Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is a lovely little piece here, this honestly would work wonderfully even just on its own as a bit of a surprisingly little thing or even as the start of something bigger with just how much history seems to be there within what we see here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

It had been quite stupid to run in the gardens at such an ungodly hour of the night. Of course, Myria knew this but the thrill of being free and loose of her royal tethers pushed her to the edge of her encrusted windowsill. It was nearly three am, all bustling of trades and horses had died down long ago, and here she was breaking the rules once again.

At night the many flowers and purposely altered bushes looked different. Sinister. The thought of a feral ghost jumping out sent shudders through her bones and still, she pressed on past thickets of gangly limbed trees all to arrive at that place. It was a beautiful pond, highlighted by the moon's shadow.

Frogs croaked, fireflies floated about and though her bare feet stung with cuts she felt relieved. A second more and Myria had finally made her way to the edge of the glowing water. Her reflection stared back at her and then all at once vanished. Myria jumped back in surprise, eyes darting across the wide lake as if she could see its horizons.

“Perhaps I should go in now..”

“Perhaps you should.” A wide-mouthed creature slinked forward from the surrounding forest. Myria backed away and only when it came fully into the light did she realize it was a human. A tall, slim, unsightly, wretched… human. “Though I would not mind the company” Their words rolled off like poison as the wind carried the voice to Myria’s ears.

“What-” She choked,” What happened to you..?” The human’s smile seemed to grow ever wider and they continued stalking forward. “What do you think my dear? What do you think happened to me?” A rhetorical question. Myria knew it was foolish but still, her own curiosity and pleasure for danger outlawed all else. “You are sick. An outcast.”

The human seemed to be amused by the answer. They were neither offended nor happily enthusiastic. “Perhaps..” The s sounded thick and nasty. “I should show you.” Myria backed further away when the human began growing close. Suddenly her eyes could no longer see- only darkness. “Watch me!” Said the voice and she did. With her eyes black and unseeing she stared into the depths. “Watch me!” It repeated, this time louder.

“My dear sweet little daughter.” A dimmed light came into view and Myria’s eyes dilated. “Have you forgotten your mothers face?”

Wow! I didn’t expect that twist! What ever happened to Myria’s dear mother? I believe the title should be “Familiar Faces” because one would know who their mother is, but Myria didn’t.It would be ironic and sad.Did her father banish her mother into the woods? Because his heart grew as cold as stone? Or is it for a different reason? I hope that you will have a fantastic and amazing day and night.

hi, i definitely like this piece! i feel like it shows the eeriness of the night, monsters lurking then and there. it reminds me of nyctophobia, in a way.
the descriptions really show the beauty of the darkness, though. beautiful job with those.
the creature terrifies me, but the ending shocked me. her mother? what happened to her to make her like this?
good job with this FANTASTIC piece.

Hi there imanhi! Icy here with a quick review for you on this fine Thursday morning (or here it is, anyway).

I really enjoyed this short piece. The character of Myria was very easy to read and I thought you did a good job of fleshing her out even over such a short amount of time. The first two sentences immediately give us a sense of who she is and her rebellious nature and I find that draws me to her right from the start.

The switch in tone was a little jarring for me between the first and second paragraph. In the first she seems very carefree and we get the impression she's either out to cause mischief or simply to see the city (in a kind of princess Jasmine from Aladdin kind of way). The switch to the darker imagery and uses of words like 'sinister' was quite a change. I would prefer to have a more seamless transition into the dark and creepy, or maybe hinting at it in the first paragraph too?

Having said that, I think the spooky imagery is very well done. You've got lots of really beautiful description. I particularly liked this line:

Frogs croaked, fireflies floated about and though her bare feet stung with cuts she felt relieved.

Hey imahni, i really enjoyed your short here
I haven't done reviews in a while, so of course feel free to pick and choose the helpful advice amongst the unnecessary things. (I can be a little nitpicky)

Alright, so first off, I liked the way you start it off,

It had been quite stupid to run in the gardens at such an ungodly hour of the night.

Frogs croaked, fireflies floated about*,* and (al)though her bare feet stung with cuts*,* she felt relieved.

Of course, Myria knew this but the thrill of being free and loose of her royal tethers pushed her to the edge of her encrusted windowsill. It was nearly three am, all bustling of trades and horses had died down long ago, and here she was breaking the rules once again.

At night the many flowers and purposely altered bushes looked different. Sinister. The thought of a feral ghost jumping out sent shudders through her bones and still, she pressed on past thickets of gangly limbed trees all to arrive at that place. It was a beautiful pond, highlighted by the moon's shadow.

Frogs croaked, fireflies floated about and though her bare feet stung with cuts she felt relieved. A second more and Myria had finally made her way to the edge of the glowing water. Her reflection stared back at her and then all at once vanished. Myria jumped back in surprise, eyes darting across the wide lake as if she could see its horizons.

“Perhaps I should go in now..”

“Perhaps you should.” A wide-mouthed creature slinked forward from the surrounding forest. Myria backed away and only when it came fully into the light did she realize it was a human. A tall, slim, unsightly, wretched… human. “Though I would not mind the company” Their words rolled off like poison as the wind carried the voice to Myria’s ears.

“What-” She choked,” What happened to you..?” The human’s smile seemed to grow ever wider and they continued stalking forward. “What do you think my dear? What do you think happened to me?” A rhetorical question. Myria knew it was foolish but still, her own curiosity and pleasure for danger outlawed all else. “You are sick. An outcast.”

The human seemed to be amused by the answer. They were neither offended nor happily enthusiastic. “Perhaps..” The s sounded thick and nasty. “I should show you.” Myria backed further away when the human began growing close. Suddenly her eyes could no longer see- only darkness. “Watch me!” Said the voice and she did. With her eyes black and unseeing she stared into the depths. “Watch me!” It repeated, this time louder.

“My dear sweet little daughter.” A dimmed light came into view and Myria’s eyes dilated. “Have you forgotten your mothers face?”