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140,293 Literary Works • 673,078 Reviews
Sighs...Wow. This is a mess. You took something that would have had potential and completely destroyed it. Thus, I shall make it look better, but if you want your writing to improve I suggest listening to your critics, and try to re-write this mess and turn it into something beautiful. Right now it is a disaster, it has no structure, it is distracting and it seems like you are yelling at the reader. Not a good choice.
I love you,
Everything in bold are the things that I took the time to fix. You must help yourself by trying to write this again.
Spoiler
You are my someone,
I say goodnight to you every night,
When I wish, "Star light, star bright,
First star I see tonight,"
I think of you.
You are my one and only love,
I could never ask for more.
You are perfect,
You are cooler than my deepest secrets,
More special than my prettiest jewel,
Youare the one.
You mean everything to me.
Do you love me?
Your smile leaves me breathless,
Your eyes sparkle like stars,
Your lips weaken me.
Why can't you see?
You belong with me?
NHNT
Cute poem. However, it lacked rhythm and it didn't flow at all. The structure of the poem was strange, and the random captalizing of the words was distracting. It made me feel like the writer was yelling those words. There was no signifigance of the random all-caps letters. The last two lines "Why cant you see / you belong with me???" reminded me of the Taylor Swift song 'You Belong With Me.' In her song, she uses those words exactly. This is just something to consider with copyright issues in mind.
Other than those things, good job!
Keep writing,
Nessa
It's not really a "poem" as one would say. I just wrote my feelings down about my almost year-old crush.
Hi, it's me. Again. Anyway, I really liked the poem, but the capitalizing of the words kinda threw me off. I have a feeling you did that to lead up to the last line (is that right?) but by emphasizing the words in the previous lines, it kind of blew what I think was the original rhythm. Anyway, I hope this helped!