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140,283 Literary Works • 673,074 Reviews
It's a simple poem, but it's fine. It seems sometimes has a pattern in the lenght of the verses, and sometimes it doesn't (from what I could tell; my language is actually spanish, so maybe I "measured" it wrong). I also think you use elements that do not have any value inside the metaphor of the war, so you should check that out.
Still, a fine poem.
Hey Iluv!
This poem is beautiful! I like the theme, and your analogies (i.e. 'But it melted away, Like chocolate on a hot day.'). It's paced very nicely too.
It's really nice.
~Shady
Thank you:)