My War

by iluvfbnrtr

Published July 11, 2012

In Love Poems

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This is my war,
It's gone too far.
My love for you,
Is more than true.

The sparkle in your eyes,
Has made me realize
That I was asking for more,
Leading me to start this war.

A war between me heart and head,
That has lead me to dread
The moment I first laid my eyes on you,
When I thought this love might be true.

I thought maybe this love,
Was meant from above,
But it melted away,
Like chocolate on a hot day.

I love you more than anything,
And hope maybe you'll give me that diamond ring.
If you entered my war,
The war would be no more.
Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
ROD
Review
ROD wrote a review Review · Jul 12, 2012

It's a simple poem, but it's fine. It seems sometimes has a pattern in the lenght of the verses, and sometimes it doesn't (from what I could tell; my language is actually spanish, so maybe I "measured" it wrong). I also think you use elements that do not have any value inside the metaphor of the war, so you should check that out.

Still, a fine poem.

User avatar
Shady
Review
Shady wrote a review Review · Jul 11, 2012

Hey Iluv!

This poem is beautiful! I like the theme, and your analogies (i.e. 'But it melted away, Like chocolate on a hot day.'). It's paced very nicely too. :D

It's really nice.

~Shady

Thank you:)



Just think happy thoughts and you'll fly.
— Peter Pan