Far Off

by inndysgirl
  • March 28, 2008
  • Poetry
  • Other

Far Off
far off in the distance
a little tiny farm...
a windmill, a barn, a farmhouse
in a peaceful, dismal fog

okay bear with me this poem is discription of one of my moms paintings

Comments & reviews · 2
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ashleylee
Review
ashleylee wrote a review · Fri Mar 28, 2008 2:02 pm

It was too short for me. I mean, you should put more description into it. It was too simple. It was as though you were reading off a list "Here's the farm house, here's the windmill, a barn"

Look at the painting and make me imagine as though I was standing in front of it. Make me picture this photo. Show me as though I was standing under this dismal fog.

Umm, other than that, I really don't have any more advise other than Keep Writing! :)

User avatar
OverEasy
Comment
OverEasy commented · Fri Mar 28, 2008 4:16 am

Maybe we would get it a little more if you scanned the picture and posted it on here too. Other wise this feels fairly uninspired. It's kinda like, ok there is some description but no feeling behind it.

Atleast that's what I got from it.



See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. Ask for no guarantees, ask for no security.
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451