Rod and I were just watching tv
With my head on his lap I gazed into his eyes and he told me he loved me. I went back to watching tv but only after I told him I loved him. He leaned down and kissed my cheek so I looked into his eyes and said "rod, your the most amazing guy I've ever gone out with"
He bent down and kissed me.
I leaned up to him and kissed him, passionatly and I layed down while he followed my lead. He kissed my neck and I said "I want this to happen, are you ready to do this?"
He put his hands on my hips and pulled up my shirt. He kissed my belly button then moved up and up until his face was at my bra. "well let's just say I love you and I want this to happen too!" I took of his shirt and stroked
his chest. He decided my pants were better on the floor so I took his pants off too. All the while we were still kissing. By then he was only in his underwear and I was only in my bra and panties. He stopped and walked away while I lyed there knowing he would never go through with it. I wondered if he would come back but he didn't for 5 minutes.When he came in the room he didn't seem any different but he asked what I thought. I couldn't say he looked the same but I still couldn't tell the difference. To make sure I didn't hurt his feelings I said "wow awesome now where were we?" I said while walking over to him. He pushed me on the coach and took off my bra and panties and took off his underwear as he put on the condom I ran to the bathroom and puked. He put his underwear back on and chased after me. "I think I had some bad chicken earlier I'm sorry this happened.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Hello. The truth is this is cute. It's short and sweet but is there gonna be a second part? Because it seems like it when you read the end. The edits, I agree with the writers above me. There's no point to repeat things, right? Keep Writing!
Nike
Of course! You are very welcome. Yes, it was perfectly easy to read. You have a lot of talent!
Obviously it's the kind of thing that could be continued but I'm the kind of person to write short stories like this
now this is my first article on here so I'm really glad for your comments but I do this on my iPod so yes puncuation isn't the best or anything like that but it's still easy to read (I hope) anyways yeah I have a bunch more stories that I share at school that my friends say are awesome but I wasn't sure if they were lying to make me feel good or not so thank you so much and stay tuned for more stories like this (I change the names a lot but it's about my boyfriend and I, just some fantasies, NONE ARE TRUE! I am not actually going to have sex with guys at this age so just making that cleared
Hi! Nagorm here! I'm going to start by saying this was rather cute. I'll move on to NitPicks
You've forgotten to put a period at the end of this sentence. Also, you don't need to have this sentence by itself, rather keep it with the other. And tv should be T.V.
This sentence was a little rough, you should try to spice it up a bit more. For example:
With my head on his lap I gazed into his eyes, smiling as he told me he loved me.
You don't have to use this, but try to show the emotion between the two characters a bit more.
There should be a comma between tv and but, and tv should be T.V.:
I went back to watching T.V., but only after I told him I loved him.
The "your" should be a you're, Rod needs to be capitalized, and you need to end the dialouge with a period:
"#FF0000 ">Rod, you're the most amazing guy I've ever gone out with #FF0000 ">."
You don't need to put a comma between him and passionately. After said, there should either be a comma or a colon:
He kissed my neck and I said: "I want this to happen, are you ready to do this?"
or
He kissed my neck and I said, "I want this to happen, are you ready to do this?"
well needs to be capitalized:
"Well, let's just say I love you and I want this to happen too!"
You shouldn't double space in the middle of a sentence. And off is spelled with two "f's"
Lyed should be spelled lied. There should be a comma between back and but. And the 5 should be spelled out:
I wondered if he would come back, but he didn't for five minutes.
Try to describe the emotions your main character is feeling at this point. Is she dissapointed? Does she feel like she could cry? Relieved that she didn't actually go through with it?
Again, when starting your dialouge after said, you should either use a colon or a comma. Wow needs to be capitalized. The sentence should have more punctuation:
"Wow, awesome. Now where were we?"
or
"Wow, awesome, now where were we?"
After finished talking, you do not need to put "I said" again. It says she was walking over to him, does that mean she got off the couch? You need to explain that more.
You spelled couch with an "a", making it coach where it should be couch.
The part where it is saying "as he put on the condom I ran to the bathroom and puked." You should make this it's own sentence:
He pushed me on the coush and took off my bra and panties and took off his underwear. As he put the condom on I ran to the bathroom and puked.
There should be a comma between earlier and I'm. You need to put quotation marks at the end of the sentence.
Plot
This is a rather cute story! You just need to work on your punctuation and displaying your characters emotions better. Keep on writing!
-Nagorm
Cuuuttteeeeeeee