Published May 4, 2011
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Canary word: Present
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141,432 Literary Works • 674,412 Reviews
I like this. Although it does seem to be lacking something, I'm not sure what, it's still special in its own way. Your style's nice. Keep writing!
Nice job. You obviously have your very own style! It is quite beautiful!
Keep writing,
~FW~
Don't know about anyone else, but broken seems too tame of a word to match the destructive power of lightning. Destroyed, shattered, rent into pieces, etc. would work much better in the last line. Otherwise, very nice piece, I can see exactly what's happening in the story. Well writ.
Wow, I loved the poem
There was some great imagery and symbolism in this poem. I couldn't find any corrections or suggestions. Well, actually I think that you could add to this more and embelish it a bit, but it sounds really good so far. Try and maybe pull out some more emotion. Also, I just wanted to say that I loved this part:
Great poem and welcome to YWS!
Hey there! I really enjoyed your poem! It flows nicely since you broke it up into stanzas!
My favorite part:
I wouldn't recommend any changes on this because in its own way, it's beautiful. It doesn't have to be filled with over exaggeration and description (which can be fun to write at times
helloo!
I'm not really good at reviewing so be warned
At first I want to say that I really like this poem! I love the imagery in this..I can totally see that field with the young tree in front of me..
I don't have any criticism for you
My favorite parts:
-my favorite of favorite parts XD
-other favorite parts
nice work! I enjoyed reading this
-qaralynn-
Hi! first of all, welcome to YWS! If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to PM me with a question or two!
This poem was...unusual. I liked it. The concept was good but in my opinion needs to be developed. The langauge you used was very obvious: I think you need more description and imagery to spice this poem up. Gramatically, this poem was fine. However, although it was not monotomous, you poem did lack...something. A spark maybe? I can't put my finger on it. Your layout was excellent, aswell as the stanza arangement. Well-done. Keep writing
~ Amelia