z

Young Writers Society



The Lightning Strikes

by imalivetoday


The thunder rolls
Just a few seconds before
The lightning strikes.

The tree stands
All alone
In a barren, quiet field.

Its branches blow and
Its leaves rattle,
Endlessly,
In the humid summer night.

The wind picks up speed
And strength,
Plowing through
Whatever happens to be in its way.

The tree is young,
Lacking the knowledge
And experience.

The thunder is
A warning,
But who
Really listens?

The lightning strikes;
The tree is split
In half,
Forever broken.


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112 Reviews


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Fri May 06, 2011 12:52 am
mellophone7 says...



I like this. Although it does seem to be lacking something, I'm not sure what, it's still special in its own way. Your style's nice. Keep writing!




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Thu May 05, 2011 8:09 pm
freewritersavvy says...



Nice job. You obviously have your very own style! It is quite beautiful!

Keep writing,
~FW~




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Thu May 05, 2011 7:04 pm
EtCetera wrote a review...



Don't know about anyone else, but broken seems too tame of a word to match the destructive power of lightning. Destroyed, shattered, rent into pieces, etc. would work much better in the last line. Otherwise, very nice piece, I can see exactly what's happening in the story. Well writ.




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Wed May 04, 2011 7:25 pm
silentwords wrote a review...



Wow, I loved the poem :)
There was some great imagery and symbolism in this poem. I couldn't find any corrections or suggestions. Well, actually I think that you could add to this more and embelish it a bit, but it sounds really good so far. Try and maybe pull out some more emotion. Also, I just wanted to say that I loved this part:

The tree is young,
Lacking the knowledge
And experience.

The thunder is
A warning,
But who
Really listens?


Great poem and welcome to YWS! :)




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114 Reviews


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Reviews: 114

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Wed May 04, 2011 7:25 pm
Butterfinger wrote a review...



Hey there! I really enjoyed your poem! It flows nicely since you broke it up into stanzas!
My favorite part:

The thunder is
A warning,
But who
Really listens?



I wouldn't recommend any changes on this because in its own way, it's beautiful. It doesn't have to be filled with over exaggeration and description (which can be fun to write at times :) ) because it tells its own story. Keep writing!




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165 Reviews


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Wed May 04, 2011 6:36 pm
qaralynn wrote a review...



helloo!
I'm not really good at reviewing so be warned :D
At first I want to say that I really like this poem! I love the imagery in this..I can totally see that field with the young tree in front of me..
I don't have any criticism for you :)

My favorite parts:
-my favorite of favorite parts XD

The tree is young,
Lacking the knowledge
And experience.


-other favorite parts
The thunder is
A warning,
But who
Really listens?

The lightning strikes;
The tree is split
In half,
Forever broken.


nice work! I enjoyed reading this
-qaralynn-




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Wed May 04, 2011 6:34 pm
AmeliaCogin wrote a review...



Hi! first of all, welcome to YWS! If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to PM me with a question or two!
This poem was...unusual. I liked it. The concept was good but in my opinion needs to be developed. The langauge you used was very obvious: I think you need more description and imagery to spice this poem up. Gramatically, this poem was fine. However, although it was not monotomous, you poem did lack...something. A spark maybe? I can't put my finger on it. Your layout was excellent, aswell as the stanza arangement. Well-done. Keep writing :)
~ Amelia





I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter.
— Walt Disney