Published November 1, 2006
In the black of the night,
nervously she slept,
waiting for the Devil to come.
when he finally came,
they danced into the dark
knowing they would never return.
He would consume her soul,
invade her thoughts,
forever trying to blacken her heart.
She would set him free,
bathe him in her forgivness,
and teach him how to love.
In the black of the night,
the Devil nervously waits,
for his sins to snap him out of this phase
When they finally came,
they crept into his mind,
and turned him back to his old ways.
Now the devil dreams,
of the girl he danced with,
to come back for him once more.
But she never did
For he was a monster
more evil and empty than he was before.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,406 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
Ok. I liked this overall.
The things I have underlined are the things I'm not keen on.
How did she wait while she was nervously sleeping? That image didn't work for me???
Why would they dance if they knew that they would never return... and hang on a minute but they did return didn't they otherwise you wouldn't have been able to write a 2nd stanza!!
K, that was a little confusing.
The things in italics are the bits I really liked and they really worked for me
the word "turned" that I have underlined kind of.... dunno... doesn't make me feel that its the Devil we're talking about. Maybe change it for a more powerful word? Like he "metamorphersised" into his original self???
Only a thought.
And finally....
I think the ending sounded rushed.
Hope this has hepled.. lexy xxxx
Right, I've done it
Heh, okay, what you do is go back to the initial entry and at the top right hand corner, right next to Quote, there will be a button that says Edit. Once you click that, it takes you back to the posting screen, where you can delete the ill-placed quoting. ^_^
Yaay! I'm gald you liked it and no, that quote wasn't meant to be there
it was an accident and i dont know how to get it off now 
never mind xx
Ooh... I liked that. I liked that a lot.
I was trying to pick a favorite stanza the whole way through, but I like them all too much.
It read great and I loved how you wrote it. You get a 10/10 -- that was wonderful. ^_^ Quite one of the better poems I've read in a while.
(A note on the quoting at the bottom: was that meant to be there? If you'd like to quote the entire poem, highlight the text before selecting 'quote'. ^_~)