Young Writers Society

I liked this because I always wondered what it would be like for Emily. Let alone any of the boys imprinted girls. I mean any time they morph could be the last time you see them, and yet they still manage. I like how you added the fact that Emily can cook well. And I also like how you write, it's very descriptive

Congrats on your first FF! I myself have yet to jump into that genre of writing yet. Anywho, here go's my review...



Off he goes, after a kiss, a word of goodbye. Off he ventures into the deep forest, the wide world.
Okay, your first line is VERY important. It should draw the reader in and keep them in the dark so they have to keep reading to find out what happens. This is pretty good but the wording is a little awkward. Let me break it down.

Off he goes, after a kiss, a word of goodbye.
It looks like you have comma fever . It would sound better like Off he goes, after a kiss and word of goodbye.

Off he ventures into the deep forest, the wide world.
You repeat Off. It almost sounds poetic. Which is okay in some instances. Just not now.
the wide world I don't know, to me it just sound choppy and clique. Try describing the world as something else. Maybe dangerous or enemy filled. Make it sound exciting.

I am left here, gazing at the great blue sky as she stares dwn at me.
I think it would sound better if you put a WHILE before the I in the beginning. And umm... you forgot a O. Which to tell you the truth, I think is a good sign. I take it as your brain was working faster then your fingers. I do it all the time.


I envy her in a way..she gets to watch over Sam always, no matter how far away he is from me
She gets to always watch over Sam, no matter how far away he strays. flows better like that.


With a shallow sigh, I tell myself that he will be back later, glowing and radiant as always. Thinking of him, I can't help but smile. He gives me such a warm, beautiful feeling, like I'll always be safe, and happy with him. I know I will.
I like this. Nothing to fix.

I wander into the kitchen, and take some muffins out of the oven. The gorgeous smell captivates me, and I put them on the windowsill to cool down a little. The boys will no doubt tear into them when they get back. The boys.....I can't help but feel sorry for Leah, being the only girl, bullied by the boys. I love her so much, but I know what I did to her must have been torture for her. Her and Sam were so in love....but I know she'll find soemeone else one day. She will. Jacob did, after all, and he spent plenty of time moping around.
Where was Emily in the first place anyway? From where did she wander into the kitchen? It is a little jumpy here when you add the paragraph before it. I would use Their instead of The when talking of the smell of muffins. The boys..... I would make that separate paragraph. Again, you jump little. you start talking about the boys and then BAM! Leah. Also, If I recall, Leah wasn't bullied to much by the pack boys. She gave THEM hell. I do like that you added Emily loving Leah. <3 . Instead of Her and Sam were so in love, I would say her and Dam were so close. Get rid of the "She will."


Looking out of the window, the day really does look beautiful, so I go out to sit. The warm breeze caresses my skin. The view from out here on the reservation is really quite amazing. The trees are so green...so luscious. I close my eyes, listening to the birds singing serenely, the crickets clicking, and the whoosh of the sea on the beach.
Looking out what window? You are lacking a bit on details. "So I go out to sit." You having the romantic feel so stick to it and maybe add something about "to wait for him." I like this paragraph also. I really feel like I'm on the beach. The last part right there sounded just like Steph.



Suddenly, I can see figures in the distance, coming towards me. it's Sam! Back, safely to me. I know I worry so much, but I know how dangerous things can be, like the time they fought against Victoria...Jacob got so badly hurt...it could easily have been Sam. He had phased back to human form. When he reaches my house, he wraps me in a tight embrace. He is so warm...I feel so safe in his arms. All of the world just fades away..like we're the only ones on the face of the earth. I love him so much. More than I ever thought I could love someone. As he kisses me, he runs his long fingers down my scars on my face, his expression hardening. I know he feels like a monster since the time he...he got angry...but it hurts me to see him feeling that way. He is so loving, so kind... he is my Sam. All mine.
I don't know where I got this from or if I just have a quirk but unless its Nancy Drew I never like it if someone starts a sentence with suddenly. I don't even really like the word in any part of a sentence. You wrote "figures" but then it sounded like theres just Sam. This could work-- like Emily was to forcused on Sam that she didn't notice other people-- but you need to rewrite it in as a little after thought like "I was so happy he was back, everyone else around me turned invisable." Or something better then that . This is the biggest jump in this chapter. she on the beach, chillin and thinking about sam just like a little bit after he's gone and the POOF! Here he comes! Cue the welcoming pararade she put together during the jump from boys to Leah. Just kidding, It's not that bad but you need to fill it in. Maybe let her fall asleep and then you could have a POOF, BAM and SHAZAM! and he could appear. "I know I worry so much." make the so and to. You kind of use so alot. I think instead of using the fight with victoria-- because, I mean, how does Emily know besides seeing Jake's inguries and hearing things-- you could something else. Love the ending on this, All Mine. Though out of context it sounds like you should add evil laughter after it. .


As I kiss him....such a sweet, tender feeling, he drapes one arm around my shoulders and we walk into the house, together. Together with Sam Uley is how I always want to be. Emily Uley...that will be my name next month...when I think of this, I can't help but smile....Emily Uley
As I kiss him-- such a sweet, tender feeling-- he drapes one arm around my shoulders and guides me back into the house. Together with Same Uley is how I always want to be. Emily Uley.. that will be my name next month. *Add something about marriage. * When I think of this, I can't help but smile and as I walk through the door of our home, my body wrapped in his warmth and love two pleasent words run through my mind over and over. Emily Uley.

Final Thoughts:

I liked this piece alot. Yeah, there are some things you need to change (As you can see in the long, boring, evil sounding review above) but it is a good idea ( you get bonus points for that ) and all the mistakes are ones I make as well, that all writers do. SO.... GREAT JOB!!!!! Can't wait to read more.

P.S. I have never done a review in such detail before and hope that the things I point out will really help you when you edit. That's the nice thing about reviews, their like cheat sheets for editing.