Nobody sees your "acceptable" ways;
Everyone sees your crime.
Nobody sees the "hard work" you do;
Everyone sees you skip class.
Nobody thinks you're "cool" anymore;
You're on everyone's last nerve.

You can whine, moan, and complain all you want,
But no one really cares,
'Cause as I told you long ago,
You get what you deserve.
No one cares what you say,
Or about your stupid game,
For, all along, you had it coming,
And it finally came.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Dream Deep
Review
Dream Deep wrote a review Review · May 7, 2006

I thought it was pretty good, but that rhyme scheme! Here, look at the first stanza:

innerbeauty555 wrote:You're exposed,
You and your pack of wolves,
So don't throw me your dirty looks,
Because now everyone sees them.
Everyone knows all the harm you've done,
And everyone knows you think mock'ry is fun;
Everyone knows how you think you've won,
But you've lost.


I love how that stanza ended, but in the two lines which precede the last one, the ryhming seems so forced, so stuck, so hard to read. :smt095

You may want to work on that.

-DreamDeep

User avatar
xanthan gum
Review
xanthan gum wrote a review Review · May 7, 2006

Ha ha ha.

This was a sour start.

Your anger fed the poetry well, but I think you lingered on this far too long and basically repeated yourself over and over again. The beginning was nice, but then it just dragged out. I'd avoid that.



My tongue must tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart, concealing it, will break...
— Katherine, The Taming of the Shrew