The Tragedy of a Tradeoff (Haiku)

by imoffensive
  • May 15, 2006
  • Poetry
  • Other

The only draft that has been drafted is the one presented here. Not my best work, but it's something recent that I'm fond of.

The Tragedy of a Tradeoff (Haiku)

(Our) bed feels empty.
The sheets lost your scent too soon;
they knew you were gone

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
imoffensive Comment
imoffensive commented · Tue May 16, 2006 3:38 am

Gah!; my first review ever on this site. How exciting.

Anyway, thank you! The parenthesis, in my opinion, is the best part of this poem in particular. I thank you so much for your comments! They mean a lot to a beginner. :elephant:

User avatar
xanthan gum
Review
xanthan gum wrote a review · Mon May 15, 2006 11:58 pm

I loved this. In a few short lines, you captured an entire poem. With beautiful swiftness, you conquered by hate for haikus. You handled this well & I loved the "our" in parentheses. It held poetic meaning, and also supplied that extra nessasary syllable.



The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It's about what you're made of, not the circumstances.
— Unknown