This is powerful although it took me a couple reads to fully digest it.
Something in the way you write seems vague but tells the story of a memory in vivid detail and colour, especially the last six lines not including the sentence in French. On second thought, after clarifying what the words of French meant - I'll include that line. I particularly love the part where you use the "laughed as children often do
moments after it is too late to take it back." It's been a while since I've heard reference to the moments when people laugh only to realize it's the wrong thing to do & that was a sure way to end it defiantly. "I will always remember" - Was a nice touch as some things just sound better in French.
It seems with the lack of critiques that not everyone can accept your poetry, as in my opinion it has a fresh, under used feel to it. Keep it up.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,438 Literary Works • 674,416 Reviews
I'm so lost already, but I think especially somewhere around the italicized part.
I'm not sure the caption comparison holds; but maybe that's just because it's an ~embodiment of the other person contrasted with the previous effect. And "existance" is such a vague word. Though I don't know what other word you could use instead.
Nice. And I even like it as an ending.