z

Young Writers Society



America the Beautiful

by indieeloise


The U.S. has always been esteemed as a prospect of a hopeful and successful future to people from all around the world. The patriotic song “America the Beautiful” portrays this country as a symbol of brotherhood, whose “heroes..love mercy more than life” (Bates). Now, taking a walk down the street does not offer quite the appeal that it did once upon a time. Over the years, the roads have proved not to be paved with gold, despite the international rumors. Likewise, the hearts of men have not promoted the idea of beauty. In the economical state that our country is in today, Americans should join hands and unite in pride for our homeland. Instead, life is stolen from the innocent, misplaced blame is bestowed upon all but the guilty, and arrogant judgment is thrust on the less fortunate. What happened to the true heroes of the red, white, and blue - acceptance and nobility?

Roughly 313 million people live in America today, and around 30 million live below the poverty line. For every ten less-fortunate, one is without a home. A misconception of society states that all homeless people can be grouped together into one large melting pot: lazy bums who choose to be without work in order to take advantage of charity. This, however, is false. At least half of the homeless population has a paying job, although minimum salary is often susceptible to be waged. Lack of work usually turns out to be the last domino before everything around a person collapses. For instance, little savings and missed paychecks can easily lead to a downfall after an unexpected crisis, such as a health emergency, occurs. If this happens, the person will be forced to take off at least a month from work, contributing to unpaid bills, car payments, and mortgages, chancing eviction.

An uneducated background affects a person’s ability to rise above the lower class level as well. A cycle of poverty offers little hope for the generations to come. An immense amount of financial, mental, emotional, and physical support would be necessary to prevent a person in this situation from throwing in the towel on living comfortably. Also, 25% of homeless single adults are either affected by or suffer from serious mental illness. Other factors that succeed in increasing the homeless rate in America are domestic violence, divorce/lack of child support, physical disabilities, and severe depression. The National Law Center on Homelessness and Poverty (NLCHP) counts lack of affordable housing a major contributor as well. “Estimates indicate that there are twice as many low-income families searching for homes as there are affordable units available (www.nlchp.org/hapia_causes.cfm). Studies show that out of the handful of homeless families eligible for housing assistance, only a third actually receives it. When all of those seemingly irrelevant issues add up in a person’s life, more often than not, the end result is living on the streets.

You never know what life is really like for someone unless you’ve walked in their shoes, or in this case, lack thereof. If people would take time out of their day to fight the battle against the socioeconomic factors leading to ravaging homelessness, the world would brighten a little with each smile exchanged. Bring a bag or two of groceries to the older man asleep on the bench near the bus stop. Anonymously pay for the items of the struggling single mom, counting out pennies at the Walmart checkout line. As Jesus words it, “You will always have the poor among you, but you will not always have Me” (New International Version Bible, John 12:8). It’s up to the people to take care of one another. Money and resources fad away, but in the end, we are all we have that will last. If everyone made a point to reach out to the brokenness around them, maybe the final verse of Katherine Lee Bates’s “America the Beautiful” will prove true. “O beautiful, for patriot dreams that see beyond the years. THine alabaster cities gleam, undimmed by human tears! America, America! God shed His grace on thee. Till nobler men keep once again thy whiter jubilee!”


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



Random avatar

Points: 567
Reviews: 6

Donate
Sat Jul 13, 2013 8:19 am
Sean wrote a review...



An interesting and smartly-written article, but more importantly, you possess well-reasoned and (in my view) ethically and socially conscious concerns. When I was making that tricky crossover from child/youth to adult one of the earliest and most engaging questions I asked myself was: "Why is there so many people with so little, and so few people with so much?". There was no justifiable reason in my mind for millionaires on the one hand and homeless people on the other. It was then that I began my real, life-changing deeper look into my own views.

Questioning the wisdom of your country is one telltale sign of academic maturity that shows your intellectual adulthood approaches

In summary, great!




User avatar
117 Reviews


Points: 7415
Reviews: 117

Donate
Thu Jan 31, 2013 12:50 pm
Sapi wrote a review...



Hi there indie!

Here is yet another great essay. I have some general and some specific comments, so here goes--

Specific:

"Money and resources fad away, but in the end, we are all we have that will last."

I think you meant 'fade', not 'fad'. :) Very few typos here, good job on that front!

"maybe the final verse of Katherine Lee Bates%u2019s "

Generally, when we add apostrophe s to a name that ends with 's', we just put the apostrophe, and leave off the 's'. For example, it would be:
Katherine Lee Bates' ...

"THine alabaster cities gleam,"

Oops! Just a little extra capital 'H' there...


General:

You were in general very good at doing citations for your facts, but sometimes not quite all the way. For example, throughout the essay, you list off lots of statistics that include very exact numbers, but no citations. Although they are completely believable statistics, it's generally a good idea to cite any exact facts you put in an essay. Examples:

"Roughly 313 million people live in America today, and around 30 million live below the poverty line. For every ten less-fortunate, one is without a home."

"At least half of the homeless population has a paying job, although minimum salary is often susceptible to be waged. "

" Also, 25% of homeless single adults are either affected by or suffer from serious mental illness."

" Studies show that out of the handful of homeless families eligible for housing assistance, only a third actually receives it. "

Again, for some of your facts you had very clear and good citations of what you were saying, but each of the quotes from above needs a citation as well.

Also, I was a little confused about the topic of the essay. Well okay, not confused exactly. xD I guess it's pretty obvious. But I wasn't sure whether the exact topic was how the American Dream, as it were, is not true, or the specific fact within this broader topic of homelessness in America and society's view on it. Personally, I don't care which one you choose, but the introduction suggests the first and the conclusion suggests the second, more specific topic, so that needs to be thought about.

If you choose to focus on the general problem of how America really isn't as great as people think it is, then here are some pointers:

Expand a lot more on various topics within this. We got a hint of these in the introduction, but then throughout the essay other things are never elaborated on. For example, I would like to know about things like the public education system, crime rates, or broader economic problems faced by the whole country. Just some ideas that were mentioned, kind of, but never really talked about.

If you choose to focus on just homelessness, the essay is pretty good as it is, but you would have to fix the introduction to pertain to this specific subtopic, and perhaps expand a little more on each of the points you make about this problem.

Anyways, I really liked this essay as much as the last one! Your essays are well organized, consice, powerful, and well thought out. I uphold my offer of reviewing any more of your work you might want reviewed! :D

Sapi




User avatar
117 Reviews


Points: 7415
Reviews: 117

Donate
Thu Jan 31, 2013 12:30 pm
Sapi says...



Hello!
This was really awesome. My review is above - my computer was being all weird with submitting it. But anyways. Good job!

P.S. Sorry for the length. xD




User avatar
935 Reviews


Points: 2806
Reviews: 935

Donate
Tue Jan 29, 2013 1:12 am
Shady wrote a review...



Hey Loi!

Shady here with a review!

I don't review non-fiction very often, so I feel a bit out of my league, but this piece is strong and I felt deserved a review.

As someone who has two disabled parents, I can relate with money being tight, even though I've never, than goodness, been faced with homelessness. I appreciate the fact that you took the time to write something like this, and you wrote it fairly well.

I also really appreciate the fact that you didn't cry welfare. It really, *really* irritates me when people talk about 'entitlement' programs and government handouts. It's refreshing to hear a Biblical solution for once.

You did a good job with your citing sources and you transitioned nicely, to give you a logical, coherent piece. Very nice.

Keep Writing!

~Shady 8)





You wanna be a writer? You don't know how or when? Find a quiet place, use a humble pen.
— Paul Simon