Young Writers Society

i thought it was very good. the topic seemed well thought out. but i have a couple questions. when you say "leave me
to my grief
to my life" now im no biologyst but if you are living in grief then i woulnt call that living. i wouldnt call that much of a life at all. mo happyness just grief. thats a really bad living situation and from what jblack-girl said you arent living your life to a full extent. so get out there and take your life and make the best of it. and for peet sakes be happy that the grief can turn around into joy.

Hello!

I really enjoyed this poem as well. It was very simple, but also didn't beat around the bush. You put your feelings out there and let it be. The only problem i have with this poem is the fact that it's short. If you added some stuff to it, it might pop out more. You did a good job with editing, so that's good. Umm, i think you did a wonderful job.

Keep up the great work hun!!


~Hailey, <3

It's very original and I think that it shows a lot of emotions. I'm still not very good at giving long reviews so I'm sorry if it was too short. But I think that it is a very good poem.
Leave me to,
My grief;
My life.
In my opinion it show a person's desparation when he thinks that nobody cares about him/her. It's so sad in the same time so true.

preview the poem and try to think that your a kid.

after all this is G rated.

imapoemperson wrote:**I have no idea where this came from the words just sprung into my head so review as harshly as you wish.**

Leave me to,
My pain;
My suffering.

Don’t remind me,
What happened;
Who died.

I don’t want,
Your kindness;
Or sympathy.

Leave me to,
My grief;
My life.

I like it. I know you and you could have put a lot more detail into this, make it puffy, not a skeleton. You told me, you did not show me.

Leave me to,
My grief;
My life.

eighteen
Hey there, imapoemperson, can I call you some form of abbreviation? Anyway, I don't really have much to say on this poem, there wasn't too much philosophy in it, other than that which rests upon the surface, so it didn't require a great deal of thought to comprehend your meaning.

I like some of the concepts in this poem, but I'm not too fond of how you execute them, I realise this is a subject that is close to you, and so that accounts for the emotion in it, but I just think you could make it more raw, you know, more core feeling, more of your soul.

I also think some imagery would be nice to add some substance to this poem. The poem has its skeleton, but that's all. Kirsten's poem meter (not the actual meter in a poem, more of the meter as in the measuring sense, so to speak)

Skeleton - basic idea.
Core - Raw emotion, really, really powerful stuff, almost no poems contain this executed to a degree of brilliance, so we shall work on yours being one of the few that is.
Blood - Philosophy. Philosophy and meaning flowing through the body.
Skin - Imagery. Wonderful language, exquisite descriptions that set about us an air of romance.
spots - Things that are not done correctly, that make the poem better. Are not we better off with fragmented masterpieces than complete?
dead skin - the parts that need to be sweeped off and binned.
food - none of the above.

They are not in order of importance, they are merely stated in bodily terms so I can remember them better. Now, I'm going to go over your poem for the first time, and every time I get to a part of my meter I'm going to write the word beside it and then go over it at the end, okay.

Leave me to,

My pain;

My suffering. food and skeleton



Don’t remind me,

What happened;

Who died. skeleton verging on core



I don’t want,

Your kindness;

Or sympathy. food



Leave me to,

My grief;

My life. food

I know you and you have not been feeling the best this past week and if you think about it then you will know what i am talking about. I think it was great and I could truly see the pain and the emotion that you put into it. I think it could have just a little bit more though. Just to froof it up a bit.

I like this because it is simple and straight to the point. Just something I've always liked in everything. You portray a lot of emotion in it, which allows the reader to understand and relate to what the author is going through.

The only thing I'm going to point out is the punctuation. Question mark the questions, use the semi-colons only when it's necessary, not at the end of every second line. It's unnecessary. A comma would be fine. Aside from that, good work.