A Fresh Start.

Hey everyone. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far! There is something I wanna say though. I've been debating saying this in case anyone gets mad but I'm the type of person that pretty much HAS to share their opinion. Okay, I know this is a writing website and everything, but I'm not really looking for grammar and punctuation critique. I mean, if you want to, go right ahead, I'm not stopping you but I'm only 14. I write because I love to. I don't really care right now about sounding professional and everything being perfect to a "T". I'd really appreciate comments on how what I write makes you FEEL, as opposed to what you see that's wrong. I know this is a website that people use to improve their writing skills but I'm more about writing something that will touch someone.

I had to let that one out. Haha.

Thanks guys!

--Danielle.

AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!! its a good thought but not exactly a good poem. It has it's highlights, but delete the smile guy and if you're going to capitalize "He" and then not capitalize "him". you should fix that. And TOO MANY spaces. lay off that enter key. Man so many people try to bug me with that thing, I think they're out to get me. . . . . Anyways well my english class is about to get out so I gotta let this one go. Like I have to sneak onto this website, and I get this. what a wonderful learning experience for you, yes it does seem a bit unprofessional, but not entirely, I mean poetry isn't supposed to be professional all the time, it can be personalish.

Also, sorry about the title's being different. I'm not too sure on how that happened! Haha. I could've sworn I put the same title in both spots. The actual title IS "A New Start." Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far!

I liked the concept, but the last lines seemed to mess up the rhythm with being too long.
I like how you never reveal the person, but it's blatantly obvious who it is, good use of imagery and subjective hints.
Keep writing!

Sorry about the && guys. I copied it from my Myspace blog and when I write on there I use that instead of the word. Ooops!

I really liked it. I kept trying to figure out who it was, but it made sense in the end. It was a very spiritual poem. My suggestion is "&&" were a little weird. I mean I thought one of those would have sufficed, but other then that I really enjoyed it. 8/10

Welcome to the site! You haven't, I believe, reviewed anything yet, but you should review two stories/poems (etc.) before posting any of your own work. Also, for every story/poem you post, please review two others.

My edits will be in bold.

imaginationgurl14 wrote:A New Start. You don't need a period here, as it's the title.



Too many years lost searching.

So many moments in the dark.

I could never find my way. Comma instead of period.

No light to be found, not even a spark. This line is a little bit long, especially with the last so short.


I always felt that something was missing,

A hole in my heart refusing to heal.

A void never to be filled. Comma instead of period.

Occasionally full of joy that never seemed to be real. Again, your third line is too short, and the fourth too long. I messes up the rhythm.


I was lost && You only need one "&" if you're going to do this, but you should really put the word "and" in instead. This looks very unprofessional. alone,

But that was before You.

You invaded my heart with love && Again... peace,

But most of all you filled that hole too. I didn't like this stanza much... the rhythm wasn't very good.


There's a hole in ALL Maybe try italics instead. hearts. Comma here, instead of a period.

A void only He can fill.

Only his everlasting love and mercy,

Makes all hearts whole still. I liked this stanza, but your wording seemed odd in the last line.


To this day I am thankful. Switch the period with a comma.

And to this day He has my heart.

He is my Lord && Again! Savior. Another comma.

The only way for life to truly start. Good ending.

This little emoticon seems pretty unprofessional, I would delete it.