Young Writers Society

<3'd it! I could really see the emotion in the verses. & once again, probably can at least somewhat guess what it's about. Diana, u really shud post some of ur stories and poems from our creative writing class up on here. I haven't got to read any of them, and I want to!

FaLlEn_AnGeL_13 wrote: Is it a rock song?

it's nice!! Just one question. The words of this song sounds like it would be rock song. Is it a rock song? Anyways, i luv the part when you write oxymoron. Keep up the good work!

I pretty much liked this overall because its something that I can relate to. The fact that someone can get so much attention even though they shouldn't is a bad thing to deal with. I think I agree, your lyrics seem to become a little choppy in parts, I do think it could flow more than it did. I'm not sure of the person you are describing but the first thing I thought about when I was reading this was, "This makes me think of that bitch Christina that used to be my best friend." Harsh. But the truth. I felt and still feel like you are expressing in here. I liked this.

The valse thing doesnt work for me either. But you aren't to blame, false is a horrible rhyming word.

Great job.

niteowl wrote:Overall, I liked this. The first verse was kind of choppy, though. "You can't valse"? I looked that up. In Webster's it's a type of waltz, in American Heritage it doesn't exist. Could you please tell me what "valse" means, and perhaps find a better word there?

Overall, I liked this. The first verse was kind of choppy, though. "You can't valse"? I looked that up. In Webster's it's a type of waltz, in American Heritage it doesn't exist. Could you please tell me what "valse" means, and perhaps find a better word there?

"But your words cut
Like a shark tooth shard"

This seemed kind of choppy and forced as well. Don't focus so much on the rhyming. Rhyming's nice, especially in a song, but if it sounds bad, don't use it. Of course, I can't hear the music, and it might work better with that.

How can you be beautiful
If you're really ugly?
Inside
It's what counts
Cooking, rolling in boys now
Ten years later
You won't care how
You got 'em all
You'll just sit and bawl
Will I be there?
Will I be there?

I really like this chorus, except for some things. Shouldn't the question mark come after "inside"? And "cooking" seems out of place. Think if there's a more accurate word for what you're trying to convey.

Hypocrite
You make me sick
Sitting there in your "Angel" shirt
While you cuss your head off
And smoke the dirt
All the boys
See you as a prize
Despise me
But you're the one who cries
And deep down you
Hate yourself
Stay on your shelf
Below the basement
Bitter resentment
It's the lowest one
I know it's not fun

"Despise me/But you're the one who cries" seems disjointed. Maybe it would sound better as "You despise me/But you cry/'Cause you hate yourself even more" or something like that.



Oxymoron
Oxymoron
A self-contradict'ry statement
Oxymoron
Oxymoron
Ha ha, yeah
You're a moron, all right

I really liked this. It's simple and fun and fits with the song. In fact, i might suggest changing the title to "Oxymoron" and making this the chorus. Okay, maybe not, but I still like it. *curses herself for not coming up with it*

Overall, it was good, could just use some tweaking. :thumb: